Child born without father

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

My daughter wanted me to ask this question:

She wants to know if it is typical for a n/bi-polar man to want nothing to do with his unborn child, to quote him, “he doesn’t want it.”

What is so odd for her is that he actually married her with 2 children of her own. He now says hew wants nothing to do with his own flesh and blood, she doesn’t understand how he could just walk away without a second thought. Can they really be this cold, she is just really confused as to how any man could do this with clear conscience.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

#2

all i can say is that they want to be the 'child"perhaps her baby is’competition"the other children are not his…so its different…also,perhaps he doesnt feel’good enough’to be a father…these people have to be perfect…and parenthood is a huge test as regards being a"good enough’father…perhaps his own relationship with his parents is a factor/and he doesnt want to’mess up’his own child?
Whatever it is,its not fair,BUT who knows when the baby is born…only time will tell…hes probably afraid.

#3

I am trying to understand the afraid part, he used to say that about EVERYTHING, just like a child would. I had to go back and edit this part, you know, alot of people are afraid about alot of things but that doesn’t stop them from dealing with life, and this being “afraid” is a very poor excuse. Is that what she is supposed to tell her child later in life if he decides to never be her/his father. So not sure I am willing to give him that one, sorry it just isn’t a good enough reason to turn your back on your child or your family.

What makes all this so difficult is the uncertanity that my daughter is going to face in the future because of her ex N’s unpredictable nature. He could do this or he could do that, it is very hard to plan a future not knowing what he may or may not do. And after they separated he told her he did not want to come back to her because he didn’t want to mess anything up of where he was now. Not sure what to make of that one.

He has told her once that he would not fight her for visitation for the child because he did not want to waste money on that. Not sure what to think at this point, she is 4 months along now and she has not heard one thing from him about their divorce, or their child.

I will never understand how anyone can do just walk away without giving their own child a second thought. But women carry these children in our bodies and I guess we connect with them on a different level.

#4

yes…mine were afraid of women,responsibiliy…basically of their own shadow!
Your daughter is best just"going with the flow"here for now,thinking of herself and her child…after all perhaps his"ego"will be boosted by the thought of a new baby,if he gets to see it of course.
let him get over the"shock"that he is now a"grown up"…lol
Beat wishes

#5

Dear ConnedAgain,

I guess we can NEVER understand how their minds function because we cannot think/act like them. I guess the total lack of empathy is pretty hard to digest.
But as spiralupwards mentioned that N’s run away from responsibility. So, that can be one explanation. But it’s certainly impossible to tell what goes on in their brains and why.

Love.

#6

Even though I don’t agree with running away from your responsiblities, I do understand what you are telling me.

What is hard to get a grasp on is this, why would he marry a woman with 2 children already if he had no intention of staying married to her and having children? That makes no logical sense at all.

Did he think he would not be responsible for her and the children on any level? None of this makes any sense.

Another thing she is having trouble dealing with is explaining this to anyone? it is bizarre, no matter how you look at it, but trying to explain it is even harder because it is so crazy. How is anyone else suppose to understand something we don’t and we lived it. She will at some point move on, but she will have to explain this some how, any ideas.

I mean other people will not understand how you can be married to someone that doesn’t want children, when you had children already? it sounds weird to me and we as a family are trying to deal with what mess he left behind. and yes it makes me very angry that he could mess with my daughter and her childrens lives this way without any regard to them at all. I guess I will never understand someone so selfish and cruel.

#7

simply…this child is part of HIM…a reflection of him…the other children where someone elses(rare for these man to accept because of their ego granted)BUT he is running away from responsibility…and his own inadequacies as a father.
After all…Ns arwe Ns because of their childhood stuff?so how can anyone who probably hasnt been loved as a child himself give love(he doesnt have to"love"the kids that are not his?
…im sure they know that the kids will test their grandiosity…lol
I hope this helps to understand x