I just have to tell everyone what a conquest I have made in my agoraphobia. I have been working with a therapist that comes
to my house. Any way, I’ve been working on small steps out of the house and things would go well and then something would happen
and the door would slam again. Well I went with 2 friends to a very small setting/venue max 150 to see Ozark Mountain Dare Devils. I had a couple of short of breath attacks, we got their early and I sat down. I had to get up once to go to bathroom and on the way I felt like I was 10 feet tall. I felt taller than everyone and I was so embarrassed. I got to the bathroom and it felt small as I was feeling so tall. I got back to my seat and didn’t move around anymore. It was a great concert and I stayed to the end. I am really proud of myself despite the few panicy moments. A huge step for me. I’ve been indoors for a year. So this was HUGE!!! I hope yall are as happy as me.
WAY TO GO! Sounds like you are doing an awesome job accomplishing something very hard for you. Keep it up!
TM2TRIVER anxiety-cpt6627@lists.careplace.com wrote:
THATS SO GREAT I AM SOCIAL PHOBIC AND I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT FEELING OFF WHEN YOU GO OUT. WHAT A GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!
River, I have already told you how proud of you I am. That was a big step.
You forgot to tell about you long walk.That was a giant step.
You go girl…Good luck tomorrow.
Thats so great!!! Those baby steps are what its all about… And when you take a few it does mean the world to you… Keep up the great work and pat yourself on the back… Sounds to me like you took a giant step !!!
Diana
People who don’t suffer from agoraphobia find it almost impossible to imagine what goes through the mind of somebody suffering from this illness. Each person’s individual experience during an attack may differ, but generally speaking, an attack is very real and can be quite terrifying.It is justifiably perplexing and perhaps even frustrating to attempt to really understand what agoraphobia is if you have not experienced it yourself.
I developed what I consider ‘Mild’ agoraphobia in mid 1991, after an incident changed my life completely. I fall smack A*s into the one-third % of panic disorder patients who have developed agoraphobia.
Before this incident, I was able to live my life to the fullest, with no restrictions. From 1991 - 1996 I was unable to leave my home without feeling like I was in harm’s way. I was travelling to my father’s house one weekend, and had to turn the car around when I was half way there and come home again, simply because I felt so uneasy and afraid. I knew that the one place I could be safe was in my home.
Changing wasn’t easy. It meant letting go of a lot of negative self-talk that had become the norm for me.
I’m extremely Proud of you Rivers, your a courageous woman , It seems like a easy thing for most people to do, but not so much for an agoraphobe. You did it! I am so proud of you,and I’m smiling ~ ‘mostly’ because you tried it ,and you’r going to keep trying. Right ??
“There is one thing we can do better than anyone else: we can be ourselves.” … Always Remember that sweetie.
Like my Sister reminds me, the goal isn’t to conquer the biggest, most crowded store, but to just get used to getting outside the house again. You know, baby steps…
See…you are not alone! There are many many just like you out in the world.
Jade
Keep on Keeping on ~
Jade,
I’m interested in know how you are nowadays…have things gotten easier for you?
Jade ~ anxiety-cpt6627@lists.careplace.com wrote:
In my opinion there are very few therapists who really understand agoraphobia. They understand panic attacks, and panic disorder, I don’t feel agoraphobia can be lumped in with those disorders. Agoraphobia often has its own inherent issues that also need to be treated, my mom has many different disorders , so many I can’t decifer one from the other ,and I’m not in any way devaluing my mom , I can’t help but wonder how much is actually within our gene’s. Ya’ know.
So, anyhow…
(I will probably get side tracked and talk about other things as well so please bear with me!) 
I saw three different therapists, for over a period of about six months each. None of them were right for me, or I wasn’t right. Period.
Back at that specific time in my life … this actually was a horrible time for me; I was convinced that the problem was me, that there was something so horribly wrong with me, that I couldn’t be treated, that my anti-multitude-phobia(s) were the worst there ever was, and that I would never get well. I was so despondent, I felt hopeless and helpless and often contemplated what life was really for and why I was here. I had tried therapy and it hadn’t worked for me, but I still had a smidgen of ‘Hope’
So there I had the first stumbling block.
