Suicide

#1

Dear Careplace: I am deeply saddened by my friend Katerina’s suicide last Friday. She was a member of Careplace. She talked about it frequently and we were good friends and co-workers at the same hospital in Dallas, Texas.
I cannot believe that she is gone. Kat had her problems as many of you do on this website but as far as she was concerned, she was totally blacklisted by one member she referrred to as “peter pan.” She said that she sent a message to this woman trying to explain that the woman was too obsessed with this website and that she needed to basically, get a life. She also told me that this woman was always saying things on this site that were so cutesie that it could make a person “diabetic.” In other words, Kat believed this woman to be a phony and told her so.
Her nickname was something like TmRiver? That is all that I can remember. Kat was a sweet, warm, loving individual and a wonderful mother. What I want you to know is that is the Kat that I knew. She didn’t always say things correctly or wasn’t always politically correct, but she grew up pretty much on the streets, married pretty young and was thrown over for another woman because her husband could not put up with her “imperfection” know as depression. She started binge drinking. During these times, she was liable to say anything and sometimes did. It never affected her job and didn’t affect her child. She needed understanding, not burnt at the stake by someone who also has problems.

I want to thank Wayne for trying to talk to her, and Kikiwhatever and Mom-to-One for trying to help her. For the person who felt it necessary not to talk to her personally and pushed her over the edge as if to say, “you are no good and don’t belong here,” you no doubt will end up where you belong and so will all the people who threw verbal darts at her will.

I will remember my good friend as she was and i pray for her little girl who is now without her wonderful mother, and for myself, who is now without a wonderful friend, cohort on the job, and fine coworker.
MIKEY, RN

#2

I am truly sorry for the loss of your friend, Katerina. May she rest in peace. May God Bless you and her little girl.

#3

I am sorry to hear about your friend and am glad that you posted on Careplace so that we know what happened and your impression of her. However, I firmly believe, that not one person here could have, as you
put it, pushed Katrina “over the edge…” to suicide.

Suicide is a very personal decision or happening that people come to on their own and usually give warning
signs of. I don’t believe it is fair to point fingers, after the fact, or try to blame anyone on an, albeit supportive, internet chat site for her final act. Although, given your state of grief, I do understand your post and what I would call “knee jerk” reaction.

Peace to you, Katrina and her family. No one deserves to lose a mother, let alone, like this. I feel deeply
saddened to know one of our own took her own life.

#4

Spiritriver can you lend us your support?

I apologize for the “knee-jerk” comment. During mourning it is unnecessary.

#5

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LOSS OF ONE OF ARE CAREPLACE FRIENDS.I FEEL BAD FOR HER FAMILY AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED AND CARED FOR HER.WHO ARE GOING TO BLAME THEM SELVES FOR SOMETHING THEY CANT CONTROL. I THINK THIS SAD STORY IS GOING TO MAKE ME SEEK OUT THE HELP I NEED TO AVOID A SIMILAR SITUATION. I DONT WANT TO HURT THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOAT ME EVEN THO I DONT CARE ABOAT MYSELF. I HOPE THIS WILL ALSO HELP OTHER PEOPLE GET HELP .OR EVEN HELP SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS SHOWING SIGNS OR REPEATEDLY TALKING ABOAT IT

#6

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I did not know her and am just trying to learn to use this group. I live in NY state, in the . I have a son that lives in Dallas Tx. I have an appt at UT Southwestern in early Nov.I am hoping to get better medical care there than am getting here. My son lives in Southlake. Again my sympathy on your loss.

#7

Mikeyone, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, Katerina. I pray for her, her family/friends – and you. God bless you all. Hugs…

#8

I am so sorry to hear about Katrina’s death. She seem like a very loving caring person. She was very grateful for every hug she got. This makes me very sad. I will miss her.
Rest in peace Katerina…God Bless
Thank you Mikey for telling us. I am so sorry for your loss…
River is a very good friend of mine. I can not see her doing any harm to anyone on purpose. There are two sides to every story…Sammi

#9

I TOO, AGREE WITH FEMMGIRL. SHE WAS ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN ACTIONS. NO ONE AT THIS SITE HAS THAT KIND OF POWER. WE ARE ALL HERE BECAUSE WE ARE WOUNDED AND HURTING – SOME HOW, SOMEWAY. PERSONALITIES ARE JUST AS APT NOT TO CLICK HERE IN OUR OWN LITTLE MICROCOSM AS THEY ARE “OUT THERE” GOODNESS KNOWS I’VE MADE THE WRONG IMPRESSION MORE THAN ONCE. COLD TEXTING TENDS TO BE TAKEN FOR WHAT WAS NEVER INTENDED-CANNOT SHOW THE TONE OF VOICE OR EXPRESSION THAT MIGHT OTHERWISE DIFFUSE A STICKY SITUATION.

