Hi I am a 39 year old woman whose partner is an alcoholic who has now lost his business and has not worked for a year. He has two kids from his marriage whom he sees once a week. I am a professional divorced woman who owns her own home and would describe myself as attractive, intelligent, from a stable and loving family background and reasonably well adjusted! I have read many books on alcoholism and really would like to chat with sufferers of this disease to learn more. I have been with my partner several years. He now admits he has a problem which is progress in itself but is dragging his heels over rehab. He was sober for a few months after being hospitalised following withdrawal seizures but is back on the booze big time! He drinks most days all days, looks awaful and when with me at the weekends can be sober for a day and a half. At the moment my mental and physical health is suffering because I am so worried about him. At this rate he will be dead in a short time and it seems there is nothing I can do. He is an only child and his parents have all but washed their hands of him. They like myself are at the end of their rope. I am feeling very down, isolated, lonely and finding it difficult to concentrate at work. I don’t know what to do for the best and although I love him to bits I know that my only option may be to leave him although this will break my heart. If anyone has some advice it would be greatly appreciated.
I agree with Jimmy. Al-Anon has MANY people who have lived through what you are going through. If you can talk to someone else about what you are going through, especially one who has been through the same thing, it may be easier for you to live out each day.
Jimmy said that a person has to hit roch bottom. That is true, but keep in mind rock bottom can be different for each person. Not all of us have become people who lived on the street, in a box, with a bottle in a brown paper bag, and no shower in sight. I was bad enough that I would do anything to change. I still had my car, job, and a few other things.
I told my wife once a long time ago that if I ever started drinking again, to kick my ass out of the house. I may get help sooner, and her life will be somewhat easier.
When I did start drinking again, and she found out, about 2 weeks later I moved in with my mother. At 47 years old that was rather humiliating. I didn’t stop drinking that day, but a few months later I did get back to the AA program, with God’s help.
By the way, if you do believe in God, be sure to ask for His help. He can do what no human can. And, He’s always around to talk to, and stays up all night.
We (the alchoholic) don’t think we are hurting others as much as we really are. We also will deny we have a problem. Al-Anon helps you live with that.
The first sentence of How It Works, taken from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” There is hope!
Chip