I am a young woman in my twenties who has been suffering from depression from since I was a child. No one in my family has ever acknowledge that I was and that I am currently depressed. I pretend that I am ok when I am around family members, because I don’t want them to worry about me. A couple of years ago I have seen a psychiatrist who told me that I am clinically depressed. He feels that I should be on medication but I have not done so. My recent problem is that I am feeling worse, I feel better when I hurt myself. I constantly feel like causing physical pain to myself. I feel so alone. What do I do when I have no one to talk to and I have kept all this pain a secret from everyone.
Your words totally resonated with me… I could have written them myself. When I was a teen I was depressed for ages but did not want to worry my family, felt like I was a burden and that I was weak and pathetic for not being “strong enough”. At 17 I could not take the pain and isolation any more, so tried to end my life…Over ten years later, Im (fortunately) still here and (unfortunately) am experiencing another depressive episode. BUT this time, Im not doing it alone…by reaching out and opening up to people that care, I believe I have already put myself on the road to recovery. When you withdraw from everyone and hide your condition, everything is magnified. Please try and reach out to someone. Your family love you and will be there for you and if they cannot suport you totally (I know my dad had problems accepting my depression as it made him feel like he had failed me), talk to a friend and get professional help.
Also, taking medication can be a big help…I have always been against taking anything as it was like admitting to the world that “yeah I really am depressed and I cant handle it” but after only 2 weeks on meds, I can say that I am starting to see things more clearly, the anxiety has all but gone and Im not crying every hour of the day.
Sorry for going on about myself…I just wanted to make you try and see that there is hope for you and I, like many others here, understand how you feel…
Please dont suffer in silence anymore ok
xx