I DID NOT KNOW KATERINA, SO THANK YOU FOR SHARING HER WITH US AS YOU HAVE KNOWN HER. I CAN TRULY RELATE TO THE FACT THAT HER EMOTIONAL STATE WAS SUCH SHE HAD TROUBLE TOLERATING THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO THINK “HAPPY THOUGHTS!!”, DESPITE THEIR TRIALS. (AND, IT WORKS FOR THOSE OPEN TO IT) I’VE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE. IN MY DRINKING DAYS SUCH THINGS WERE INCONCEIVABLE AND AT TIMES INTOLERABLE–AS LIFE HAD BECOME INTOLERABLE BEYOND MEASURE AND I WAS ONE MISERABLE ANGRY PERSON. SO, NOW SOBER A WHILE, I’VE SEEN THAT IT WORKS–CHANGING PERCEPTION AND OF COURSE, FOR THIS ALCOHOLIC, AA STARTED ME ON THAT ROAD. AND I CAN STILL HAVE A DAY OR TWO WHEN I SAY EFF THIS CRAP . . . BUT I SNAP BACK BECAUSE MY THINKING LEADS TO SELF DESTRUCTION AND BECAUSE I KNOW ANOTHER WAY THAT WORKS–IT BOILS DOWN TO CHOICES AND WE ALWAYS HAVE ONE. AND YES I’VE BEEN DEEPLY SUICIDAL IN SOBRIETY AFTER MY ACCIDENTAL POISONING (LONG STORY) BY GOD’S GRACE I HELD OUT, AND HELD ON IF ONLY BECAUSE OF PRIDE. THINGS ARE BETTER, NOT PERFECT BUT STILL I’M IN A PLACE I THOUGHT WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOUR YEARS AGO. THEN I FELT THERE WERE NO OTHER OPTIONS AND ONLY ONE CHOICE LEFT. I WAS VERY ILL AS WAS KATERINA. STILL, NO ONE BEARS THE RESPONSIBILITY BUT HER FOR HER ACTIONS. BLAME IS POINTLESS AS IT JUST ISN’T SO. IF BLAME BELONGS ANYWHERE IT NEEDS TO BE REMEMBERED THE DEPTH AND BREADTH MENTAL ILLNESS CAN HAVE, IT CONSUMES SOME OF US TIL THERE’S NOTHING LEFT-NO FIGHT, NOTHING CAN REACH. AND YES YOUR PAIN IS DEFINITELY A FACTOR RIGHT NOW IN YOUR POST. IT’S FAR EASIER TO FEEL ANGRY THAN FEEL THE THE ENTIRETY OF WHATS HAPPENED. THERE IS A GREAT GROUP WERE I LIVE CALLED SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE–SOS. SEE IF IT IS IN YOUR AREA. YOU AND ALL INVOLVED COULD BENEFIT GREATLY BY A MEETING OR TWO JUST TO CHECK IT OUT-SEE IF IT’S FOR YOU. MY G/F DID . HER SON SHOT HIMSELF IN FRONT OF WIFE AND CHILD RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. AND, IT WAS IN HIS CASE AN ACT OF ANGER HE COULD NEVER UNDO. NOT EVEN AN ENTIRE LIFETIME CAN ANSWER THAT AWFUL QUESTION “WHY” FOR THOSE WHO MAKE THAT CHOICE WHEN THEY SEEM TO STILL HAVE OPTIONS IN TREATMENT . . . BUT THERE IS HEALING TO BE FOUND.

MY THOUGHTS, PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND ALL CONCERNED, ESP. HER CHILD. TRAGIC FOR ALL.

RESPECTFULLY, SADLY, PHOENIX

#10

I’m very saddened to hear about Katerina. I exchanged email with her at least once daily in the short time she was on the site, and I knew she was suffering, trying to get out of a dark place. I’m truly sorry that I didn’t realize how dark of a place she was in. I know how much she loved her daughter and her work. She talked about her daughter a lot and obviously this loss is going to impact her the most as she’s so young and will never truly get to know her mother or understand why her mother is gone. I hope she starts getting the professional help she will need to cope with this situation.
While I agree that ultimately, everyone has the responsibility of making that final decision and taking those final actions…I also know that sometimes what may seem like a really small thing to someone else can be huge to a person in that depressed of a state. When someone comes to CarePlace, I think we know they’re looking for support and needing something from people or they wouldn’t be on the site. Although she stepped on toes and hurt some people’s feelings, I think it’s a tragedy to lose anyone that has had the courage to come here looking for help and maybe looking beyond that hurtful comment to try to understand that other person. I’m certainly not faulting anyone here personally—I’m just wishing so many things could have happened differently.
My condolences go to her family, co-workers, and beautiful daughter–may you find the strength together to get through the situation. Thank you for letting us know–I was worried about her when I came back online after being gone most of the day the situation occurred, and she no longer had a Careplace profile, so I couldn’t contact her to check on her. I will miss her and our conversations. She was very witty, sympathetic and caring in our exchanges, and I considered her a friend.