What I really wish someone had told me then and what I want to tell you now, is don’t give up after a bad experience with medication therapy or a therapist.
Please persist until you find a therapist you can work with. It is not you; you can be treated no matter how bad you think your condition is.
Now having said that, any form of therapy is not easy. It is hard work and I don’t want you to think I gave up on previous therapists because I thought it was too hard. I can honestly tell you that I tried my best with the other therapists. One who had been recommended to me was quite a distance from where I lived and getting to that therapy was like torture for me every week, but more often than not, I managed it. Whatever the therapist asked me to do I tried to do it, even if I often didn’t succeed, I tried. It did eventually become too much for me though.
The therapists I saw who used CBT I found to be too “clinical†in their approach with me. For other people that might suit them perfectly and work really well for them. For me, at that stage of my agoraphobia I needed someone who I felt really understood me, would really listen to me and above all would be kind and gentle with me, especially in the beginning. I needed to feel that even though I had this terrible disorder(s) , (and I personally consider my disorder ‘mild’ in comparison to the average sufferer,) I was still a decent human being, that I was still worthwhile as a person. After being stuck for so long, trying therapy, trying so hard to get better and it not happening, I really didn’t believe I was a worthwhile person.
I also felt that my partner and some of my friends at this particular stage were getting sick of me not getting any better and perhaps thought that I really didn’t want to get better. I felt that they thought if I really wanted to get better, I would be getting better. Ah, if only it was that easy! 
No matter how much our family and friends may love and care about us, these are truly very hard disorder(s) to understand and indeed, it is often hard for them to live with as well.
So, with feeling so bad about myself I needed a therapist who would be kind and understanding. Thank God I found her in 1993, she’s now retired and I haven’t seen her since 1998. I truly believe she helped me… she had ways within her that honestly helped me save my own life. When I was despairing at my lowest, her understanding and belief in me raised me up and helped me get through it, I continued to work, other than work I had a sheltered life and very little socializing went on , I hated public -anywhere …didn’t matter if it was shopping (which most females enjoy) , I skipped at least 9 wedding’s throughout the course of my worst period of time and I rarely ventured outside my comfort zone! I worked with her for a few years and while I am not completely free of my multitude of - phobia(s) ; the progress I made was and IS remarkable. Again I would like to stress that therapy is not easy. My therapy was so difficult at times, and there were many times when I wanted to give up but I was able to talk it through with my therapist and we found a way to get through it.
The type of therapy I was having was " psychotherapy". My therapist told me at the very beginning that it would be a long process. Psychotherapy is no ‘quick fix’. She was honest with me and told me that it would be long and at times emotionally intense and difficult, and she was absolutely correct-o.
It has also been the most valuable experience of my life. However, like other therapies, psychotherapy does not suit everyone. **
As I said earlier, no matter what type of treatment you decide on, getting there each week can be the problem. I think this can be one of the reasons that agoraphobia can remain untreated for so long. And the longer it goes untreated unfortunately the worse it may get. There is also the matter of the cost of treatment. Government run programs can be good but there are sometimes long waiting lists, or the treatment period is not long enough. If you decide to pay for it yourself it can be very expensive.
I think I have read numerous book’s written on agoraphobia and panic disorders , social anxiety etx etx. Some books were great, others, well, not so great. Still I think you can take a bit of something from everything you read. Online support groups, message boards and online forums , I personally have mixed feelings about. Some of the online support is a great deal of help and support through it initially , however I do think for some people online groups can become a substitute for actually doing anything about their “stuckness” !!
On the other hand, agoraphobia is a VERY isolating disorder and if you can find the support YOU need online then sharing your experiences and listening to other peoples experiences can be very helpful. More often than not people will be very understanding.
I think in the beginning we may try to hide our anxiety from everyone, which in fact just creates even more anxiety from desperately trying to hide how we feel and sometime’s it’s quite scarey, as well as just trying to deal with how scared we really are. By letting people know we may also be helping other’s. If you come across someone who doesn’t know or understand what the condition is and you explain it to them, the next time they deal with an agoraphobic person they will have more understanding.
