Does anyone ever feel they deserve to be alone, that it’s for the best?
how do you mean? as in living alone? or being completely alone from all civilisation?
I don’t know exactly what you mean by “deserve” to be alone…I spend a lot of time alone and the more I am alone, the more I want to be alone. Some days I think I should call off my wedding because I feel that I should be alone-why drag someone down into this pit of misery with me?
I guess kind of being alone in the sense of not interacting with people except on a superficial level, if at all – that way they can’t be hurt or disappointed by me and me by them.
Honestly Chequers I would be extemely happy to never have to interact with people other than a certain few and my friends on CP ever again…and some days I have trouble even interacting with those people…
that would sure be easier but who wants easy checquers you are letting your depression talk think about the real checquers is that what he wants you are still chequers but your depression has you thinking this because you wouldn’t think this way I have bad anxiety and with out my meds for a couple days my thinking went into a worried state as afternoon approached I found myself getting depressed I so didn’t want to go any where or do anything but I had to get those meds and get them in me or I was going to get worse I did it I went and got the meds my point is I made a choice to not let it get me you have a choice to
Not so sure about that – the “real” Checquers has never been much of a people person, which is odd, because so many people tell me I’m easy to talk to, give good advice, etc. But I also have a terrible way of meaning one think and phrasing it so it upsets people and then I end up arguing and fighting with them. Plus in many ways I’m a VERY private person, which makes it hard to let people into certain parts of my life – I might be willing to talk to you about all kinds of personal stuff, but it’s almost never that someone gets an invitation to actually come here, to our home.
I know. My name is Jade Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. Being an introvert, to be alone with my thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. My ~ motto: "I’m okay, you’re okay ~ in small doses." Jade ~
and I am an introvert.
Hmmmm. I AM NOT being snide or anything when say have to ask you (Jade) how much of this you actually believe, how much comes from inside you, or how much is simply out of books and what you’ve studied? I haven’t had Psych classes in almost 40 years, but even back then Jung was considered more historical than substantial. (Though he did give Robert Howard – creator of Conan the Barbarian – and countless other authors the concept of the racial unconscious.)
I believe!! .. And, simply because I have lived my life as a loner throughout my 'entire' life. As a child I was more of an introvert than I am as an adult and that's simply because .. I must make an honest living .. which obviously means I'm around people more than I wish to be.
I like real people! Of course everyone says that. But alot of the people that claim that are fake themselves. There is nothing better than knowing you have a friend or friends that are real and true and non ~ judgemental. Someone I feel totally comfortable around and know that no matter what I say, no matter how crazy, wierd or usually unacceptable, they wont think any differently of me. There are a few people I consider friends, but that I still would not open up to completely. But then there are a select few that get lucky enough. We all must be open to life as it comes. Life isn't the ~ between the born and died dates. Life is a tapestry that we are weaved into and inter ~ connected with all others.Jade :)
What you say makes total sense, just when you put it in your own words rather than quoting some old psychologist, it sounds much more immediate and real – like you’re saying what YOU think rather than quoting someone else. Just I wondered if it was easier for you to quote sources in general than actually say what you were feeling? I did resist asking if you had an orgon box. (I know, that’s one of the few thinks I remember from Psych.)
they say we humans are social animals…we cannot function properly if entirely alone…think about hermits who get so introverted they become mad (a couple of people in my life come to mind…also, of myself, when i remember a couple of phases when i was so alone abroad it made me ill and afraid). of course no one is the same. we all differ. there is nothing wrong wanting more time alone than the next person it is just who you are. as in deserving to be alone…why ask permission? who are you asking permission from?
Its all in my 'head' !!
I don't have a secret box. What I share is up in the ol' noggin. I know I explain specific details much differently than most folks, many folks don't fully understand 'me' .. which is alright. I am who I am, I share what I want. I am deeper than most.
Do I deserve to be alone because it is best for me? Heck yes! Do I allow myslef that luxury? Nope, because it scares the crap out of me. I spend most of my time on distractions from my thoughts: like internet, tv, books, playing with puppy, or talking on the phone. I will someday face my “alone phobia” (is there a real thing like that?) but for now whenever the house is empty I immediately call someone or something to “reconnect” to the world. It’s strange, but I can’t stand it…
Now if you are asking do I think I should be alone so I don’t hurt others? No I try to bring other joy as much as I can or sometimes they help me too, but as a whole I try not to hurt others as much as possible.
I guess I am just an extrovert to a fault, huh?
anna, you are beautiful! : )
thank you yellow. I think you are wonderful! That was so sweet
My thoughts are that there are times when we just really need to be alone from all forms of society. It’s a form of retreat that our spirit needs for re-charging. Even Christ had His moments where He needed to get away from the needy crowds to be alone with His Father above. But we were in general not meant to stay isolated from outside contacts on a permanent basis. Though it can be sooo difficult to deal with the crap of the world , and we are not to get " caught up into the ways of the world’ , but we still need and are meant to socialize to some degree with the world. It’s all a form of balancing. And the scales are always adjusting according to our spirit and soul and our surroundings…
Jade though I don’t always get your points its always interesting reading them and trying to get them
n my job i have 2 talk 2 ppl but i don’t like it i wish everybody would leave me a lone i just feel tired i don’t no if my med is working
I know what you feel about being alone.I’m an only child and even after 15
years of being together,sometimes I think I’d rather live as a single parent
and be in the cocoon of my home with my kids.Anxiety sometimes prohibits my
interaction with the outside world too.And I can understand how you feel about
mot dealing with people because of being hurt and hurting others.It’s part of
the depression,or so I was told by my doctor.
Big huggs to you Checq,and everyone else…
Cleta
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