I don’t know where to post this. I’m so upset with myself. Normally, I try to be very encouraging to others, and tell them not to give into negative thoughts, and today, I just want to bash my head against a rock until all the stupidity is crushed out.
A few weeks ago, my mother asked if she and my dad can stay at my house over night because their church was coming down for a fishing trip. I have no desire to see my dad because my niece accused him of molesting her when she was small. No one believes her, except me, because she has a drug problem. The thing is, my dad did molest my siblings. He also had some inappropriate sexual behavior towards me that I did not recognise as abuse until I was an adult. So needless to say, I have never been comfortable around him, especially around my kids, and now don’t want to see him at all. Its hard, I love him, but can’t understand how he could be that sick.
Today, while at swim meet, two of my friends, one a neighbor down the street, and another a friend I’ve known for a very very long time. were talking. My long time friend mentioned there was a convicted s.o. (child porn photos) ushering at the church where I used to attend and she still does. She said, maybe he was rehabbed. I said “Pedophiles can’t be rehabbed. I know, because my dad is pedophile.” Dead silence, shock. It was so very NOT the place to reveal such a deep secret. I am tired of hiding the truth, but on the other hand that is just not the kind of thing you tell people. Now I’m afraid they are going to be uncomfortable around me. So the truth is not freeing. I’m as ashamed as if it had been my fault my dad is a pedophile. Me and my stupid big mouth. What on earth was I thinking to just blurt it out like that?
