How do I keep from giving up my life because hers is so empty?
i don’t know . . . how much do you love her?
Do you love her enough to know and understand it’s not her fault and she’s not doing it to you on purpose?
Do you love her enough to stand in the darkness with her for a while and help guide her to the light?
Do you love her enough to be beside her in her battle against depression so someday you both can rejoice in the happiness of her recovery?
Do you love her enough not to abandon her because it’s uncomfortable for you?
Do you love her enough to remember “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health”?
yes, it’s hard to be the caretaker. find a caretaker support group. anyone in your lives who can be with her so you could have a an evening, day, a weekend off?
however, in the end, it all comes down to . . . Do you love her enough . . . ?
You keep yours full, you can’t give up your life or both of you will sink. You’ve been dealing with this 10 years, perhaps you need some healing time yourself. A break, a fishing trip, a little get away to rejuvenate yourself? You need some regular time to yourself and your friends, it’s okay to still enjoy life even if she can’t right now. Sometimes what we think is help can be co-dependency, so look at that too. It seems you are reaching out and that’s good so keep doing it, and be gentle with yourself and her. Give yourself some much needed time off.
Dear Knickster,
I agree with what TM2TRIVER said. I assume your wife is not in any kind of treatment for her depression? If not, you need to take care of yourself. Her illness is pulling you downwards into darkness. You have got to care for yourself! Your life is deteriorating here. If she is not willing to get treatment, you may have to do something, at least start with yourself first. Someone needs to start into recovery or treatment here. It would good if she were in treatment and you were as well.
Someone has got to do something here, soon. If you think her life is in danger, call 911. I don’t know everything about your situation so I’m just giving general info. Sometimes, you just need to take action. When my husband was drinking, I told him I could not live this way. I told him I could make it alone, on my own. He got into treatment and has been sober for almost 20 years now. It wasn’t easy, but he needed to hear this from me. Your wife may need to hear something from you, if she is not doing anything about her depression; how is this affecting your life? She may need to hear this from you. As painful as it is for her to hear it, it may help her to help herself do something about her depression. Depression is deadly if not treated. And gets harder to treat, if not treated. I have had depression for 25 years now. You have been with this severity now for only 10 years. It sounds severe. Please take action, do something; before it’s too late. I’m concerned about both of you.
Love,
Catfish