Here's another thing to ponder:
Why will the same individual who will steal your parking spot, or be rude to you, risk their own life to save yours?
Why do major disasters bring out the best in us, but we react to every day minor inconveniences with hostility?
As always, I have my opinion, but I wanna hear what others think...
Many hugs, Aaron
Very interesting points, indeed, Aaron.
My job is to the best I can every day with all the surrounding circumstances… just take it moment by moment and do my best 
If we all use this formula, what a wonderful world, right?
I think many people employ this very formula… but for goodness sakes, nothing is fool proof and we can’t expect perfection (I know I’m not fool proof or perfect by any stretch 
)… we just keep on keeping on
In response to Spiritriver’s query, I see it as being “in the drift”. I believe deep inside we are good caring selfless people who have had experiences, just daily life, that, in it’s seeming monotony, we push “auto-pilot” and our “real” selves fall asleep and drift along. Like an amoeba, we react to outside stimuli. BUT, in the face of urgency we awaken and rather than reacting we take action. And in this awakened state we save lives, create symphonies, fall in love, and SEE.
only to fall asleep once again.
Were we to create a non-survival based awakeness for all times, imagine the lives we’d all have.
Team2River, that’s a great way of expressing a very astute insight. Totally cool! I work on programming the “auto pilot” to respond appropriately as well, especially when I’m usually only half awake for the early part of the day.
I had an opportunity to work on a project in down town Los Angeles some years ago. A small group decided to feed breakfast to the homeless across the street from the Mission down town in a parking lot. Our challenge, to get everything we needed, food, equipment. utensils for serving food, the whole thing, without spending one dime of our own money. We had 3 days to organize and pull it all together. Our goal was to feed 800 people. We had to go into business’ and sell them on this idea so that they would donate goods, NO MONEY. There was no tax free number to give them, not even a business card to validate who we were. We simply GOT the urgency. we united behind a cause and we ended up feeding 2000 homeless AND provided LIVE MUSIC while they waited in line to be served. I have seen what people can do when they are ignited with urgency and desire.
I loved it, however, I seem unable to rekindle that aliveness within me as a lone individual. I hunger for that feeling of kindred souls, and common goals.
Is this just more expectation on my part? Is this just a good memory that happened once or can you live in a constant state of non-survival based urgency?
Wow - River - that is so wonderfully amazing! What an accomplishment - you should be so proud, and I hope you are!
Vickie - I think the time has come for us to completely set aside society’s expectations… our own expectations weigh us down every single day, why add society’s? Society doesn’t pay my bills, society is not my friend, society isn’t taking care of the things I need to get done each and every day… we’re putting too much on ourselves (and thereby worsening our depression / anxiety) by being concerned what others think / feel about us.
We should set limits starting now. I want to feel better and do better, and to do that I must (insert steps here). Let’s take those baby steps you talked about.
I know, it is easier said that done to rearrange our thinking patterns - but society doesn’t matter - TRULY… you matter, your family / friends / loved ones matter… let’s narrow down our focus in order to make our accomplishments, beginning now.
Society doesn’t know me, so they have no right to expect anything from me.
I will work this with you - this is a large part of what I have been focusing on in the last three years… and the narrower my list becomes, the better off I am!
I’m proud of all of us!
WHAT ABOUT OUR OWN EXPECTATION of our self I always knew that if I went in to a room full of strangers I would freeze up like a statue not be able to talk eat drink do any thing very stiff I come home and my whole body hurts but now I do not know if that will happen I don’t know what will happen and I don’t like that feeling
Are you seeing a therapist / counselor / psychiatrist / priest / anyone, Vickie? I find that it helps me personally to have a trained professional listen and then point out different points of view to me and steps I can take that might help me.
You sound so alone, and I don’t want you to feel that way… when we isolate (as I have done many, many times), it often compounds our feelings of “separateness” and brings our depression on stronger.
Can you maybe just work on one expectation for yourself at a time, but instead consider them goals? I often do that… I do not feel like going to the grocery store because of all the people that will be at the store and the problems being around crowds presents me, however, I know I need groceries. So I hem and haw a bit, but I do go… even if it makes me uncomfortable (which it does!) and even if it’s only for a short time and I don’t pick up everything I needed. I go for as long as I can stand it, because when I don’t go, I then become my own worst enemy and sit around beating myself up.
I don’t know if that would work for you?
