Health Anxiety

Anxiety
#21

I have dealt with anxiety since early childhood.  Much of my time was spent with some form of illness and almost constant adrenaline.  I was molested and abused, had chronic ear and throat infections, colitis, frequently a very queasy stomach, frequent headaches, extreme difficulty concentrating, drastic social adjustment issues and absolute zero self-respect.  I also had heart palpitations/arrhythmias that initially scared the hell out of me.  Evidently, I developed endocarditis as a result of the frequent strep infections.  I suspect that the heart valve damage along with chronic anxiety, set a pattern of reciprocating exacerbation between the two.

 

I started having panic attacks in my late teens, which continued into my 30s, and to a lesser extent my 40s.  I can still sense the potential for escalating anxiety, even now.  These days however, I spend the vast majority of my time feeling absolutely no fear or anxiety at all.  There was no sudden healing, but there were breakthroughs and noticeable positive changes that have occurred over the past 25 or so years.  There were some memorable sentinel events, such as the night I woke up and my heart was pounding so hard that I could hear it echoing off the walls.  In that moment, a change took place within me.  Fear was replaced by defiance.  I told God that I would rather be dead than live in such fear.  I told Him I was ready to die, and I wanted Him to end my life immediately.  After that, I began to feel calmer, and it became increasingly rare for my heart’s sometimes bizarre behavior to cause me anxiety. 

 

An advantage to being a misfit, and the class fat kid is that while your peers are conforming to the social norms, thinking and talking about only those things that are "cool," you are free to do and think about a much broader variety of things.  I believe that I became a deep thinker at an earlier age than the majority of my peers.  I have also been mentally processing the issue of anxiety for about 48 years.  I have heard it said that if a monkey was locked in a room for a long enough period of time, he would type a novel.  I believe that is a metaphor for the concept that given enough time, one can accomplish anything.  Apparently I have been "locked in a room with my anxiety" long enough that I have it fairly well managed.

 

So now you can have an idea why I am so opinionated it when it comes to anxiety ;)

 Have a blessed day, Aaron
#22

Hi Aaron,
Thanks for sharing that. I’ve had a really rough day. I mentioned that Paxil
quit working for me back in April, and I’ve been slowly weaning off of it,
but it’s like I’m already going through withdrawal. I really don’t know if
that’s possible, but that is how I feel. Yesterday and today was hard. I
decided to go ahead and lower my dose from 20 to 15 since it’s not working
anyway. When I lowered it before, I actually felt better.
I agree with you about telling God you would rather die than live like
this. Do die is gain when you know God. I am determined I am going to make
it out of this pit.
Dawn <><

#23

Please take my screen name off your list.
thanks

-----Original Message-----
From: Katrina anxiety-cpt5487@lists.careplace.com
To: Mdsmalvern@aol.com
Sent: Mon, 6 Aug 2007 11:08 pm
Subject: Re: [anxiety] Health Anxiety

#24

The power of one Sentence!

God is going to shift things
around for you today and let
things work in your favor

-----Original Message-----
From: Reddogranch [mailto:anxiety-cpt5487@lists.careplace.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 09, 2007 12:21 PM
To: Ellen Stream
Subject: Re: [anxiety] Health Anxiety

#25

Amen!!!
" The power of one Sentence!

God is going to shift things
around for you today and let
things work in your favor
"

#26

HI everyone, I am new to this conversation, I have been on the depressiondiscussion on and off the last 6 months since my Mother passed away last fall.

Panic and anxiety has lost me many things that I held dear over a lifetime. Unfortunately when I get panicked and stressed I get angry and loos impulse control and say terrible things to people. I am struggling to control it I take medications and try to eat and exercize and get enough sleep.
but recently, I just lost my dream job because I couldnt cope. I am always filled with shame and really am tired of the struggle.

I can say that cognitive therapy helps, medication helps, but the thing that is helpijng the most is admitting that I have this and realising my limitations. I am still trying to manage my anxiety, not so successfully, that is why I am here.

I hate this thing inside me that make me all wrong. If you all can relate to this, then I am in the right place.