One of the other things that has helped me enormously over the years has been meditation. I would strongly encourage everyone to try it. Even if you can do nothing else, please give meditation a try. It is so beneficial in every way. I highly recommend " Pauline McKinnon’s Stillness Meditation CD", I believe Borders sell’s it or you can google it and purchase it online. With meditation it is important to make it a part of your regular everyday routine to get the most from it.
I know the pain very well and the awful despair it can bring with it. No matter how you might feel now, please know there is hope. You can find a way to recover.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step.†Old Chinese proverb.
This is all for now. A warm embrace to you all.
Jade ~
WoW Jade~ You gave me more info than my Psych or Therapist. Thanks.
My therapist will come to my home, I love her, and will be friends when therapy ends I am sure. However, she is an “in the moment” therapist. And I found moving forward impossible. Finally I learned that I had wounds in the past that hadn’t healed or been delt with and they continued to haunt and hinder my movement. It is very easy for me to be caught up in being outside of me, ya know?, and intellectual understanding and actual movement to the heart and actions is difficult. Thanks for the info and understanding
I appreciate all of the posts from everyone, I am very proud of me. I want to get my hair cut. That is my next excursion. sitting and being trapped there is going to be a real test. I want a haircut and color. I lost so much hair during the interferon treatment for my Hep C I have a horrible looking mullet left after I tried to even it up! LOL I wanna go really short and get some wigs. I am scheduled to do treatement again in January so I’ll have the hair issues again. And I have Neil Young I want to see in concert so I have some motivation to get out. Much love 2 all.
River,
Moving on with your life , though its what you long to do , is slow and arduous work. Far easier discussed than done. But I do understand your longing for the past to be put somewhere over the rainbow and your desire to have peace of mind over ‘this & that’ !! Come to think of it , everyone craves peace ,and we mustn’t underestimate our fundamental need for it.
In the meantime , keep on keeping on! I’ll be praying for Peace to enfold your whole being - from head to toe.
I send love …
Jade ~
Hey Jade,
Thanks for sharing some of your story. I like to hear about other peoples journeys and get ideas of some ways to be successful.
I developed Agorophobia about a year ago after dealing with really bad irritable bowel syndrome that eventually caused anxiety disorder due to a fear of being away from the bathroom. Then I started having fainting spells and that just through everything out of whack. i started becoming fearful all of the time. i was always scared i was going to pass out. i was constantly obsessing over my health and became a hypchondriac. For the first three months of this year, i was pretty much homebound. But then I bought a camper van with a bathroom in it and i started trying to do some practice drives to get myself used to being away from the house again. It was still really hard and I still have anxiety attacks anytime i am going somewhere that is more t han 15 minutes from home. I just started a new job that is 5 minutes from home, but being out of the house all day still creates anxiety and i am still trying to get used to it.
i just wanted to know if you have conquered your agoraphobia yet of if it is still a battle?
Thanks again for the info and let me know how you are now.
Thanks,
Katrina
Jade ~ anxiety-cpt6627@lists.careplace.com wrote:
Nice to meet you!
I’ve had mild - moderate agoraphobia for years,it comes and goes ~ yet Ive felt it more in the last two year’s than I had for 4-5 yrs prior to being dx with Crohn’s and many complication’s. I can go out of my home, but I feel lots of restrictions day to day. Like most IBD sufferers I personally feel the strain it has on my social and working life. More of a challenge than the physical aspect. For a decade, before getting the right help, I suffered from overwhelming anxiety that interfered with my life. And, for almost 15 years I lived in what I consider a dark tunnel, full of misery,unhealthy relationship and depression. I was stuck in the vise-like grip of anxiety - living half a life. My body was a wreck (from experiencing dozens of overwhelming physical symptoms every day), my mind was constantly stuck in a treadmill of obsessive thoughts, and I avoided most people, places, and situations in a futile attempt to avoid my anxiety. I was also afraid of feeling anxious. I would go to bed in tears because I didn’t know what to do, or how to feel better.
Out of frustration I sought advice from doctors, psychologists, and met with someone recommended to me - who was a natural healer. I read countless books and research studies. I tried what I would consider a wide range of advice.
I believe I will always struggle. I get overwhelmed , Anxiety strikes out of the blue, and my social phobics are definitely my worst enemy - still - today!
I cope through …
- Terrifying flashbacks of traumatic events in my life
- My health
- The avoidance of doing things, going places, or seeing people that trigger my anxiety
- Dieing and death are extremely difficult for me ,and increasingly more difficult.
- Uncover and overcome personal obstacles for my own healing truly is my goal.
I am all about using what works.
Thank’s for asking how I’m doing ~ For …today I’m doing Ok. I live in the present and that help’s me get through.
Jade ~
BooHoo!! I was unable to make the Neil Young concert. I haven’t recovered enough from the recent tour at the hospital operating room, LOL, and the agoraphobia was rampant . My STBX went and said it was awesome. That Neil played 90 minutes of acoustic and harmonica all by his lonesome. And then did the remainder electric. I wish I had made it. I love Neil.
I am Fringe living right now, not engaged with the REAL world, just my lil piece of the planet. I do wish you all a GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE Turkey Day. Give Thanks
Rivers ,Im so sorry you missed seeing Neil , I bet he'll Play again in the future and possibly you'll be healthier and free as a birdy to get your cute little fanny to his show down. I'll be crossing my toesies for better days to enter your world , wishes and prayers are being directed your way as of this moment ... 10:12p my time ;)
Happy holiday to you ..and yours. And, gurl .. take care of you's and you's need healing time sweet cheeks.
SWEET DREAMS ... In la la land...
xx Jade ~
Yes, I reckon Neil will show his sweet self again. And I’ll be there dancin up a storm It is suppose to snow tonight and tomorrow. I still am working myself up for my haircut. Tonight it’s a fire and some home-made Pecan Pie. smile
My mind is my best friend and my worst enemy, depending on its state of mind. I try so hard to overcome this SA crap and talk to people, but my mind will not shut up. By the time I think of anything relevant to say, the conversation has long since moved on. I cannot control this, and I have tried everything .... Now I've come to the point where I need to try something different , hopefully something benefical and helpful !!
I've been having pretty bad anxiety lately over my son's health , taken time off from work because of my son's illness , finances and life circumstances.
Ooh the joys of living this tantited life of mine!
Jade
How is your son, Jade? And your husband? Last we shared your husband was in the hospital. And now your son? OMG! What else has happened? Isn't it true that tragedy comes in groups? Sure seems like it in my life. When it rains it pours.! I am sending you lots of hugs and many sorrys and much sympathy for your difficult time. It's got to be heart breaking for you. And being in that stress over time will be grueling on you and your health. Be well and good to yourself.
How is your beading coming along. I haven't done any but have been thinking alot about it. I stay so in my head.... got start the action......oh no, not today.... please just not today, I am weary and I have no reason. Chronic illness, what an old lady that sounds like. Gosh I just remembered this is a thread and not a letter to you!!! HaaHaHaHahHaaHahahahaha SORRY I LOST THE THREAD FOR A BIT....
I DID go get MY HAIR CUT ! The stylist was so great, she "got" me, what I needed and things went great. I now have little short bouncy curls all over my head. I had no idea ~ I'm a curly moppet for sure. To level out the length due to hair loss while on treatment we had to go to 2" in length. I have highlights and it's really fun. I just wash it and go... not blowing, or curling, or straightening. hip hip hooray. I have good days with my phobia and bad days. I still can't be with general public. And to run in to folks I know would really be a challenge I am not ready for yet. Hopefully soon.
I know what you are talking about jade I have spent an hour and a half at a quilting group today I could only shake my head not a very good baby step but my Aunt was pleased that I went I thought about not going but next thursday when I have my counceling session I didn’t want to here it from my dr I have a habit of not doing my asisgnments that he has for me to scared to
Congratulations Eeyore!! A job well done. There is nothing so hard as the things we don't want to do...
And GIRL, YOU DID IT!!! Be Loud and Proud about it! LOL, lets hear some HOORAYS!!!!!
I can so relate to this…I feel like a different person when in public. Very small and very valnerable. The fear sometimes is too much to deal with and sometimes makes it not worth venturing out into the open…