Hi Angela,
I know how you feel I went through whatever you are going right now. I know your case is different because you got it when you are a child. I feel comfortable with my hospital closer to my house and with the
doctors and nurses. First of all I have to tell that today is a very good day for me. I went to pain clinic and we were falling short of a week’s medication when we go to India, because we couldn’t get the tickets exactly for a month as the returning rush is too much so we are coming on 4th Sept. And luckily I saw a new Pain Specialist who is the new Director of the Pain Clinic. My earlier Dr. was so nice and he has disappeared since one year and nobody will say where he has gone and I missed him so much. So every month I was going for just refills but not to talk to doctor and tell how I am feeling. I just wanted my doctor back so badly. Today we had appointment with this new doctor and we had explain all the situation and I was thinking he is not going to
understand all the things and they are not going to give me extra medication. So, I already wrote to my GI and he agreed to write in case pain doctors don’t write. I was fine. Once the doctor came in he pulled the chair and started talking about India where he has been recently for a conference and he liked the people and the way things are there. He said, they figured out how to give us extra medication. They are going to give us for a month prescription and also another 10 days prescription but can’t promise whether the Insurance will pay. We said, we are prepared for that. And we talked about how scared I’m because I’m traveling after 9yrs but I told him about the good Drs. we have there in case I get into trouble. Then he said, you are all set, there is nothing
to be worried. It was his first day of work as Director and I asked him can I be his patient. I told him after a long time I felt like talking to my previous Dr. So, now I have good pain specialist with whom I can communicate and not go there just for refills. And I came home and opened my emails I saw that you have come home. Isn’t it a very good day?
I’m sorry I couldn’t finish what I was talking to you and I know the kids need our attention. I think the girls must have missed you so much. For a while Angela forget about everything and ask them to come and sit
with you in your bed and have nice talk with them. What did they do when you were in the hospital may be they already told you all that. But sitting next to you,holding you, looking at you, feeling you what you
are going through they need to know what’s going on with mommy. It’s up to you whether to tell them or not. Everybody deals with kids in a different way.
Angela it’s not fun to find out that there are so many things going on with your health. It is scary. I know one day I’m going to get in the hospital when I can’t take this pain and they’ll do tests and they might find few more problems. Because to get up and do all the things and keep my pain under control I’m on high dosage of medication but I don’t lie down all the time. Maybe one nap in the day sometimes I can’t even take
that and I keep myself busy with so many things. I don’t find time to do some things sometimes. But I don’t want to stop doing what I’m doing because they have changed my life so much. Totally distracted from my
pain and doing things I like gives me happiness and happiness is the best medicine anyone can have right? And I have found so many friends and that is another great medicine to keep me happy.
Please try to look at the things from different point of view. By worrying about going to miss the hospital, those doctors, the staff you are not doing any good to yourself. Give it some time. Right now you need to pull yourself together and get your pain under control. You know very well that the stress and tense situations may make the pain much more worse. So, for now moving away from big picture come to your home, start looking around, just feel how good it feels to be home after so many days.
Do you have garden, just take a look at them, or they doing well, or do they need to be watered. The family was so busy and worried about you maybe they forgot to water them. What’s your favorite place in the
house, sit down there or lie down there and if you can take a nap there just lie down and try to imagine your girls when they were babies, or take a look at their album it totally takes you into a different world.
One time when I came from the hospital I was very upset and my daughter who was just 3 years old wanted to play with all her hair clips, hair bands, so she spread everything down and trying to put some in her doll.
I watched her sometime and then I bent and took some clips in my hand then suddenly my daughter said, mom can I put all clips in your hair and make it beautiful. I said, ok. You won’t believe we had so much fun with
her hairclips. She has put all the clips on my head and then hair bands on top of them then some flower shaped clips so that they’ll look like I’m wearing flowers in my hair. I put in her hair some. Then my husband
saw both of us having so much fun he took a picture. Another time when I came from the hospital my daughter’s hair wasn’t done and I said, do you want me to comb. She had very long hair until her waist. I had very long hair too. Then we remembered that my father-in-law has sent some Indian hair decorations like we have to braid the hair and then put them at the end of the hair with gold color things hanging down. It looks beautiful. We both made up hair beautifully and then I said, we should wear Indian dresses so we wore just Indian shirts on top of our pants. Then we pretended that we became models so with Indian scarves we gave lot of poses for the photo shoot. That time my liver enzymes were going up all the time and my GI was insisting that I should go for total Pancreatectomy which my surgeon is not ready to do. And my GI doctor kept saying that, ’ if you end up with Type I diabetes we can take care of that very carefully, I don’t know why he is refusing. It’s the only option you have.’ To get my mind off continuous thinking and driving myself crazy I needed to do something different and the activities like we had done always helped me to relax and smile with her. Sometimes we put the Indian songs and dance until we get tired or I clap to the music and she dances and we have so much fun. Sometimes we roll down with laughter because she does all the funny steps instead of doing the steps from the movies.
In the evening when kids go to sleep you can tell all the worries to your husband and if the tears flow let them,they’ll take out lot of burden or pressure from your shoulders or mind. Please remember you just
came home need to recover and when you gain some strength back then you can sit down and think what are your options. We will research and see what are the procedures, or any other options are available. When you
feel little better then you can take step by step. One step at a time darling. You don’t want to run fast when you are not feeling well. We are all here and maybe we can help you to figure it out what we can do about these problems, ok? Right now you have to get your pain under control, your thoughts together so that you can move forward very carefully. It may not as bad as you think and like I found my doctor today you may find it more comfortable seeing GI doctor and the other hospital you may go next time when you are in trouble may be better and not that bad. I know all the doctors, nurses know you better in this hospital but try to give a chance to other doctors and nurses and who knows before you know you may start liking it very much.
I love you Angela.
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. WE HAVE GOOD MEDICAL FACILITIES AND THERE ARE SO MANY RESEARCHES ARE GOING ON AND SOON THEY MAY FIND SOME KIND OF THINGS TO MAKE US MORE COMFORTABLE OR TOTALLY CURE THE DISEASE, WHO KNOWS. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN DREAMING DEAR FRIEND. I KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO BE PERFECTLY ALRIGHT. WE NEED TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GET BETTER FOR OURSELVES AND FOR OUR FAMILIES.
Take good care of yourself and don’t keep beating around the bushes and make yourself totally tired out and more frustrated which is not going to help you anyway. Remember step by step and everything is going to be alright.
Lots of Love and many hugs.
Durga.