Hello. I am new to this. My boyfriend suffers from depression and I am having a hard time with the sexual side effects. I know this sounds selfish of me but I wanted to be proactive and join a group so I could talk about things with people who experience what he is going through. He cannot orgasm from sex but can through masturbation. Does anyone else have this issue/can you offer us advice?
You are not being selfish! I have taken various antidepressants & have had varying side effects. Has he talked with his doctor about his response to his medication? I know it can be embarrassing, but possibly his doctor has some info re this. Also, just being depressed can have some confusing effects on the libido. Good luck & if your boyfriend needs any help with any issue he is going through, he is welcome here at careplace.
Hi Krissy
Welcome to careplace where there is a lot of great people and support.
My name is mike and Im engaged to a wonderful woman who suffers form bi polar depression and a severe from of arthritis. Unfortunately we in this position have to make adjustments. the depression and more common the drugs taken to treat it has this effect. One thing you have to realize is its not him saying no its the illness.
My fiancee has the same problem ( well actually its more my problem lol since she hasn’t the sex drive) but anyway I know it gets frustrating at times but I discovered if I just ask and not cause things work out much better.
Being bi polar she ahs a very difficult showing affection just gentle touches (non sexual) back rubs the regular things lovng couples do. when i would ask her why she doesnt do it she would say you know I love you so why do I have to dio that?
So then I learned to say I know its hard fr you to do the touchuing thing and show affection but Its really importnat to me I need that and after awhile she started rubbing my back putiing her hand in mine whike we sat watchuing tv etc. this meant more to me than anything because I know she was having to really make a concious effort to do this. because she does love me.
Probaly the worst thing one could do is to blame them for the lack of sexual drive. It’s not easy I’ll admit but look at this way you wouldnt get angry with him for not hugging you if he dint have any arms (gross i know but bear with me) because you could see his loss you may get frusdtrated and feel cheated at times but you would never blame him. its the same with a mental disorder except we CAN’T see it and because our thought process varies form theirs we can’t completly undertsand it but tnon the less we cAN’T blame them. talkng to (not at) is the best thing. talk about telling his doctor about how this effects you and is there another medicine counseling or anything else he could suggest. I’m sure he’s come across this many times before. hang in there a lot of patience and understanding is needed.
hugz
Mike
Hi Krissy.
I wanted to respond to your post because this has been an issue with me and my wife since I began taking Lexapro 7 months ago. I am a newbie here too, so I hope this reply goes through ok. How long has your boyfriend been on the anti-depressant? I found that after the first six weeks, the sexual side-effects seemed to lessen somewhat. At first I was unable to orgasm, either through intercourse or mastrubation. Then as time went on, I was able to orgasm with my wife’s help. And now, I can complete the act pretty much normally, only it takes much longer that it used to. And for my wife, that is a plus, as she is able to enjoy intercourse as much or more than ever (just keep plenty of lub handy…lol)
So what I am saying, is be patient, because the drive will most likely come back, especially if he has the depression in control.
Al