Clover

#27

Clover,

How long did you take CBT?

#28

I did cognative therapy for many years. I would say about 7 off and on.

The medication was vital, and recently I changed meds, 3 days ago. mY current med had ceased to work effectively. Which was unfortunate because it had no side effects.
I am now on Lexapro for depression and general anxiety disorder, we will see how this goes.

I hope that it helps, I need my life to work again. I am so sick of being sick.

Clover

#29

Hi Christine,
I have at times called myself the queen of thinking things on myself. I
totally understand what you are experiencing! In fact, when I was about 22,
I went through something very much like you, chest pain, my heart would flip
flop and skip beats, and thud in my chest, and my chest hurt. I went to a
cardiologist who did an ultrasound, halter monitor, etc. and finally said I
had mitral valve prolapse, which I found out was not going to kill me, and
that most women have it and it comes out noticeably in times of stress. For
me I also found out they my heart gets an extra beat when I’m sick with a
cold or flu.
After I found out I wasn’t going to die, I slowly quit freaking out over it
and now it just doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m 44.
I have had many many times that I was stressed out and seemed to turn that
stress inward into thinking on some pain, or problem. Had all sorts of tests
for various things that always found nothing, and as soon as they said there
was nothing, I would get over it! Amazing huh?
I think from talking to others this is really very common.
But, after my son was born, (at age 37) I started having awful anxiety, and
finally went on Paxil. It worked great for 7 yr. but stopped working last
April. I’m weaning off of it, and since it quit working it’s pretty much
like I’m not taking anything.
I admit I’ve been fighting thoughts of this sort. But I’m a Christian, and
I just tell myself God is in control, and I’m okay, and dying is not a bad
thing, so why worry about it?
(sometimes easier said than done, I know, but I’m working on it!)
Dawn <><

#30

Hey Christine,
i know how you feel. i am constantly anxiuos about my heatlh. i have irritable bowel syndrome and at first it started with just being anxious when i was somewhere without a toilet because i never knew when i would need it. but then i started having fainting spells, so i went to a bunch of doctors (cardiologists, neurologists) and they all said that there was nothing wrong with me. but i was always terrified of when it would happen again and found it hard to believe that there wasn’t something else wrong with me. at first i couldnt be alone, but as time has gone by without having any incidents i have become more comfortable with being alone. My anxiety did get worse though, i started being afraid to leave the house. i was always afraid that i would get sick and didnt want to be stuck somewhere uncomfortable. i am trying to practice going places a little at a time until i get more comfortable with it. But i am still a little nervous if i go more than 30 minutes
from home, because in the back of my mind i am still scared that there is something wrong with me and i dont want to be too far from a hospital.
I think i realize that this fear is irrational and i have been fine so far and every time i have passed out or anything i end up being fine.
But i know that it is really hard to completly keep yourself from thinking about it. I think the more time that goes by the better you feel. I know that is how it works for me.
Well Good Luck, Things will get better.

Katrina

mintora anxiety-cpt5487@lists.careplace.com wrote:

#31

I see a therapist once a week…I researched in my area and found one that specializes in CBT. I know a few people who have done this type of therapy and I’ll be honest, some where in therapy for years (one for 4 years the other for about 10) and they are doing very well. They are still on meds but it’s what helps them remain feeling “normal”. For one of my friends it was genetic, the other was more trauma that she experienced.

For me, it’s being able to control stress. I suffer from GAD, although I have not been diagnosed with it. Feel free to ask any questions you like…I try to help in any way I can.

#32

You are so right. You need to stay busy, and keep your mind occupied with
good things.
I recently bought myself a small dune buggy, and it’s a wonderful stress
reliever, and it’s something I can do with me son who is 7. We live in a
area that is all dirt roads so we can just go for a ride.
Projects are good, painting a room, or whatever. Go to the beach, anything.
Church is wonderful and we go every Sunday, our church is full of wonderful
loving, supportive people that are always ready to lend an ear and pray for
you.
I was a Christian before the anxiety thing though.
You do have to let go of the ‘what ifs’, and that can be a tough one, but
you have to do it. I had always been a total control freak all my life. For
me it was control of myself, my body, etc. I even went through a surgery
awake once, with only a local, because I refused to be knocked out, I would
be out of control! That was 24 years ago I did that, and well before any
real anxiety problem. It was just my personality. Having faith in God, I can
just say, okay God, you are in control here, I let go. Sometimes I let go,
then pick it back up, and that is what I have to stop doing.
<><

#33

Hi Christine,
I totally know what you mean about your chest pains and your heart goin nuts, mine does that all the time, Ive had NUMEROUS ER visits, 6-10 different ekg’s, Echocardiograms, and things I cant even pronounce done to me many different times as well, but same results every time, my DR say’s my heart is healthy as can be the only thing that will stop my heart from “Floppin Around” is ATIVAN, I take zoloft 100 mg’s a day but I feel its not even helping. Well good luck Christine and dont be afraid to ask for help!!!

#34

Thank you so much for your kind words, stories, encouragment, everything! I am not on meds at this time. I am seeing a therapist weekly who has helped me tremendously. He gives me homework every week to get me thru the week and not in the ER and it helps. But your mind does get the best of you. How does everyone manage? The pain seems to be here daily. My latest is I want to have an angiogram or a 64 CT Scan. My husband is about ready to kill me. Thank god we have insurance. The insurance will not pay for the Scan so I’m stuck w/ that decision. Plus my cardiologist doesn’t feel I need the test. When does one trust the doctor and realize it is anxiety. Can anxiety cause such physical pain every single day?

Thank you again and I look foward getting to know each of you!

Christine

#35

Sometimes, when I am watching a movie, I become so involved and focused that I forget that I am not part of the scene in front of me.  The images that I see cause me to react emotionally.  Sometimes my heart races or my skin feels tingly, or perhaps I may feel sadness, disappointment, even heartbreak.  The reality is that I am going through all these emotional changes in response to some light beams that are reflected from a movie screen, or some energized crystals on TV display.  I can become engrossed and emotionally responsive in the same way when I read a good book. 

 

If I feel myself becoming too involved, I can always stop, look around my environment, and remind myself that it's just a book, movie or whatever.  I believe that when we are anxious, our minds are taking advantage of our wonderful imagination in a negative way.  With a book or a movie, the boundary between what is real and what is being presented is quite clear, even though we sometimes forget the boundary altogether.  With anxiety, the boundary is faint and elusive, which in itself leads to even more anxiety. 

 

I am talking about this because I would like you to consider that you're really not in a pit.  After all, you have prayed about it, and it is likely that God answered your prayer and met your needs even before you asked.  For me, the best way to pray is to focus on my heart, realizing that it is the point of communication between God and I.  I often have to ask, "What is the reality of this situation?"  Usually, the next thoughts that come to me are very helpful and calming.  This is the way I manage anxiety these days.

 

You might want to think about asking your doctor to give you something to make transition away from Paxil less difficult.  On the bright side, withdrawal does not last forever.  While it is happening though, it's pretty rough!  Keeping busy is helpful.  Setting small goals, and managing your day in small increments of time seems to be helpful.  For example, tell yourself, "I'll hang in there for one more hour, I know I can do that!"  By doing that, you create a series of small successes, which leads to empowerment and confidence.

 Stay in touch!  Hugs, Aaron
#36

HI ALL

RESPONDING TO THE MESSAGE ABOUT HEALTH RELATED ANXIETY…BOY I SURE CAN RELATE TO ALL…HAVE HAD ALL THE TESTS, ECT…TRIED THE LUCINDA BASSETT TAPES AND SENT BACK…$500.00 FOR THE WHOLE THING AND DID NOT DO A THING FOR ME…