#11

No words can take away your pain, or help Katerina’s daughter at this time.
I did not know her will, but did correspond with her a couple of times.

We all feel the pain when a member of our family is torn away. We all hurt.

I send my heartfelt blessings to her daughter and to all those who loved her.

Sincerely,
christine

#12

I am truly sorry that you have lost a dear friend. It was a revelation to read about the problems Katerina had. Unfortunately most of us were never exposed to the caring loving side of Katerina and that definately was a loss to all of us… I am a compassionate and loving person and would have liked to know that side of her . The side I saw was the opposite. It did not have a positive result. I personally reported her for her meaness to another member. I feel no guilt about my actions, because during that period she was being cruel to another member. Ignorence of her better side is a shame . Too bad more people didn,t speak up about her problems and we would have been more understanding. . But that opportunity is lost. We have all lost out by not knowing her loving side. Again my deepest sympathy for her daughter , her family and other loved ones . Its a sad day when we lose a CarePlace member. Respectfully, gramms

#13

A part of me knows it would probably be a good idea to keep my thoughts to myself at this point, but I can't after reading your post mikeyone. I have made people angry with me before as a member of CarePlace, and I'll do it again if the cost is worth it, and I feel something needs to be said. First of all...I am extremely saddened for the loss of your friend, and of course for all who loved her. I feel horrible for her children. That being said...you are completely out of place to even remotely imply that certain individuals had ANY role in the complex decision that your friend made to commit suicide. Let it be known that TMRIVER is a friend of mine and one of the most wonderful, consistently supportive people I have met on CarePlace since I became a member on January 1, 2007. But that's not the point. Whatever might have gone on between these two individuals...I wasn't there, and neither were you. Regardless of what the issue was, and I do have my opinion about what I understand the issue to have been, the idea of trying to put blame on someone is ridiculous and completely unfair. On any single day I am sure that many of us interact with others in a way that the other person is not happy with...maybe it's just a little word that is said with the wrong inflection, maybe we are tired or having a terrible day...maybe we have a migraine and in a great deal of pain. Perhaps the depression we suffer is keeping us from seeing things in perspective. No excuses...just reasons. We are all human. The idea that any of us might say something to someone that we do not even realize has offended them, and then later would be in any way responsible for their decision to take their own life is just absurd. Must say...from what I have read, in this case TMRIVER did nothing more to your friend than be themself...in my mind a blessing, but however one sees it, certainly not an unkind thing. I hope your friend rests in piece, but to spread nasty feelings in her wake is no way to honor her. Sincerely, sadkitty

#14

Understanding . . . something we all wish we had when this situation is made real to us.

In truth, none of us can completely comprehend the torment her soul must have felt. That despair and hopelessness can never be totally comprehended. even by those who have managed to walk past that open door that leads into darkness.

I recently had one foot into the darkness, but managed to draw back.
And, try as i might, I cannot know the depth of her pain.

We seek understanding, but there is none.

But there is alwats love,
c.

I’m sorry for posting again. I thought katerine would not mind one more attempt for us to understand her.

#15

I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT KATRINA. I DID NOT KNOW HER BUT IT IS ALWAYS A SAD TIME WHEN SOMEONE FEELS SO HOPELESS THAT SUICIDE SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES. I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT I LOVE STOP ME FROM KILLING MYSELF. THAT SAID, I DONT THINK THAT ANYONE SHOULD BE BLAMED FOR WHAT HAS HAPPENED. IT WAS UNFORTUNTE THAT SUCH AN EVENT DID OCCUR BUT NOONE IS TO BLAME. MAY KATRINA REST IN PEACE. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

#16

Dear members,

I am sorry to report that after some investigation we have determined that kikibsw, mikeyone and katerina are all the same person and the member has confirmed that she did in fact create multiple accounts “to teach people a lesson.”

We sincerely apologize for any harm this person has done and the significant amount of manipulation they may have engaged in by using various accounts. Whenever we become aware of people creating multiple accounts we make it a high priority to warn them that we know they have violated our terms by doing so. Then, they are given a chance to close their additional account and apologize to the groups they have posted to and members they have messaged. Unfortunately, kikibsw chose not to accept this option so we were forced to ban her from the site.

Please do not hesitate to contact us if you suspect someone has created multiple accounts. We take these matters extremely seriously because we do not want anyone to be hurt.

If you ever have any trouble please feel free to private message me or send an email to info@careplace.com.

Because of mikeyone/kikibsw’s duplicity this thread will now be locked.

Thank you for helping to make CarePlace a supportive site. And thank you for not letting the few bad seeds we encounter once in a while ruin how wonderful this site can be.

All the best,

Christina