Lonely and no energy

Depression
#1

While I have depression year round, it’s worse during January and February. The after the holidays let down, and long, cold winter just don’t combine to make me feel great. If I didn’t have to work, I’d probably take up indoor hobbies, do volunteer work, etc., but having to leave for work during cold, dark mornings isn’t easy.

It is sometimes such a struggle to get to work in the morning that I cannot face it and call in. I work a very nice evening job too, which is not taxing and which I enjoy, but it cuts into my rest time and makes the day job (I’m in education) all the harder to go to. I’ve been on several anti-depressants; some worked well, while others had unbearable side effects. The newer meds such as lexipro, cymbalta, etc., work, but affect me sexually. This may not seem like a major problem, but after two months with the desire there yet the willingness absent, it’s as depressing as being off the meds entirely. Resently, my doctor tried me on Elavil. It works to a point. I don’t feel like crying all the time, but the dry mouth is unbearable (this side effect eventually subsided with any other med, but not with Elavil), and sexually it does affect me as well. I’m beginning to give up hope. How do you choose between feeling like crying all the time, suffering guilt over silly things you’ve done in your past, and feeling drugged all the time?

Looking back, I can see a pattern of depression and anxieity as early as age seven or eight. Will it ever end? I am in talk therapy, but the consensus is that I need both talk and a deliberate pharmacological approach to help me.

I’m also incredibly lonely during the week. I never see anyone apart from work, nor do I have interest in any activities I used to enjoy. I seem to want to escape into movies, which I’ve always enjoyed, and just “exist.”

I am a gay male, and I have a partner, but we can only be together on weekends. So if anyone who reads this has issues with gays, please do not respond. I don’t have he energy at this juncture to defend myself against this, nor should I have to in this day and age.

Thanks for listening.

#2

I CAN RELATE. I JUST MOVED HERE FROM MASS AND I HAVE NO FRIENDS BESIDES MY BOYFRIEND. BESIDES WORK AND SCHOOL HE HAS NO TIME FOR ME. I HAVE NO CAR TO GET AROUND IN SO BASICALLY I AM STUCK IN THE HOUSE ALL DAY.

#3

I WAS ALSO DEPRESSED AS A CHILD, ALTHOUGH I DIDN’T QUITE KNOW WHY. I FELT LIKE AN OUTSIDER IN MY OWN FAMILY AND I WOULD STAY IN MY ROOM ALOT. MY CHILDHOOD WAS NOT GOOD.

#4

Hi Librarian. I can totally relate to the whole depression thing worsening in the winter time. Im an aussie now experiencing my first winter in Canada and it is a killer. Like seriously I feel like people deserve to get medals for going to work everyday…its so cold that the trees are encased in ice and cars have their own icicles after a couple of hours…this is all new to me! I try to avoid going out as much as possible which is bad because then I feel housebound and crazy. I have started hitting the sunbed a bit and Im seriously considering lookin into buying a light box to get thru next winter.

You’ll find lots of sun lovin friends here :slight_smile:

#5

Depression in the winter usually has to do with the lack of sun and daylight savings time. I know Alaska has the highest suicide rate due to the fact that it’s always dark there. We all need sun for serotonin. Even if you stand in the window and get some sun, it helps. Exercising is also a way to get serotonin.

#6

Thanks to you all of you that responded so quickly. Since I work two jobs during the school year, I have little time for friends, and I have none anyway. I don’t know why. I’m losing faith in people as I get older. No one returns telephone calls, no one visits. I don’t understand it. Friends and neighbors used to act as psychiatrists to each other by listening; that form of socializing is gone now, at least in my part of the US. I sometimes wander aimlessly from window to window–I don’t know why. I feed the birds and squirrels in my yard. This morning I had thirty birds and five squirrels. Sometimes I think they are my only friends. I’m a nice guy, with a good sense of humor, yet even my own sister hasn’t been to see the house we bought in early September, despite repeated invitations. Sorry, but the world is not like it used to be…

#7

Well, animals are better than people most of the time. I’ve always liked animals more than people.

