Hi-
I have been diagnoised as BipolarII over and over even though I have never had a manic episode. I have had trouble keeping jobs because I had trouble learning even very simple things, which has been very demoralizing. When I was able to receive Social Security for being Bipolar, I accepted it because I knew that I needed help. People that know me well know that I am not Bipolar and that I do have learning disabilities of some sort.
I was terribly abused as a child. Because I don’t have any scars, it is hard for someone to imagine the hell that I had gone through for so many years. It has also been difficult to find a doctor to address my trauma and help me make sense out of it instead of saying that I am ‘obsessing and preoccupied with my family of origin’. (I have been able the last few years come far on my own, by recognizing and fully accepting that the reasons that my parents treated me the way they did lies withen them and there I need to let them lie.) Nor does it seem that the main stream medical field takes into account how severe and prolonged abuse can even alter and affect the growing brain physically.
When I have gone to get help when I was in current abusive situations, I would be under duress and talk so fast and get lost in my own thoughts because they were all jumbled. I had so much to say in one hour. The doctors would say that I was Bipolar and clearly currently ‘hypomanic’. (Cluttered Speech gets confused with Pressured Speech. Pressured Speech is common in Bipolar.)
Last week, I decided to finally research my then cutting edge surgery that I had in 1979 at a teaching university that completely altered my looks. I was also doing another research on autism, wondering if I could have high-functional autism. (I have never had a piano lesson, yet, I have been hired to play background music for some functions-including a high powered political fundraiser…I just play what I feel. Also, although I never draw or paint- I have real talent and ability.) My two seperate researchs came to a conclusion, the last place that I looked as one look at the last possibility before I concluded my research- Fragile X Syndrome.
Everything then made sense. How I can be so ‘bright and gifted’ and can’t learn simple jobs and get fired all the time before I can figure it out. Why regular everyday things that are so simple for other people are difficult for me until I can put them into context of my life with repeated efforts and then a routine. I could go on.
A lot of other parents admire how well I keep my home clean and take care of my children, only those that are the very closest to me see how I struggle on a day to day basis with simple things.
I would of simply considered my difficulties to undiagniosed Complex-PTSD, but there are too many similarities that I have to Fragile X and then…the very undeniable physical features before my very major surgery on my face.
I got the blood test yesterday for Fragile X. I will have results in 21 days and then I will know for sure.
Is there anyone out there that has any similar experiences?