my daughter inlaw is 21 she just had her first baby, The first week went straight to work left me caring for my grand daughter. When she is around the baby she seems lost not knowing what to do she turns to who ever is there and asked them to feed or change her diaper. Family members have volunteered to help her until she changes her work schedule from night to days. She feels that would be a problem or not even an option because she
makes good money working nights. ( MY son makes good money ) she depends on my other daughter in law to continue to adjust her work schedule to help her and come weekends , and come weekends looks forward on me driving 100 miles to get the baby and bring the baby back with no concerns
HI, I’ve never wrote to you before, but thought I would speak to you on this issue, as I have a daughter that was the same way.
She, years ago, she gave all of her kids up for adoption.
But she had kept one for two years, another for two years, one went to adoption right away, and the last one for 8 years.
But the two years with the two she kept for two years, and one for eight years, she kept pawning her off to people to whom ever would take care of them for her, sometimes for weeks. She was a single mom except with the last one.
But he was very abusive to her, the Mom, was abused mentally. She was taken from her from the STate because her ex made up lies about her. He said if she ever left him he’d make sure she would loose her daughter, and she did.
However, this is all besides the point. Years later, she admited that couldn’t bond with her babies, the reason why she had everyone else taking care of them for her.
Your daughter-in-law sounds like she is having a problem with bonding with her baby. This happens quite often with the first baby. Plus, I myself, was the same way with my first one. Thankfully I had a very understanding mother, as I was only 18. I really didn’t know what to do with this beautiful baby I had! Mom had her in the daytime and I had her at night. My Mom was the first one to give her her bath, as I was too scared! I’m not sure I bonded either, as I remember feeling distant! Of course I went on to have three more babies, and felt totally different with them.
I suggest you talk to your daughter-in-law in a loving way, a “just” way and a supportive way and find out what HER thoughts are! You may be surprized what you find out. She may be SCARED to take care of her baby, scared of doing something wrong! Or it may have been an unwanted pregnancy on her part, and she was just trying to PLEASE her families! She may have wanted a carreer instead of babies. She may resent the baby for taking up so much time! There are several reasons she has everyone else take care of the baby. But TALK TALK TALK TALK/ ASK QUESTIONS! Tell her you love her regardless! of her answers. But what ever she says, be supportive, suggest counseling.
Maybe she sees your son going off to work, having fun, doing what ever he wants to do with no attachments to the baby, as you don’t say if he is involved in the babies care or not. So there could be many reasons why this happening. It is so important for this baby to bond with his mother and dad NOW! My oldest grew up being more bonded to my mom then me, as she was the most secure and nurturing then I was when she was first born.
I hope this doesn’t upset you, I just know what some of my reasons were.
sincerely,
ike/bip