Surviving Depression

Depression
#1

This is my 1st real venture out into the forums. I've been kind of hiding in the background.

Is there anyone here who has a depression sucess story? I've been struggling for so long and there have been periods in my life when I thought I would be okay. But right now I'm having trouble with the realization that this feeling might never go away. I don't want to depend on medication. Right now I do depend on it and it isn't working. I CANNOT walk back into the Dr. office and say this isn't working. I've been taking this medication for YEARS!!! I just want to be normal. I want to think normal, act normal be normal.

I have nothing to be depressed about. Do I?? I have a job, a husband, a home, sisters, nieces and nephews and parents...why can't I just be grateful?? I used to have hopes and dreams and now there's nothing but darkness. My life is slipping away...each passing day is another lost opportunity to be happy. I can't find the good in anything...I just can't. I hate myself. I truly hate myself. I feel trapped.

So again I ask...how do you make this stop???

#2

Sadkitty said it all, and very well, I might add :) Excellent work, hope that helps Cee :)

#3

ps  the author of the book is J. Raymond DePaulo Jr., M.D.  (Johns Hopkins School of Medicine)

#4

Cee ~ I'm sorry you're feeling so down and truly understand where you're coming from. I'm in tune with your emotions!! It's hard, but I had to face the fact that depression is a real and lasting disability (unless it's situational). I've tried going med-less but that just doesn't work for me! I'm a FIRM believer in medications. My hubby is, too -- after seeing what my life was like NOT taking meds!! (Not a pretty sight)ÂÂ

I highly recommend you see your doc asap and DO tell him your meds are not working. It may take a while to get them right, but have faith that if and when you get the right med cocktail, you *will* feel better!! I do and know YOU can, too! Just keep working with your doc!! I'm here if you'd like to talk.  ~ big hugs ~

:)
#5

Don't ever forget that depression involves, most often, perhaps always, chemical imbalances in our brains / bodies.  Please don't be so hard on yourself (i.e. "why can't I just be grateful?") as it is an ILLNESS, and not something you wished for, wanted, or made happen.

Please, if your medication is NOT working, please, for your own sake and best interest, go to your doctor and tell them.  I speak from a great deal of experience that it is WORSE to take a medication that is NOT working, than it is to try another one that might... it is awful to switch, and I am not discounting your fear or trepidation (I experience it every time), but it is worse to take something that you know will NEVER help.

Please take care, I hope you get to your doctor soon and you can find some relief.  I wish you all the best!

P.S. - I don't believe in "normal" but I do believe in "better than this"... so I keep on keeping on, seeking answers, trying different strategies ~ this site alone has provided me with more hope and help than my medications ever have!  That's a plus!

#6

Thank you for your replies. I truly appreciate it. I do have another question though. I am recieving treatment from my primary cary physician. Should I be seeing someone else regarding the mediation or is this what most people do? The thought of going to another Dr. makes me crazy but if I'm not seeing the right Dr. I need to know. He's never referred me to anyone other than a Physcologist who cannot prescribe drugs. 

 As far as the situational depression. How do you tell the difference? I go through periods of deep darkness and then I'll suck it up and be okay for awhile and then bam it slams me again. 

Do you see your family physician or some other health care professional for your meds? 

#7

~ I see a psychiatrist for my meds.  They're professionals in the field, and I trust a pdoc over an MD anytime when it's concerning my head meds!  :)

Situational depression is only temporary -- like when someone gets a divorce or goes thru the loss of a loved one.  Depression or major depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and/or a result of post traumatic stress disorder. In my case, it's both. Depression and anxiety runs in my family (thus genetics) ... plus I experienced a traumatic upbringing.  There were other contributing factors as well, but you get the point??!!  I've had it basically all my life - this is not situational!!

Ask your doc if he could refer a psychiatrist - one who's approved by your insurance company (if you have it).  Be sure to tell the new pdoc exactly what's been going on and how you feel.  Be HONEST and he/she will be able to help you get the right mix. Be patient and it'll be worth it.  Just go see someone as soon as you can! Let us know ... be well. ~ hugs ~ :)

#8

I am not a doctor (nor do I play one on TV), but it sounds as though your depression is recurrent, therefore not likely situtional, though it could have begun that way... I know, sounds like gobbledeegook... situational is just as it sounds - depression stemming from a particular life event (loss of a loved one, job, finances, security, etc.) that does get better in time, or given a remedy to the situation which precipitated the depression... recurring also means just that, it keeps coming back, and therefore likely needs a more aggressive, and possibly several-pronged approach (i.e. medications, counseling, behavior modification).

I do have a psychiatrist who prescribes my medication(s).  My family doctor did this for years, but felt I needed a bit more specialized attention specifically in that area... so now my psychiatrist prescribes (though my family physician is still well aware of my medications, and has, on one occasion, said NO WAY WILL I LET YOU BE ON THAT... it's good to have back up!).

The hope, and idea, is that psychiatrists "specialize" in psychotropic medications (medications for "mental illness", don't let that term frighten you!), so they supposedly know a great deal more about their benefits, risks, etc. of those particular medications than the "average doctor"... but really, it is a personal decision as to what you want and / or think you need.

I hope this information can help you in some way.

#9

It does help. Thank you.

