I have had Social Anxiety almost all my life.
When I was little I was shy and we moved a lot so I had trouble making new friends because of my shyness. Then I was almost out of it when I was in the seventh grade because I met new friends and they helped me out a lot. Then I started High School and my friends all ditched me because people automatically started making fun of me for the way I look and my friends were embarrassed by that. Guys were making fun of me everyday, telling me that I was a dog. I started getting asked out for fake dates. Guys would walk up to me and say “Will you go out with me,” of course I would know they were teasing and I would just stare then they would come out with something dumb like: “I would never date an ugly dog like you.” or “Just kidding, you’re too ugly” and etc.
People my age on the streets would start yelling things out to me about the way I look. So I started eating a lot and started to gain weight as well which just made it more fun for people to make fun of me. I have lost most of the weight now though, there is still some to come off but I’m not overweight like I used to be. I am in the average percentage but I would like to get back to my old size.
People still make fun of me though. Ever since I was 14 people have been telling me that I look like a guy instead of a girl. I got to a point where I refused to leave my house at all. But then about a year ago I realized just how lonely I really am. I started going out more again with some of the old friends I have that accept me for who I am. I am starting to get better with talking to people. Most people now are nice and will talk to me, but High School has ruined any self-confidence I could have.
I am now 20 years old and have never kissed a guy or been in a relationship. Most guys are nice to me now, I am friends with some of the ones that use to make fun of me. (I don’t believe in holding grudges, I like to forgive and forget) I still get anxious around guys though. I can’t go out to parties at all, the last party I went to my friends had to trick me into going. They knew I would say no so they didn’t tell me where we were going. As soon as I got into the party I started having panic attacks. That always happens to me when I go somewhere with too many people. I can’t go into places where there are a lot of people or else I have bad panic attacks. They are very embarrassing.
I really want to be able to go to parties and maybe meet a guy but it’s hard. Today I put on makeup and I thought it looked horrible so I took it off quickly. I do hang out with guys and talk to some guys but none of the ones (even though they are nice to me and would never call me ugly) I hang out will date me because of the way I look.