Today is my son’s 8th birthday. He’s been with his dad since last Friday until this Friday. Wednesday’s are usually our midweek visitation, but since my XN gets the kids for their birthdays in odd years and his birthday happens to fall on a Wednesday, I don’t get to see them for a week, even on his birthday.
I sent my XN an email asking if I could please have the kids for their visitation with me on Tuesday instead. He wrote back saying “Thanks for the invitation but I’ll have to decline.” I didn’t expect more from him, just wanted to show the courts I was trying to be civil. I’ve long gotten over a sympathetic response from him.
So I went up to the school today for my son’s recess. His teacher had said I could “send in” cupcakes for his birthday and they would have them at recess. I really think she thought I was going to drop them off and leave. We’ve been having trouble with his teacher not being very compassionate before this.
Well, my son, along with others had to complete classwork during their recess. Instead of his teacher telling him it would be ok for him to skip it just this once because it was his b’day, she made him do it while I stood around waiting. It took him the whole recess except for the last 4-5 minutes. Mind you, I just wanted to spend a few minutes with him on his birthday and this was my only chance. He began to get emotional at that point. He started crying and hanging on to me asking me to stay longer. I told him I couldn’t because he had to go back to class. It started to escalate when the teacher blew the whistle for the class to go. He would not go and while crying and hanging on to me, he said “what if I miss you?” The look of fear and panic in his eyes is killing me. His teacher just took off with the class offering no help or kind words.
I finally got him to go after having to get a little firm with him but my heart is broken. On any day it destroys me to see him this way, but ESPECIALLY on his birthday. I left and had a break down in the car on the way home. He’s hurting so much and I feel so helpless.
I know I’ve written before about the difficult time he’s having at school this year since 50/50 custoday started. I had brought him a little gift to open up when he got home, but during the hard time, I couldn’t give it to him.
God help us.
We HAVE to help our children.
The children do not understand and how could they if we as adults are having a very hard time dealing with our N’s. This is the advice that was given to me when I am in the same type of situation… Just show your child/children as much love and stability as you can even if you are being ripped apart inside. Keep your head up and smile every time your with your child even if you have to fake it. It actually has been helping to do this with my children so I thought I would pass the suggestion on to you. It is so hard to see your children in pain and you are so helpless to fix it but remember your child loves you and can see when your upset as well. Hugs and kisses work Wonder’s. Good luck and I am here for you as well as other group members.