Not alot going on in this forum but I don’t care. Want to shout I’ve been five days without a drink and I’m hating every minute. Have to keep remembering the day long bender I had on Tuesday and realise I can’t have the one ‘just to relax’. Gave up for a year once, but one day at a time eh? Tonight I’m obsessing, I want a drink, I’m not going to have one, I want a drink, I’m not going to have one, aaaarrrrgh. What do I replace it with, where is my treat!!! Almost started trying to persuade my boyfriend to drink with me tonight, almost got angry with him because I know he doesnt want me to drink and that is stopping me. It is not going to be as easy as I thought, how did I slip back into this thing. I thought I could be a successful drinker. Don’t want to give it up. Want to give it up.
Hi Plum,
I haven’t been on this site much because I thought I had it licked. Should have known better. Ten plus months plus of sobriety and I blew it tonight. I feel like shit. It’s been building up and came to a head tonight. When I was with two long time buddies (both non drinkers) that I hadn’t seen for awhile. Shit, piss, fuck.
John
well… i am glad you came back… it isnt worth it to stay out there… and 10 months… that is 10 months of miracles right there, so don’t look down at that. Now to get back on your feet… and look at the bright side… that 24 hour chip is shiny!
Ok so i wrote a long thing here and it crapped out on me so let me see if i can write the same thing i just wrote. OK here it goes.
Plum i completely understand what you mean by wanting to give it up/not wanting to give it up. For a while i toyed with the idea of giving it up but what stopped me was i didn’t want to lose some things. Like i didn’t want to lose the feeling it gave me as well as my social status. When i drank it meant i had “friends”, and always had something to do. It also gave me a "good feeling(until the next day) and i didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to lose what others had which was being able to go out with friends and have a few drinks. Again on a social basis but i cant do that. I didn’t want to be the person at a Christmas party who could not have just a glass of wine or 2 . But i realized that if i didn’t give up what i had i would lose everything like my house,car, family, my health among other things. Now to me the family is the most important along with my health. I had to realize what was more important to me. When i did that made it easier on me to give it up. But i have to admit it is damn hard to do. Sponsor and meetings are crucial to recovery. I found that out the hard way.
Now this pertains to you John. I have fallen off the boat too. I had 4 months of sobriety under my belt and in one night i gave that up. I ignored my instinct and drank anyway. I didn’t call my sponsor and slid on steps in AA. I felt so embarrassed about it i avoided coming on here. All i wanted to do after i did that was come here and talk about it but i was so ashamed about what i did. So to the both of you, you are not alone. It is hard but i am picking myself back up and dusting myself off. All i have to say is …
TAKE THINGS SLOW. ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I didn’t do that even though i was told that by everyone i know. Most everyone here has told me to take it slow . I didn’t and became so overwhelmed that i could not take it anymore. I started thinking way ahead of myself and actually had a panic attack. Please take things slowly and one day at a time. Hope you all are well and good luck to you. xoxoxoxox
~ashley~
Well, I too am a recoverying alcoholic of 10 years., and I remember going through that feeling of getting upset with my husband for not wanting to drink; and then being glad that he didn’t; then not caring, and getting drunk any way!
Even though it has been this long, I still go through cravings, wanting one so bad, and refusing to give into myself. I try to do other things, keep myself busy on the computer, bead work, coloring-adult coloring books, any thing to get myself past the craving. The craving really doesn’t last that long if we can work ourselves out of it, it feels like is lasts a long time.
Also someone mentioned “a succesfful drunk.” Well, we all have been a “successful drunk,” drunk most of the time; or if we were a binge drunk, drunk on the weekends, or when ever we chose to get drunk, and a drunk indeed! WE all were successful drunks, successful at getting drunk.
WE can become successful at being “a successful recoverying drunk,” if we choose to go there. But it takes a lot of hard work.
For the one that doesn’t know why she went back out there, well, I’m glad to see you made your way back to us; but hon, if we are alcoholics, we can be certain there is going to be a relapse in there some where, maybe more then one. But the important thing is that you came back to AA and want to quit again! That is what is important! A battle isn’t won without a few wars along the way, meaning the cravings as well as the relapses. Every time you relapse, just remember to learn something, what was the slippery spot? what it WAS LIKE when you were out there, and do you really want to go back out there?
Well, I’m glad I could talk to you all tonight, but I must get off here and get some letters off to some friends. Keep coming back! It works if you work it!
Bip