Embarrassing Medical Exams
- A man comes into the ER and yells . . .
‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed
Out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her
Underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several
Cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
- At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
And slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths,’
. . . I instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be,’. . . Replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
- One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
Husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
Minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
Died of a ‘massive internal fart.’
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
- During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was
Having trouble with one of his medications.
‘Which one ?’. . . I asked.
'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
Now I’m running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
Include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted B y Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
- While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long
Have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .‘Why, not for about
Twenty years - when my husband was still alive.’
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis, OR
- I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
On a man I asked . . .’ So how’s your breakfast
This morning?’
‘It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to
The taste.’. . .Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled ‘KY
Jelly.’
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit.
- A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
Hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
Wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that
The patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
Surgery… When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
Staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there
Was a tattoo that read . . .‘Keep off the grass.‘
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
Patient’s’ dressing, which said
’Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.’
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
- As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed
When performing female pelvic exams…
To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of
Whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing
This exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .’ I’m sorry. Was I tickling
You?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .
'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .
‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.’ ’
Dr. Wouldn’t submit his name