My husband has RA and doesn’t like to talk. He has become more depresssed and angry over the years. He gets mad when I ask him how he is doing, or try to help him but he also gets mad when I don’t ask. He says I can’t understand how he feels. He yells at me and our children over little things. If someone is sick or feeling bad he says Welcome to my world, I feel that way all the time. I want to help him but at the same time I find myself being resentful because I never know when he is going to blow up. I have mentioned finding a counselor that specializes in chronic pain to help me understand the disease and give him support but he doesn’t like the idea. Any advice, Please?
Joann,
Thanks for the reply. I have mentioned that he talk to the Dr about depression. Severe depression and mental illness runs in his family. Unfortunately, after watching his sister battle depression issues and medication problems he says he “does not believe” in seeking help. He thinks the drugs and Dr.s have made the problem worse. I have considered seeing if his Dr. would talk with me but I am afraid it might only make matters worse.
Raven
I would call his Doc and get a message to him regarding your concerns. Let him know about the family too. This way, the doc can approach the subject and your husband wouldn’t know that you initiated the conversation between him and the Dr.
I wish you luck and will pray for both of you.
Joann
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Raven
Your husband is most likely depressed about his condition. You should suggest that when he sees his doctor again, to let him/her know. Maybe they can give him some anti-depressents to help him. I remember having the same anger and frustrations. Hang in there, and know that there are a lot of people out here to help you and your husband.
Joann
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Hi, I have had RA since I was 24 (now 47) and my husband has had some severe
health problems over the years. When He or I are at that stage it is usually
because of chronic pain and depression. I can’t tell you how often I feel
guilty for all the things I can’t do around the house, as a mother and
especially as a wife. Unfortunately mood swings as well as pain often follow
physical exertion weather changes and stress levels too, this might help
with finding patterns in his anger.
If at all possible go to the doctors on your own and explain to him how your
husband is. Most likely your husband has not told him just how bad he feels
and he is not receiving the right medication. You can ask the doctor not to
tell your husband you were there. (my mom has had to do this because of my
dad)
RA is a family disease as much as anything else. It effects everyone
around the RA person. If you can figure out any patterns to your husbands
moods perhaps you can your children can plan to be out ( or even leaving the
room). Continually taking his anger out on you and your children is
unacceptable. You need to look out for you and your children as I’m sure
your husband would agree if he was in a healthy frame of mind.
Hope this helps a little.
From: “raven98” ra-cpt8190@lists.careplace.com
Sent: Monday, March 24, 2008 7:27 AM
To: cfin5@msn.com
Subject: [ra] advice