hi everyone. It seems that everything around just
goes badly and it has finally caught up with me emotionally. I’m a
19years old girl and i’ve always been cast as the failure if its in
school, uni or in my family. My brothers and sisters are all very smart
but I really struggled in school. My friends, not that i had many, use
to ask me what grade I had in a test so they can feel better about their
own. I quit my first year of uni because it was too hard and i didn’t
enjoy it and my parents told me they were disappointed with me which
really hurt. We never really got along, my mum calls me fat all the time
which I’m not, I weight 60kg but most of it is muscle, I’m a
competitive swimmer. She makes me feel really insecure about myself. I
had my first boyfriend at 17 and the first time i kissed a boy i was 15.
So I started to think my mum was right, no one wants me. Recently I had
a boyfriend for 7months and I loved him so much, we recently broke up
because we were moving to different parts of England and long distance
doesn’t work but we still talked a lot. Today he accused me of cheating
on him on multiple occasions which is a complete lie. He says he
believes me but he wants to stop talking for a few weeks. I know he
doesn’t believe me.
I’ve been depressed for a few months now, every time I get a little bit
better something brings me back to reality. I’ve had multiple panic
attacks and I have no more appetite, I only eat 2 very small meals a day
and every time I do eat I throw up, not intentionally and I have a lot
of trouble to fall asleep.
I really need to talk to someone, but my friends aren’t really friends
and i don’t get along with my parents. Can someone help me?
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