I really can’t express right now how much all of your support means to me! I emailed a friend to let her know what was going on, while I was proofreading it I just about fell apart. I was wondering what they do here if someone literally has a nervous breakdown at work?
I might go out in my car again for an hour or so…I figure that’s better than being here so obviously getting nothing done. Maybe the parking garage will collapse while I’m out there.
I'm sending one of my angel's to guide you along the way !! Life is pretty challenging. Unfortunately your going through to to to much right now .. I wish there was something I could do to help you in some smallish way.
My thoughts are with you .. And, I hope today is a wee bit brighter for you.
Jade
My husband is a hoarder and it is just a living hell. I am at the point
where I can’t take it anymore and I have started cleaning up on my own. But there will be much yelling and screaming, because he feels he can’t live without one piece of the crap he has lying around. But the hoarding messes with your head. I’m glad to know that there is someone else out there who is in this position; maybe we can help each other through it.
NEB Keep going girl things are gonna get better. This year might be the time you start anew and change things that sadden you. Sometimes it seems like there is no way out but there is. Talk to your therapist or counsellor. If one course of therapy finishes find another until you got your head straight. This year I am going to move to the countryside. I have been putting it off for years always some excuse why not. My depression made me realise I have to do what makes me happy. Think about how you could make a positive change in your life? I used to walk around and feel like just ending it all and then pull myself together to pick my child from school. This was all because of how I let others make me feel, about myself.
It is your mind playing games with you and making everything look even blacker. Try and understand how you have come to this point and it will get better…xx
ps robsmum my friend had the same problem her husband turned their home into a nightmare and even if she moved one newspaper he freaked out. She began the same way slowely and surely to throw things out. She realised it was either clean up or let the mess suffocate her and the kids.
Sometimes I just get claustraphobic and have to start throwing things away, and i always do it when they are gone.
I hope you both feel better. Good luck cleaning a few things out Robsmom! I hope it goes as smoothly as it can.
Nicole, I hope that the load starts to lighten and you start feeling some hope. We all care about you!
Bon
Well, I’m still here and I still suck. Yesterday I finally called my old psychiatrist from when I lived in NH. He and I had a really great relationship and it was so comforting to talk to him. He said he would try to talk to my docs about what was going on.
I sat in my car in the parking garage for over an hour again today…and yesterday I made out a will. I just wanted to have a record of what I want if it should come to that. I’ve stopped being able to get anything accomplished at work, so I’m a little afraid I might really get fired before July 31 even, but I’m waiting to talk to my manager this afternoon. He’s a friend, so I think it’ll be ok. I can’t call in sick b/c 1) I can’t stay home b/c my mother’s always there, and 2) I need to save the few sick days I have again in case I have to be in the hospital.
I might need to re-launch my disability, but I’m not sure what happens to that when I get separated from the University (where I am working until 7/31). OMG!!! I just can’t deal with this!! It’s easier to do almost anything than try and think of alternatives or preparedness or whatever. I NEVER in a million years thought I would be looking at not having a job! I guess I have to admit that since college, my profession has pretty much been my identity, and now…SOB
Of course, my job isn’t the only thing wrong right now, or I think I could muster the energy to tackle it. It truly is everything!
Thank you all again for all of your encouragement!! I really do appreciate it, even though I can’t seem to snap out of this. If I listen to music loud enough on my iPod, the buzzing in my head is drowned out, but that’s about it…and even then I can’t relax. I guess this must be what they call ‘agitation’.
Thanks again for the encouragement. I’m really losing it, I think. Earlier today I was thinking about just how high a building you would need to jump from to make sure you didn’t survive. I’m not sure there is one high enough where I live. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out…
Robsmom - thanks for your post. I would love to talk to you about living with a hoarder, but I can’t figure out how to message people that aren’t on my ‘friends’ list. Can you send me a message and I’ll reply (or tell me what I’m doing wrong).
Nicole…the hardest part is just getting though hanging on while you feel this way… It will get better eventually. I know it doesn’t seem that way and everything seems horrible and like you just don’t seem to know where to turn. Oh i want to hold you so bad and give you a big hug and just take you somewhere where you can scream and get away from it all. I wish I could take you down to the beach and let you run along the waves.
Hang in there, everyone here knows how you feel and were not just saying that. Weve all felt like your feeling, it’s scary. Weve all been there. I am so sorry that your feeling so bad, so alone, so down and so scared. I hope you feel better soon!