(nod nod)
thats the part that snagged me too
he doesnt care about her, and likely never did
but who knows whats going on with him
things are almost always more complicated than they seem
You’ll understand if I’m a little touchy about that “S” word. I was hammered with that word and it’s a little bit like being called a molester. It’s hard to shake mentally.
I have learned a lot from that ordeal. I came very close to “loosing it” at that point. But I became much stronger from it.
I was at that lost place then that so many write about here. Learning about NPD is like the final piece of the puzzle for me. The real kick in the pants is that I really think my family enjoyed my misery.
In my defense? The waterman? I told him I wasn’t interested and he still called me to tell me that he was driving past my house. Six months after I moved , the neighbors and I were out shooting the breeze and one of them wondered aloud why the waterman was in the neighborhood so much. I had never said anything.
I guess in his case it’s not stalking, since it’s in his work vehicle and poses no threat to me. It’s kind of a surveillance of me.
Oh Lordy…when I read that re-post of the stalking law I got all riled up. It’s hard to even comment on. I will say that the stalking laws are just a re-hash of laws already on the book. Just sayin’. Maybe I’m a little biased.
Damn, she got me good with that one. I was behind her in traffic the other day and just about every emotion possible hit me all at once. Almost overwhelming. I’m just upset that she’s able to do that to me. I thought I was emotion free…
Denm Hi,
My first thought about this guy is; how come he couldn’t just straight out ask you for your address. In this day and age I think its wise to be cautious. How many times do you hear about serial killers being just the local whatever, wouldnt hurt a fly etc. I just find it a wee bit disturbing how this man has gone about finding your address. Denm I am not meaning to be an alarmist or trying to scare you, just that sometimes it pays to be aware, wise and cautious. When I was doing a degree in Psychology (which unfortunately I have deferred) I did a side course on ‘Inside the mind of a serial killer’. Our teacher was a professional profiler here in Australia Dr John Clarke. It was so very interesting but also alarming. Everyone should be told how these people work and what causes it. After all we and our loved ones have but one life and i figure that is worth watching out for.
I wonder what kind of support and help you’d get from a forum on Psychopathy?
It sounds like thats the theory you’re leaning more towards than Narcissism?
There would have to be a lot of Narcissistic traits in Psychopaths. They are seeking power, gratification, etc; their thinking is totally absorbed in their own selfish needs, not anyone one elses, particularily their victims. They can be just as insidious, cold and calculating, acting Mr Nice Guy to the outside world in order to have no one suspect them.
So sorry if I have affended anyone.
Perhaps I should share a little of my personal life just to clarify things. I do know about Narcissistic men first hand, unfortunately. My father is the first one I have had to and still endure in my life. He is much worse since my mother died 10 years ago. I could tell you things that would make your hair stand up on end so to speak. My parents did not want me and reinforced this with no affection or spoken words of love whatsoever, so I lived in a world of my own. My mother had 2 girls in her first marriage. Mom’s 1st husband died in a Burma prison in World war 2. Mom remarried some years later to an army guy who was very abusive and had 2 boys to him, whom she finally left, leaving all 4 children behind who were then aged from 6 to 17. My mother had no money and this was back in the 1950’s. Mom was then with my father and she was 41 when I was born, so i can understand why she didnt want another child, but my father was in his 30’s and he had never had any other children and had never been married before.
My father was very abusive in most of the narcissistic ways. His constant drinking made it even more unbearable. I couldnt wait to get away from home. I was going to church through my half sisters influence and met my first narcissistic husband who turned out to be gay, but I was not aware until I left him 4 1/2 years later on the advice from the paster that married us who feared for my life at that time. My 2nd narc.husband I stayed with for 18 years. He used emotional blackmail in the beginning to get me to marry him. I had my 2 boys to him, they are the only good thing that came from that marriage. This man almost destroyed me mentally, emotionally and all that goes with domestic violence. I finally left with my 2 boys with the help from a local refuge and never went back. I would write more details but it would take so long and be like a book. My 3 rd husband is the most insidious of the 3. He is from Slovenia, and has come from a very violatile background. I left this man last September after 5 years marriage. This man if you met him, would have you believe he is the most wonderful kind man you have ever met. Unlike my other two husbands, no3 was not needy. He is in IT, a computer manager and advisor for an accounting firm. You would think butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. I never picked it in him even after 8 years of therapy from a psychiatrist before hand. No3 had his traits so well covered. We even had counselloring which my 1st and 2nd husbands would never agree to. No 3 became a Christian and we were baptised together at a beach, it was so beautiful. I so believed this one would work. No 3 was into vintage motorbikes and so I got my license to ride a motorbike too, so we could ride together, He was into sailing also, so we went sailing in old undesirable old yachts that he bought off ebay. Life sounds good doesnt it but was not… No 3 has the most violent temper and the most narcissistic man I have ever met. They all were npds but in different degrees and as I said before No 3 was the worse. He is 2 people in one absolutely. I have had many many years of therapy and have studied many books and courses due to beinng so driven to find answers. Even after all of this I still feel so hooked into no 3 when he is being so kind and nice towards me. I cant understand myself… It hurts so badly, as you know so well with your own experiences. I am 50 now and all I want is love and to give love, peace, happiness and safety in my life. So I do not plan to go back to him, but I am still so drawn to the man he portrays when I met him, the one I fell inlove with. Its so cruel to believe you found the right one, he says and makes you believe he loves you only to find out the true man is only lying playing games and putting on a facade in order to feed his own mental sickness and doesnt know what love is lt alone really feeling it. He even told me he doesnt know or understand what love is. He broke my heart and has no remorse whatsoever. This man had been married 3 times before, plus he had many relationships as well, has no children. I believed his story that his wives used him etc. how stupid and gullable am I. Some of his own friends dont believe what he is really like, only a few do the ones who grew up with him. You know I never ever have met his mother not in the 6 and half years I have known him, he hates her, he wont even contact her. His father went back to Slovenia with his second wife. His father treates his second wife appaulingly, so cruel and demeaning. I could go on and on
but I have said so much already, you will be going to sleep.
Anyway it is so good to to be able to talk to you all on here, to have support groups like this one, because you know you are not going crazy and that others understand cause they have been through it. Somehow it clarifies things. You know what I find so astounding, is the stories we read on here are so similar, the patterns are so much the same, doesnt seem to matter what nationality the narc pd is, they have the same patterning just different degrees of it in some areas.
I am just so grateful we have a Heavenly Father in whom we can trust, who loves us unconditionally and that he make the bad into positives if we let him. God is all I had as child and I guess that is where my faith developed. Though like most people, I guess I didnt stay with God as I should have and it has been a rollercoaster life journey but I know he was always there cause I m sure I wouldnt be still here if it were not so.
Angelina,
I’m so sorry that you too, have such firsthand experience with "N"s. You said your 3rd wasn’t needy, but did he need you to put down to make himself feel better? Did he need you there to dump his rage on? Those needs come in different forms.