Avoiding my narcissist

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

Last night he sent me two sms messages saying “hello” and “you out there?”

I didnt get them until this morning. For that I am grateful. this morning he sent a text message saying “do you have me block!” I got the message about five minutes after he sent it. of course as the day progresses I am getting more nervous and anxious wondering “what next?”

I did block him off of the messenger service we use, but have been ignoring his sms/text messages. help me, as the confusion is setting in! I figure he got everything he wanted… ie, me blocking him, etc… just not sure what he’s after, call me confused, not to mention scared… cause I really, really am.

#2

DRMOM be strong and ignore those messages, keep yourself busy and try not to think about him. Can you go out with a friend to help take your mind off him. Has he left that girl and is now wanting you back? Try to be calm, maybe he will give up if you don’t reply or pick up. Be strong, hugs mamolie

#3

Hi DRMOM,

I am new here, but only to this website, certainly not to the subject of narcissism and what it feels like to be a victim of one. Whenever my N continues to pursue me when I’ve told him to stop, I always wonder to myself, What is it he wants with me? What more can I give? How much do I have to suffer before this will end?

The answers rarely come to me, but I do know this: i do supply that positive feedback that he so desperately seeks out. it is in my nature to look for the good in people and acknowledge that part of them. i do it naturally, so N’s are attracted to me.

if you can muster up the courage, do not answer. do not call. take care of yourself and remember the pain that this man has caused you. no one deserves to be treated badly.

#4

Mamolie and Lucia,

Yes, him and the girl are broken up. I really didn’t think he would be back this time. I have heard nothing from him since 11:00 this morning and I have kept busy today. My niece came over to visit this afternoon. It’s great having her here! To be honest with you, I don’t know if he is trying to come back or just mess with me. In all honesty, I don’t know what he wants. It’s been 4 months of no contact and ignoring his messages. I really had hoped he would just go away and I wouldn’t have to go through this again.

Lucia, the answers don’t come to me, either. I can’t tell him to stop, because then he seems to try harder. I don’t want to talk to him, or see him, because all I think about is what he has done and said … that’s enough to keep me away. thank you both for your input.

#5

DRMOM, I’m having the same problem with my N. I can’t believe that he’s tried to contact you for 4 months??? Jeez it really is a sickness isn’t it. I completely understand your fear. A friend of mine suggested that I tell my Ex I have a boyfriend. Maybe if he thinks I’m in a serious relationship he will stop trying to contact me. I think it’s a good idea that just might work. It’s a shame I must lie in order to get some distance but nothing else is working. He called me over and over again at work on Friday, I feel like I’m loosing my mind. It’s really hard to tell someone you love and have a history with over and over again that you’re not interested. I commend you for being so strong.

#6

Dee,

About once a month for four months he would text my cell phone. I told my ex-N that I had a boyfriend before and the result was one of two… he chased me harder was the first and the second was that he thought I was lying. I think telling them anything is absolutely pointless. the best suggestion I can offer is the no contact rule, as hard as it may be, it truly is the only way to get rid of them.

DRMOM

#7

Yeah I hear ya. I think it’s important to be done with the relationship in your heart. That way no amount of calling etc. will effect your ability to move forward with your life.

#8

My N contacted me for a year straight after we broke up and did some crazy things. I finally just now got him to go away, haven’t heard from him in almost a week which is unusual.

We have to remember that they are mentally ill. We contact people when we want to speak with them and we miss them. Narcissists contact people when they are low on supply. They are leeches, parasites, vampires.

I got really frightened when I noticed that my N was taking on my hobbies, my interests, he even got a career doing what I do. They don’t have any sense of self and so they seek out people to fill in what they don’t have.

Ask yourself, do I have any more to give to this person? Because he wants something. And you can be sure it’s all TAKE TAKE TAKE. And then toss.

Who needs it? He has other people around, let them pick up the slack. Or better yet, give him the number of a good psychologist.

#9

confused99,

When the N was contacting you for this past year, what did you do? Did you talk to him or ignore him? It's hard to believe how persistent they can be when they want to. How did you get him to go away? That is scary that he would take on your hobbies/interests and career. I wouldn't know what else to think of that. No sense of self makes total sense, because they constantly feed off of everyone. My question is this.... what makes them so cruel, hateful and hurtful? You have definitely been through the roller coaster of life with an N. Being used over and over again, then tossed to the curb like a bag of trash. Not a good feeling. At this point, I don't care who my ex-N talks to or gets involved with. As long as he leaves me out of it, more power to him!