Those baby steps… maybe just “reframe” the way you think of expectations… switch it to “goals” - and make them as “tiny” as you want - we are always seeking success, not failure, so even if we do one little thing each day that challenges our depression / anxiety, then we are successes! And if we don’t do one little thing, we are NOT failures, because we honestly tried, and will continue trying.
yes a phsycho counselor I am just scared to go some where this weekend because I dont Know how I will react I always used to know but not know and that has me apprehensive and I am discouraged because every baby step I take is leading to a dead end in other words I dont know what to expect of myself and Idon’t and Iam not living up to my expectation I hav setfor my self puts a whole knew spin on expectation you can avoid others but I cant avoid me or mine
Hey Vickie - just do you best, that’s all you can do. There is no “set”, “perfect” or “right” way to act in any situation - that’s the truth. Just do the best you can, and if you just can’t handle the situation another minute, you can leave.
For me, my anxiety / worry is always much worse than what actually ends up happening - I build it (the situation that is going to happen) up in my head until I can hardly stand it - but then when I go somewhere or do something, it ends up WAY BETTER than I pictured it. Anxiety and depression skew our thoughts in a horrible way 
I wish you the best. I have faith and think you will do just fine.
And you’re right, of course, you can’t avoid your own set of expectations, but you can CHANGE your set of expectations so your life is more livable. If you change your expectations of yourself to ones you can meet, instead of an unattainable one due to your depression, you will feel great
Expectations of society, date, fall in love, engagement, marriage, children, grandchildren with high school, college, career thrown in for good measure. I can tell you I don’t fit the “expectation” at all.
I have no children, I am getting divorced, I no loner have a career, and my family is almost gone. Soon I will be ALONE in the world.
I can’t say society’s expectations have worked for me. I personally think those expectations are 1950’s based and long overdue for renovation. HaHa. How about just being a nice person. A good person in your own eyes.
I don’t want this to sound trite, because I really do mean it, but you’re not alone because you have us and you’ve spoken of other personal friends in other posts - so you have them and us.
But, I do understand the feeling of being alone - and being so “removed” from even those who truly do care. I completely understand the feeling of being misunderstood, or just not understood at all… and loneliness - I get that totally…
It’s hard.
The nice person - good person … yeah, I work on being those two adjectives all the time, sure wish some other people I run into would I guess that’s my expectation of them - to be good and nice. WOW - I better revamp my expectations too
Seriously, you will get through this - and somehow, someway we must work on learning NOT to care about society’s (or even anyone else’s) expectations of us - let’s just be ourselves and do that really, really, really well
Deal?
punky has a point River sometimes you can’t follow everybody elses path you have to make your own I spend to much time worrying about what others think and not about what I think and that is where that question came from
I think we should all be able to expect respect and common human decency.
I have been "lurking" around these forums for a while. Thought it might be time to "chime in". I had been having some real pity-parties for myself, and of all people to give me a "boot up the arse", it was my radiation oncologist. She ended our session with the following. She says when she gets fed up wwith all the b-s from people around her, she will take time out to watch this on her iPod. Works for me too, when I get all the "you should be... or do..." that I can take. Hope it gives you the same "boost" it give me. http://thesecret.tv/secret-to-you/
That is a wonderful clip. Thank you very much. I have watched the movie a couple of times already, and have given away a few of the DVDs. The essential concept is reality born of faith. The principal works, with both positive and negative faith. I wish to be focused on the positive, and I am making progress in that direction. Sometimes I get sidetracked from the goal, but in one way or another, Spirit reaches out to me and helps me find my way back to the right path. I am grateful that there are some very special Angels of Spirit here at Careplace.
I don't know how it came about, but I received responses today from a posting I had written two months ago. Not only did it feel good to realize that someone found the words helpful, but I needed to see what I had written as a reminder to myself.
Hugs to all, AaronI have read some of the many posts on this thread, but don’t have time to fully express my thoughts.
The only expectations I am concerned with are those I have about myself. I have lived long enough to realize that others’ expectations of me are about what they want, not about I want or need. I know these people care about me, but assumed I wanted what they had. No.
Learning to let go of others’ ideas is very very hard. But if you can do it, you feel much freer. Of course, you will always be expected to do certain things. But I trust that you will decide who/what deserves you time & attention.
I really enjoyed the Secret Download very much. Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!!
Wot you said it clearly, it’s very hard. But I too agree with spiritriver that staying positive keeps positive things flowing, Keeping positive doesn’t mean ignoring the negative but perhaps a different perspective is the answer. I am surprised how good I am feeling lately. Still in the house, but feeling more positive in general.
Thanks for the good words from yall. Means a lot~