#8

Hi Librarian, I understand what you are talking about as well. I too am affected from OCT.-FEB.; and I too was told to get a light box. But I can’t afford one either. However, my sister is also affected by the winter months, it’s called SAD. (Seasnoal affects of Depression, I think) Any way she did get the box, and she said she feels totally better. She found one on sale for $20.00 that normally was $79.00. I saw the same one, but didn’t get it, now I wish I had of. But I too found MAKING MYSELF GET OUT OF THE HOUSE helps as well. But getting out of the house is a real problem for me most of the time.
Realizing that depression was a constant companion for you in your childhood, mine too! as early as five years old. I have also struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Now that I’m 59, almost 60, I found help for myself. I also now understand why I have struggled so long, I was being molested from the age of two, by one uncle, and another one from age 10, and then it only stopped at 14, because I started leaving home, so I wouldn’t have to be around them. So yes, I understand the childhood depression. When I was a child, they didn’t even deal with childhood depression, if they even recognized it. The first time I tried to committ suicide I was 13, and the second time I was 15, wasn’t diagnosed with BP until I was in my late 40’s. So, hon, just keep dinging at the doctors until you get what you need! YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT!

#9

I’ve been in your position many times. None of the choices are simple. Do you cry all the time, sometimes over things you don’t remember or even need a reason for, feel guilt over some small thing you’ve done to someone (who’s forgotten it long ago), or feel so drugged you cannot function? Great choices.
I’ve sat on my couch and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore and just wanted the pain to stop. No one who hasn’t experienced this personally can possibly understand. The old adage, “Just pick yourself and look at those worse off than you,” only adds to your guilt. Sure there are those worse off, but that doesn’t make your pain any less valid. The worst utterance in the English language are the words, “Don’t cry.” Men are particularly prone to resisting crying due to their conditioning as little boys. What a shame.

#10

Hi
I can completely relate to how you feel, I lost my job because I was to depessed to do it and all my actions showed that there was something wrong I tried my best to hide it but people saw through me so I got fired my boss was however, nice enough to lay me off so I could collect unemployment which did not last very long so I tried to find work else where but just did not have the determination so my doctor told me to apply for SSI and I did and I receive monthly benefits and I can still work if I could ever again, I know life is hard and sometimes unbareable but you have to keep trying that is all any of us can do I hope you feel better
Happiness keeps You Sweet,

Trials keep You Strong,

Sorrows keep You Human,

Failures keep You Humble,

Success keeps You Glowing,

But Only God keeps You Going!

You are so special!

#11

HEY librarian, i would love to be ur friend, im gay too,send me an invite…scott

#12

I was married to a gay guy. he is still a friend of mine we just started ti e-mail each other. it is hard when you can only be twith him on the weekend. if you want to talk just send me a e-mail. people that jugde and point the finger at other have 3 fingers pointing back at there self.

#13

Do you have any insight as to why this is happening to you? Like are there any specific triggers or is just becoming a daily occurrence? How supportive is your partner and what about other friends/family? Sorry for bein nosey but you havent written your story so Im just trying to get to know you better :slight_smile:

It sucks that we have to hide stuff like this from our employers hey. I hope you feel a bit better throughout the day…theres lots of us here willin to listen if you need to chat

#14

Hi gunveg and welcome to careplace… the things I always recommend are not trying to deal with this on your own. You have come to a support group, which is a great step in the right direction, however, I firmly believe in the four-prong approach of having a family medial doctor who gives you yearly physicals (at the very least) and who has your entire health history availabe to him or her, then I recommend a psychiatrist to prescribe anti-depressants / anti-anxiet# medications (should you need them), then I recommend a counselor (talk therapy helps me the most) with whom you share all of your trials and tribulations and whom you see as often as necessary to help you - someone who will help you set goals for your life, who will set you on the path to wellness, someone who will hold your hand during these awful times, and someone who is your biggest advocate in getting you well! Then, I say stay as close as you can to those who truly love and support you - be it family, friends, pets, whomever - even if they are far away in physical distance, keep them close in your heart and stay in touch with them frequently through phone calls and letters and email.

Again, welcome, I think you will find a lot of support, encouragement, comfort, and caring here.

#15

To all of you who have been kind in responding to my posts, I apologize for not getting back to you. I just don’t have a lot of time every weekday and my partner is with me on weekends. Now we’re supposed to get 30 inches of snow by tomorrow night… fun fun.

Any of you who are in my friends list, feel free to write a private message to me. I’ll do my best to respond. I haven’t written my story yet, so I know you don’t know much about me, so I’ll try to write one soon.
Take care

#16

We are here for you when you need us, and know that you will touch base when you can :slight_smile: