Is is possible for a narcissitic person to ever truly care about what they have done to others?
I don’t think it’s always relevant to discuss whether you care about others after you’ve hurt them. You can always feel bad about something after the fact, but that doesn’t mean you’ll actually make the “right” decision the next time around. I’m pretty sure that anyone who’s not a sadist honestly doesn’t like to see others get hurt, but many people make selfish decisions when it’s convenient to do so.
I sometimes find it confusing when the narcissist has learned how to feign empathy/ sympathy for others. I got caught up with that too often. Sometimes it seemed he was empathic but later all those warms feelings would dissipate like smoke. Are they ever capable of some kind of a break through or are they only capable of “empathy” as it some how extends to themselves?
I don’t want to fall for anymore smoke screens.
I remember when we use to support and help each other, where have all the caring people gone, I miss them. Hugs mamolie
joanne I do not think they can, since they lack emapthy, trying to reason and get them to understand your feelings and how they have hurt you is like trying to get a human response from one of your appliances, how sad that something was done or caused someone to be this way, even sadder for us. I am married for about to be 41 years, if anyone could have gotten through it would have been me, and I believed I could, I tried so hard and went 5 different times through the years to counseling trying to identify the problem, talking never had an impact on him at all. Honestly I think my dog feels more for me, he turns his head from side to side when I talk to him and licks my tears on bad days…What is also hard is they can not help who they are, so where do you direct that anger about all that abuse and bad behavior. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with that or where to put it. I am too old to start over, I am trying to find a way to live around him, now. It is a little bit easier now that I know how his mind works and there is a name for it, narcissistic personality disorder, I am not the problem. Hugs Mamolie
You are so right, you are not the problem. They are. But knowing that only makes it a little easier. How do you get past the pain of what they have done, what they have said, and how you’ve been treated. I’m just learning about this disorder and am shocked how I can find everything my man has ever done and said to me on a website…It’s all there. My entire relationship with this man has been described to a T on numerous website…while this give me some understanding as to why my life has been a living hell for the past year, it doesn’t make me feel any better for allowing it to go on for so long. I hate thinking that I am so weak, so in need of love and emotional intimacy, that I keep allowing myself to go back to his web of lies and demeaning comments. My relationship was just like the websites describe it…perfect in the beginning…it seadily declines as the “real him” comes out. The person that I once thought was perfect (to the point of wanting to marry him) is now angry, demeaning, demanding, harshly critical and just plain mean. I don’t understand how they can hid it so well. I kept wondering, does anyone else know he’s this way?? How do I tell anyone, they wont believe me anyway. And what kind of childhood,upbringing did this man go through to become this way?? I know I’ll never have the answers I want…I just have to pull myself up by the boot straps and be happy knowing I have learned enough about the disorder to know I need to get out of this relationship now.
Hi-
I don’t think so either. I have been on and off with my partner for 2 years. Trying to work on the relationship because we have a one year old son together. I try to explain my feelings of why what is being said to me is hurtful I guess expecting an apology and the response is nothing. I feel hurt everyday by this person and he makes me feel like I am the one with a problem.
Mamolie- You’re too old? You can’t start over? I don’t buy that. I got divorced after 34 years. I did it and so an you. My divorse cost me $140,000. I stayed in that marriage because the Catholic church said I had to. I finially realized that God can’t be that mean. No way. And lets face it. I was “poor Sue” for tooooo long. I got used to people feeling sorry for me. Four years after the divorse my Narcissist fornd me. I lived with him for a year and a half. That was worse than living with my ex for 34 years. I’m sorry woman but you are crazy for staying with him and living like that. You know darn well that you can get out of it. You CAN get away from him. You deserve some peace and quiet. You deserve to be talked to like a normal person. You deserve to be able to speak your mind at any time without having to face the wrath of a Narcissist. You don’t need to make excuses to your kids. Believe me they will get on with their lives. Stop making excuses. If you have put up with s— for all these years, believe me you can do it. You are stronger than you realize. I have faith in you.