Yoni, Have you spoken to your therapist about your meds? Perhaps you do need a chang of meds. But we all also have to remember that the meds can’t " fix it " totally. There is a part that we must interact with . One can take 1100 mgs of an anti-depressant but unless we find our part in our heart mind and spirt we will always be struggling to find what makes us feel " Whole "
I BELIEVE MEDS ARE NOT THE ANSWER. YES SOMETIMES I WANT TO BE ALONE CAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO CAUSE SOMEONE DISTRESS. JUST BECAUSE I AM IN A BAD MOOD I AM NOT GOING TO SUBJECT SOMEONE TO THIS. IT IS WHAT IT IS.
sometimes when im depressed i feel like that. i feel like im making other people around me depressed and so maybe i should just be alone. although the thought of being totally alone scares me.
I feel like that too at times too, but not tooo often. Mainly when i am both depressed, AND with a bad migraine, like this whole week (so if i appear bitchy, you know WHY!)
Mainly it is becasue of my migraines that i feel that everyone in my life would be better off without me. THEY suck and i suck when i have them and htey don’t go away in just a day, but last a long time, and med problems, doc trips, etc. It gets really, really old after years of it, and the way things are with me at my house, it’s a VERY MINOR problem, so others don’t even acknowlege when i have one, they expect me to go on like any other day, so i go on to work, come home, cook frickin dinner, play with the dog, wash the dishes, etc., both TV’s going full blast till i want to scream and then is when i get to where i am afraid i will take something and bash out the TV and maybe someone else…it’s a problem yes, and one day i am afraid it will come to a head. So yes, someitmes i want to be ALONE. Sometimes it would just be better to be alone.
But I enjoy people, I enjoy my few close friends, and I wouldn’t want to be without them for the world. Color my world a happier green.
After reading that maybe i should get out of the depression forum today and go over to the migraine forum. Sorry you guys. 
I am screaming inside, but it will go away! (I hope!)
Day 8
In a message dated 9/19/2008 5:11:31 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
depression-cpt10381@lists.careplace.com writes:
Color my world a happier green.
::sending BonBon a set of ‘green shade only’ Crayolas::
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BonBon,
I know how awful migraines are...I'm so lucky that I only get them maybe 3 times a year. My sister, though, gets them nearly every darn week, and I'm driving her to the hospital, and she can't function and she's in so much pain. It's just terrible. :/ Take care of yourself...and if the laundry doesn't get done? Hey, it doesn't get done!bon, i used to suffer terrible migraines due to stress. i hope you feel much better soon : )
Riverlassie. I agree with what you said about the meds. It doesn’t matter how much medication we take if there is something lacking in their spirit. I wish with the meds, after we take about 30 pills, we will be well. I was hoping the meds would “cure” me but, my problems stem from childhood and it takes a lot of perseverance to heal. I have tried therapy. It takes so long. It can be costly. Oh, if only there were one magic pill. Like in the Matrix. I sometimes feel like I have been ruined. Sometimes I wonder if my friends, few that they are are my friends because they like me or, because they feel sorry for me or, because I do things for them. I feel there is nothing to me and if there were a pill that could give me personality or something of value, I would be okay. I realize that this is just my own critical thinking but, when does it end. What can I do. I am tired of feeling so wortheless. My friends give me lovely compliments but I feel that they are mistaken. I am NOT what you think you see. I am an illusion. I am not real. I don’t really exist. I am only what you ask me to be. What you need me to be at that time.
OleLady,I can relate to the illusion you speak of.I think with a mental
illness we become what people want to see and who they think we are.It’s so easy
to lose yourself in the many different facades we have to show everyone.The
trick is rediscovering who the TRUE you is.
Therapy is good,meds are good.But sometimes some down time really helps.Down
time can even be online,just playing a game or sending e-mail or writing to
the group.Everyone is different.Not alone time-I know I have issues sometimes
with being by myself.Most of the time I really enjoy it,but on my low
days…the littlest noise can set me off,I hear voices in my mind and all I want to
do is curl up in a corner with my Stitch and hope someone comes home to save
me.I am so glad that I found this group,that I can be open and honest
without feeling like a freak or hearing that ‘it’s all in my head’ and ‘it’s
psycho-babble BS’.
Thanks for listening everyone,and OleLady,sending big huggs and cyber
sunshine your way.
Huggs and love,
Cleta
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Olelady: I do not want or need anything from you. You are a remarkable woman who has been through a lot in your life, and yet, raised two fine children, held and still hold a professional position, own a home, a car, have friends, have a phenomenal sense of humor, are caring and loving and are a very good friend.
You are not an illusion, you are very real. You have a terrific personality. You are who you are and you already have what you are for, a personality. I am hoping that you will see someone who can help you deal with the issues that have affected your self worth so badly. You definitely do not see yourself as I and i am sure, many others see you, for if you did, you would see what a fine lady you really are. You are a wonderful, intuitive mother, also. I pray that someday soon you realize how special you are.
OMG!!! That was beautiful.
LINDY YOU ARE SO RIGHT
I WISH I WAS LIKE YOU OLELADY WHICH I SHOULD SAY YOUNGLADY. YOU ARE ALL THAT AND MORE.
Thanks, Dreen. I appreciate the compliment. I really do.
lady, you are beautiful! : ) that was such a lovely and sweet post, lindy.
Thanks, Yella. That was lovely and sweet because Lindy is lovely and sweet. I think you are beautiful Miss Yellowrock. I appreciate the compliments. You all make me feel really good. I think I was just having a bad day when I made those posts. Sorry. Byt thank you all so much.
Yes, I feel I deserve my alone time. After years and years of being forced to work and be around so many folks (good and bad), it’s time for me. I truly enjoy my alone time all day - til hubby comes home. Then it’s our time. I’m alone most every day and like it. People get on my nerves - particulary on the road.