Abuse and rape


#1

Hello my name is Gypsy and I have a problem with drinking and pot.
when I was a little girl at the ripe age of 4 years I was sexually abused by my uncle Jr. His game was now you see it , now you dson’t. I still have missing puzzle pieces. More so as I grew up, I blanked out a lot of things dealing with sex and abuse. My Bio-father tried to kill my mom for the full 13 years they were together. He also beat me, because Mom & I were and are very close. This is only the beginning.
When I was 17 years old I got raped and had a baby from this, my boy- 27 now and his is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. HE is my savior. He got me help for my drinking and drug habits. In Florida there is a law called the Baker Act. Which means any 3 people can go the the court face a judge and expalin what is going on with a person in trouble with drinking & drugs. I was in rehab for 72 hours. This step my beloved did saved my life. We are very close even more so after he heard the rape story.
I have taken steps to help my self now. Counsling and AA’s
I really need to do this. Certainly can’t hurt.
My goals are to not rely on drinking and pot. I need in put from others here please give me something that will help me.
Thank you for this time
Gypsy


#2

I just read your story and i started to cry. our stories are very similar. I am here for you.xoxox
~ashley~


#3

Good Morning Astanley,
Hug back at you :slight_smile:
I too feel the pain, today I made my 2 week mark and tomorrow is another day. the now you see it, game was with an uncle- grandfathers’ and beatings from my real father. Yes it’ll be with us for ever BUT as long as I /you believe in oneself we can over come these pains that is still with us.
My son is from a rape BUT I could not love him more then I do today- we have come a long way, he is with me and goes to AA with me. I couldn’t ask God for a better gift. He is my gift from God.
I do know it is very hard thing to deal with - I never told anyone I was raped and then had my baby- my family called me names and as all or most women whom got raped blame themselves, I was one of those people until my son turned 18, then everything came back. The one thing I did change with him is the name calling and the beatings. I love my son more then anyone in this world, and he me, that is one thing no one can take away from us. We are very close and as I said once before - I GAVE HIM LIFE - HE SAVED MINE. I couldn’t for a better person for help.
Shit happens and we end up dealing with that. Sucks! But as long as you believe in your self you /I can get through this. Keep up the good work. AND don’t forget who you are- and person whom can and is changing the life you lived in. Changing is hard work- just keep doing what you are - and keep that good person out in the open so everyone can see who you really are. and that is not the person on any drugs or drinks.
God bless you
and thank you very much
Gypsy


#4

Good morning James-
yeah I hear ya- sometimes there is nothing to say. and that is ok, it really is. What is important is I keep this work up in no drugs or beer. I made 2 weeks today without it, OH yeah it’s tough but I believe myself and God, I know and pray I keep this up.
Today also makes it my 3rd visit for AA, something I never thought I would be doing, it does help- why: because I am NOT alone, and that feels better. I don’t want to be alone and it is good to know that I am not.
Thank YOU James, and remember it’s ok if you don’t know what to say- the hug tells more then you know. Sometimes that is all some want. And your hug was very good feeling.
Again Thank YOU
God Bless you and believe in yourself and be stronge
Gypsy


#5

well gypsy… sometimes there is just nothing to say… and 2 weeks… that is 14 days of miracles right there…


#6

Good Morning Astanley115
eGypsy here, I apologize for not responding sooner been dealing with shit here at home. Mostly AA and protecting my home anf pets from a biker gang. Idiots just a couple of people I went to cort yesterday to try to get a restaining order on someone. Did not work :frowning:
Tomorrow however is a new day I make my month (4weeks) Friday 3-9-07 At time I still feel lost and confused. Just so much to deal with, yes it is tough and if ever I feel like having a beer my Heineken and a bowl to smoke. I have not had any beer but have smoked here & there for the last couple weeks. Yeah I know it’s not good but for right now it keeps me sane.
How I wish I could tell someone how I really feel- but I can not in fear someone esle might read this web site. Sometimes I want to run away (again) I feel like I cry some much more with out the drugs it’s pitiful painfull too.
AA says to get a sponser, but you know what that is tough when I can not trust anyone. I feel more alone then I ever did. I always felt that if I can’t trust your my parents who can I trust. I’ve trusted one person and now he is gone. Even right now I don’t feel I can write my feeling down.
The court thing is what I am dealing with now; the trust I had for him, the pain , I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I apologize for rattleing on, I am outa here
Thanks for listening.
Gypsy


#7

Hi Gypsy. Don’t apolagize for getting things out. Thats one of the reasons were here right? To lets things out and share with others. To support others when they need it. I am sorry you are having a tough time right now. As far as a sponsor goes, i too had a hard time with asking someone to be my sponsor. I don’t trust alot of people and i thought “How can i trust someone i don’t even know. Everyone i have known so far has hurt me in one way or another” But i went and asked anyway. I had some great advice from others on here and support of some friends that helped me. Now i am starting to learn that my sponsor is someone i can count on to be there for me and help me through things. Just last week i was really stressed out. I was so stressed out that i went to the store and bought some alcohol. I brought it home and stared at it for about 30 min. then my 4 year old daughter came in the room and asked what i was doing. I started to cry. I almost ruined two months of sobriety over stress. As soon as i put her back to bed i called my sponsor. Threw out the poison and just told my sponsor everything. I was so close to falling back into old habbits. But i belive in a higher power and i truely belive that was him interviening. I strongly encourage to open your self up to getting a sponsor. One you feel a connection with and relates to you. Thats what i did. But please don’t apoligize for sharing. And please don’t heasitate to do so. I’m here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. xoxox
~ashley~


#8

gypsy

 I truely hope what I say is understood the way I mean it, supportive.

 What does not kill you will make you stronge.

I was a battered child starting at my first memories until I was bigger than the batterer.  My parents oldest son was my batterer.

My parents were only guilty of not recognizing signs of being battered.  Although my mother, to this day will not believe that this happened, even though he admitted it to her. (I think he was bragging, rather than admitting it).

Your (my) best revenge, is to lead a successful life and be as happy as possible.

I have every thing in this life that I can possibly want.  I have a wife and 2 sucessful daughters.  I have been fairly successful in business and my affairs.

The bastard has led a fairly worthless life.  (This is the general feeling of most relatives).  He is over 60 and according to my mother, it is not possible for him to get any fatter.  He has not had a meaningful relationship with a woman since his  mother quit breast feeding him.  

He is miserable and has a miserable life.  I am sucessful in life and except for my disabilities could not have a better life.

If this is a direct result of what was done to me, then I am satisfied with god's justice.

I hope you can find something positive in your life that can help you feel better about yourself.

BTW, May 1st I will be sober 30 years, which is the 2nd smartest/best thing that ever happened to me

 

Ed 

 


#9

Wow hello everyone :)

                              Look how not alone we are. Gypsy well done for shareing. I remember the trust issues of early recovery. I listened for identification. Listened for the similarities and waited. I found a sponsor whom had the kind of sobriety i wanted. Someone with a decent amount of sobriety time Who i felt sure that what i shared with her, stayed with her. It took me a while and it was as if they were saying 'if you jump off that cliff you will fly' but i had nowhere else to go so i did it and guess what. I too was battered and abused there are more of us than i ever thought.I am now though, 7 years sober :) and all that stuff i heard in early days has come true for me one day at a time. :)

Thanks to ed for shareing and well done for 30 years! I hope to be saying that one day! What a fab share, you reminded me of a few things :) love and hugs in fellowship to all


#10

Wow hello everyone :)

                              Look how not alone we are. Gypsy well done for shareing. I remember the trust issues of early recovery. I listened for identification. Listened for the similarities and waited. I found a sponsor whom had the kind of sobriety i wanted. Someone with a decent amount of sobriety time Who i felt sure that what i shared with her, stayed with her. It took me a while and it was as if they were saying 'if you jump off that cliff you will fly' but i had nowhere else to go so i did it and guess what. I too was battered and abused there are more of us than i ever thought.I am now though, 7 years sober :) and all that stuff i heard in early days has come true for me one day at a time. :)

Thanks to ed for shareing and well done for 30 years! I hope to be saying that one day! What a fab share, you reminded me of a few things :) love and hugs in fellowship to all

.

#11

thank god i did’nt go throw abuse & rape just a bad life witch sent me on the bottle
iv got friends who have. all been drinkers.my dad was a allcoholic i started drinkin at 15 i liked the feeling it gave me the more i drank more trouble i got in it really took off in my 20tys dad had cancer could’nt cope so i drank i was no help 2 my mum he died when i was 22 can’t say any more 2 painfull karkie

sarahw alcoholism-cpt1132@lists.careplace.com wrote: