Don't know if I can hold on much longer!

Bipolar
#1

I lost everything 4 years ago due to manic/psychotic episode. My home my r/ship with my sons’ my little dog…everything.
I torment myself everyday with what I had and the way my life use to be.
I cannot see a future, everything seems black.
In the past 4 years I have lived on the streets in hostels and stayed with some ‘dodgy’ people. I had a supported housing studio but some of the other residents were intimidating and I came to stay with my friend
I have no confidence. but know that I should look to the future…yet I’m terrified at the thought of living alone…I could have done it in my old house because I felt safe in the house and the area now I’m haunted by the terror of living alone and being scared.
I want to end my life but my courage is failing me…I don’t know what to do anymore!

emptysoul

#2

Emptysoul. PLEASE hang on. You are not a worthless person, just a bit lost right now. There are a lot of people in your life that love you right now even if they are keeping their distance. If you were to end your life they would be left to deal with the unbelievable guilt and sorrow, and I’m sure you don’t want them to even for a second feel the pain that you are feeling right now. It’s hard to look to the future when everything looks so black, I understand, but things will eventually turn around. I’m not particularily religious per say, but I truly believe that God gives us these life lessons to make us stronger. But please, be kind to yourself. Look back to a time when you felt you had a lot to offer. Remember how much you were loved, and the reasons why you were. There is a wonderful, loving person screaming to get out. You will be OK. I will pray for you. I’m not bipolar, but I’m a good listener. I know you don’t know me, but Talk to me anytime if you feel the need OK?

#3

Hang in there. Things are bound to get better with time. You don’t want to do anything drastic. Remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The people you would leave behind would be devastated.
Is there anyone you can talk to? Are you seeing a therapist? You need to talk to someone even if it’s just those of us here. Message me if you want.

Please hold on, your life is so precious.