Maybe part of the problem is I don't want to admit that I need to see a psychiatrist. I mean no disrespect to anyone here but I guess part of my sickness is trying to hide the depression and going to a psychiatrist would confirm I really am nuts. Again...I mean no disrespect and in many ways I'm envious of those of you who seek out professional help instead of hiding it. So I can live in shame or I can do somthing about it I guess. I'm the only one in my entire family who will admit to depression the rest of them just say suck it up and go do something productive. Maybe their right...I don't know.

My mother tells me I should clean my house, my sisters think I'm nuts and my husband has no time or concern for my moods or depression.

I'm rambling...sorry...new to the boards! LOL 

 

 

#10

CEE, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I CAN GO FROM HAPPY TO SAD IN TWO SECONDS. I  WAS TOLD THAT IT IS CALLED FREE FLOATTING DEPRESSION. NOTHING CAUSES IT JUST HANGS AROUND US LIKE A DEPRESSING BLACK CLOUD. AS FOR SUCESS STORIES, I DON’T KNOW IF I COULD CALL MYSELF A SUCESS STOREY. I HAVE A LOOOOONG WAY TO GO STILL. BUT I AM MAKING PROGRESS EACHA AND EVERYDAY.

#11

Hmmm Floating Depression huh? Sounds about right to me Kay. I’ll have to do some research on it.

#12

i hate being depressed too.

#13

Oh wait one second, touched a nerve, but not the one you think - your family touched my nerve.

Please do not be upset by what I am about to say - it is simply factual information.

"suck it up and go do something productive" is the advice of someone who is either a) completely ignorant, b) uneducated about depression, or c) in denial about their own depression.

You deserve support - and your family is not providing that to you with their off putting comments, ignorance, or lack of knowledge about the depression from which you are suffering. Would you say SUCK IT UP to someone with cancer? I think not. Depression is an ILLNESS.

I understand about the "nuts" thing - we all go through fear of the stigma and being labeled and all that.

You are right - it takes STRENGTH to admit there is a problem and seek help for it.

I think you absolutely need medical / professional help because you are getting no help whatsoever from your family.

You are welcome here, we will be here for you with open hearts and arms - comments, suggestions, support, empathy, good humor - and a shoulder to cry on... please feel free to say whatever you would like, without fear of being judged. You are among friends now, and we do understand :)

#14

timetoheal:

I am not at all offended by what you said in fact I coulnd't agree with you more. I know my family isn't going to help me though. I am here because I need and want help. If I can't find honesty here I can't find it anywhere. Thank you for being honest with me.

Thank you to all of you...there is something heart warming about complete strangers reachng out to each other. It amazes me. 

 

((((HUGS))))

 

#15

Cee - I think you'll likely find your saving grace here, I really do!

You NEED and DESERVE support - if you can't get it at home, please feel free to come here and find it - if we're not giving it, please ask us for it, tell us what you need!

Deal? :) Good I am glad :)

#16

Deal! ((((HUGS))))

#17

Cool… (((hugs right back atcha!)))  :slight_smile:

#18

 Cee,

   If I havent joined this conversation too late...Please dont be ashamed of the fact that you need to be on meds.  Think of it like if you had diabetes, you would need insulin....your body needs corrective measures to be taken, dont let the stigma keep you from the proper treatment.  I felt that way for about 7 years, then I finally accepted it.  Though I still struggle from time to time, I know that it's ok to take meds as they are prescribed and the right one/ones, and think about it as part of my daily vitamin pop session.    I know what happens if i dont take them...and I am not a fan of pain.

success stories?  YOU BETCHA!   Our illness is VERY treatable! We are the lucky ones!

there is light at the end of the tunnel, but part of that depends on your attitude.  I have asked "why me" but it doesnt really solve anything.  Think of this as part of the process. You are very fortunate to have a loving family, and all, but dont think for one second you are ungratful. You do appreciate what you have, you are not acting spoiled, and you know in your heart where these feelings are coming from. So be kind to you, dont beat yourself up...it's not your fault!  

 

#19

Did I just see this become a depression success story? lol

#20

Cee...hello my friend. Several thoughts...I know it's hard to do, but use of the word "normal" should be limited as much as possible. It is such a judgemental word. Who defines what it means. You are you, and therefore special. As there really can be no ultimate deifinition of what"normal" means, if this is what you aspire to, it may be a frustrating journey. (That's what I believe, anyway.) *Maybe I'm kind of repeating things here, but wanted to add a little something to the conversation about "situational depression". A person may have "dysthymia" (low grade depression) for very long periods of time, but also suffer for periods of time with Major Depression on top of it...this is sometimes called "double depression". This brings me to a question...have you done much research on depression? One book I have found really helpful as a resource is "Understanding Depression"...What We Know and What You Can Do About It". I don't mean to assume that you haven't done your homework...but just in case, wanted to mention it. Now...about self-judging...thinking you "should" be happier...not fair to yourself! For one thing...you are ill (as we all are here). If you had cancer, would you be angry with yourself if you were fatigued and needed to take naps? Would you be ashamed to seek an oncologist because he knew more about cancer than a GP? Would you feel like you should be more like a friend of yours who did not have the disease that you had? Hopefully not. You are a nice person (I already know this!), and it is NOT YOUR FAULT that you have this illness. You are no less important than someone who is not depressed. A further thought about seeking help...it can be very validating. I know, I think I'm sounding really preachy, but I need to say it! When you seek help for your depression, by the very action you take, you are saying to yourself that you desrve help...and you do! Hope to talk soon, Sally/ sadkitty