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT CHANGED MY LIFE…LEARNING TO SAY “STOP”…WHEN A THOUGHT COMES ALONG…I PUT MY HAND UP AND SAY “STOP” THE LORD IS COVERING THIS BATTLE OF MINE, FOR I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE…AND IF I HAVE TO SAY STOP 100 TIMES, I GET TO A POSITIVE STATE, NOT THE NEG STATE OF WHAT IFS>> I CAN NOW SAY STOP AND THE THOUGHT GOES AWAY…IVE LEARNED THRU A BOOK FROM JOYCE MEYERS, THE BATTLE BELONGS TO THE LORD…IN THIS BOOK, IT TEACHES YOU ABOUT THE BATTLES YOU ARE FACING AND HOW YOU CAN OVERCOME BY GIVING ALL YOUR BATTLES TO THE LORD…AND TELLING HIM YOU CANNOT HANDLE OR CONTROL THIS ANXIETY ANYMORE AND ITS HIS TO DO WITH WHAT HE WANTS…IT REALLY , REALLY HAS MADE A REMARKABLE DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE…I KNOW I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE PAINS, YOUR RAPID HEART BEATS, BECAUSE HE IS TAKING MY BATTLE…WE ALL SUFFER THRU DIFFERENT TRIALS IN OUR LIVES…MINE WERE HORRIFIC LAST YEAR AND I DID NOT THINK I WOULD MAKE IT TO THIS YEAR…I WAS WRONG, AND THE LORD LET ME KNOW THIS…AS I WALK CLOSER WITH THE LORD, I REACH OUT TO EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU…YOU ARE NORMAL, YOU ARE NOT DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD…EVERYONE HAS ANXIETY AT A POINT IN THEIR LIVES…AND HAVE THEIR OWN BATTLES…BUT IF YOU CAN LOOK TO THE GREATER POWER ABOVE, AND LET HIM REACH TO YOU AND YOU TO HIM OUR LORD…YOUR LIFE WILL BE FULL AGAIN …OF JOY. LOVE, HAPPINESS…I BLESS EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU, I KNOW IN MY HEARTS THE LORD WILL HEAL ALL OF YOU…AND ABOUT MEDICATIONS…ITS OK TO TAKE THEM…I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF MEDICATION, BUT I HAVE LEARNED THAT , JUST LIKE A DIABETIC WHO TAKES INSULIN TO CONTROL THEIR SUGAR, WE NEED MEDS MAYBE FOR AWHILE OR MUCH LONGER TO CONTROL OR ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION…AND ITS OK…THE LORD SENT DOCTORS AND HEALERS FOR US ON THIS EARTH TO HELP US…SO DONT BE AFRAID…THEIR IS A MEDICATION THAT WILL WORK, IF YOU BEEN ON ONE FOR YEARS, I MAY BE TIME TO TRY SOMETHING NEW…WHY STRUGGLE, WHEN YOU CAN GET A HOLD OF YOUR LIFE NOW, AND NOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN…REMEMBER THE LORD SENT US HEALERS…AS HE HEALS US, WE ARE TO HELP HEAL US TOO…NEVER GIVE UP…

MAY GOD BLESS ALL, GIVE THE BATTLE TO THE LORD…
TEWE AKA TERESA

#37

Hi Teresa,
I give a hearty AMEN to everything you said!! Praise the Lord, you are
totally right! A good deal of the anxiety problems come from the 'what if’
thinking. We do have to just say NO, and replace that ‘what if’ with a
positive though, such as ‘I am fine, and God is in control of me’.
I can say from personal experience, that this does take practice, and like
you said, sometimes you might have to say NO 100 times in a day. But over
time it you get a handle on it and it goes away. Comes down to what a pastor
said to me, which God told him to tell me, ‘The battle in in your mind’.
And I know from my own experience, and also reading what others are saying,
the mind is a powerful thing. You can think on all kinds of problems in your
body. I have often said that if we can think ON problems, we can think them
GONE too.
It is a struggle, but we can overcome through God. Realizing He is in
control, and let go and let Him take care of it. I was recently having a
health problem (that was real) and I did not have the answer. I’ve always
been one that tried to fix my problems. I prayed with someone that God would
show me what the answer was. Not more than 5 min. later the answer popped
into my mind. Of course it’s not always so fast, but I feel that God was
telling me, “See, I do hear you, I do talk to you, and you can trust Me”.
I pray for everyone here in this group for healing of the body and mind in
Jesus name.
Amen!