Anxiety level high

Depression
#1

So much has happened in the past eight months that my anxiety level is soooo high today. My husband had an affair eight months ago, it ended shortly thereafter.

We are trying to work things out, but it seems as though we hit a rough patch last night, I told him that I am tired of him taking his anger out on me, that I deserve better, then he gets a call from a friend (girl) of course and it hit me wrong. Then we went on to have a good night, then this morning I was hoping that he would stay at the house, but instead got mad and told me that if I could not quit crying everytime he leaves that we might as well call it quits.

It seems to me that he is tired of the bs that comes with a family and doesn’t want to hear the problems, so what better excuse than to blame me.

I am so upset I don’t know what to do anymore.

I don’t want our marriage to dissolve, but at this point I don’t know what to do.

Thanks for listening.

#2

TO ME IT SEEMS LIKE HE IS TRYING TO PUT THE BLAME ON YOU. DON’T TAKE THE BLAME FOR ANYTHING. ARE YOU SURE IT IS OVER WITH THE OTHER WOMEN? I WOULD THINK TWICE ABOUT THAT ONE BEING THAT HE IS TRYING TO BLAME YOU. WHY IS IS TRYING TO START ARGUEMENTS WITH YOU? THINK ABOUT IT. IT’S JUST MY OPINION BUT I WOULD NOT TRUST HIM ESPECIALLY WHEN HE TRIES TO TURN THINGS AROUND. HOW CAN HE EXPECT YOU NOT TO CRY WHEN HE LEAVES.

#3

I'm not understanding what is meant by "every time he leaves." Is he gone for a few minutes, an evening, overnight, weeks or months? If you are crying every time he leaves, it sounds like you have negative expectations of what he'll be doing while he's out. Those expectations may be well founded, but if you live in fear of him "wandering off" again, a sustainable and healthy relationship can't exist.  The anxiety itself can be a factor in bringing about the event that you fear. 

It's possible to love someone who cannot be trusted, but it is essential that you love and trust yourself.  In this situation, I believe you need to focus on being grounded in your own strength and self-sufficiency.  The only way you can feel "safe" in this relationship is if you feel the inner strength that will keep you from being devastated if he "leaves" again.  You sure as hell shouldn't stake your happiness on his "maybe" stability. 

You don't have to give up the love, but you can't need him, because he cannot fulfill your need at this time.  Maybe in a few weeks, months or years, it will be different.  You may find him to be trustworthy again.  But even then, you'll be happier if you know you can make it without him.  I know that sounds harsh, but it's really the opposite.  It's always better to be with someone because you want to, rather than believe you have to be with that person. 

I have a cat who hangs around with me all day.  She gets into my lap when I'm on the computer.  She lays on my chest when I lie down. She even goes to the bathroom with me!  She loves me up one side and down the other.  But, if I grab on to her as if to hold her in one place, she becomes agitated quickly and struggles to get away.  If I insist on holding her for a while, she will eventually start growling, and will run away and stay away, usually for a while. 

Some guys are like that cat, always hanging around, until they feel compelled to stay, then they run!  

You are in my prayers,

Aaron 

 

 

 

 

#4

Here is a brief note on this situation. 2 yrs. ago, my daughter and I moved in with mom to be her caregivers, little did we know that it would be the rest of our lives, anyway, my husband and I have not lived with him for over two and a half years, so that was our decision at that time, then in march of last year we lost our apartment cause the landlord didn’t pay the mortgage co. so they evicted all the tenants,us. So husband found roommate, then they had to move, then he moved in with someone else, which was closer to his work, then he started working at an after hours club,and that is were he met the other woman, she was a bartender there.

We talked last night and he stated that he had pretty well given up on us, and this just happened, well my comment was it would have been nice to know this, i would have signed the divorce papers, but now he has realized that the grass is not always greener, and that I can be fun, it;s just been hell taking care of mom, who wants to be in a good mood.

We are still talking, will take a longtime to get back to were we both want to be. Our goals are different, but we do want to work on our relationship.