Confront or just leave

Narcissistic personality disorder
#21

No councelor could have said any of this with such eloquence and clarity.If we could only print this page.Do you ladies realize how far you have come?"
I read these postings and see such love and compassion being exhibited.But the dept of knowledge and healing that has taken place is astounding.We need to read,read and re-read what Doubledee,Bup,SMG,Maryb2100 and Angiezee said.Oh how we long to feel free knowing that we could not get from an N what they did not have,to give.Thet just cannot!!!Has anyone gotten to a place where they just feel plain old sorry for them?

#22

healed1 - You are so right - everyone on this board has a story, a message and an inspiration to share. I shudder to think of how many (100s, 1000s, millions?) of people are dealing with Narcissists, having NO clue of this disorder and who will never find the answer to what’s wrong with their relationships. I thank God for my friend finding the term and leading me here (among other sites - starting with Sam’s) - I might still be scratching my head and wondering what the heck is so wrong with me that our relationship is so bad! I agree wholeheartedly that we must at least try to call public attention to this disorder - Oprah - news - whatever! I think we have a duty to share what we know if we can…

And, as far as feeling sorry for them? I do, on some level - from what little I know, I don’t believe for a second that it was under their control whether or not to develop into a N. It does bother me to think about the extreme “abuse” or dysfunction he must have suffered early on - I have compassion. I have often looked at him and can almost “see” the hurt little boy still there and it is heartbreaking. And, so, understanding that - I don’t blame, I don’t harbor evil thoughts and I don’t wish him ill. I suspect that he will never truly be happy as we know it. But, that being said - I also don’t condone his behavior, nor will I allow him to harm me with it. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix him and all the other Ns - but I can’t. I have accepted that and THAT has allowed me the peace to move on.

#23

I am too looking back at our conversation… A pinnacle one. I have
no feelings of voicelessness anymore. I won’t go back to that
place. And I agree there are many, CLUELESS. AS I was in June of
2007. Just by the word “NARCISSIST” used in therapy. It all
unravelled to me. And now with OJ in the news, it is TOTALLY CLEAR
in my mind that this is a MAJOR disorder in our society, and in the
world.
On Sep 18, 2007, at 8:57 PM, angiezee wrote:

#24

In an issue of O Magazine,i do not remember which one,there was an article on Love Thieves.It was about the Astronaut who was arrested when she drove for miles,in diappers,attempting to murder the new girlfriend of her former bf who was also an astronaut.As she described her relationship,i thought about NPD;but that word was never mentionedin the article.Also featured in that story was,the beautiful Columbian dentist who drove her mercedes benz over her cheating husband and killed him,after having followed him as he attempted to meet his mistress at the hotel where he and his wife had been married.She said that he would compare her body parts with that of his mistress.There was also the story of the very well respected private school teacher who murdered her bf;the legendary Scarsdale doctor(he wrote the best selling book on dieting that was as big as the Atkins diet book,only his was written in the seventies)All of these stories were reported under the headline Love Thieves.These women were all victims of NPD.So Oprah already has a lead on this,only it needs a new name.

#25

In essence,a Narcissist is a Love Thief.

#26

wow, i agree. every single one of you has made such an impact on me! I already read and knew all this stuff from things I have read but hearing it from people who have lived it too makes it so much more managable. I wish you all the best and I love that you all are so amazing and have such deep hearts for sharing your time, advice, stories.

i do feel sorry for them. I do feel bad. They did not ask for this and it seems like such a shame that a family can ruin a person for life and make them a defective incurable person. that is sad and it is a shame and it needs to end.

i have a hard time with this becasue my mother and her siblings all had issues with alocholic parents but they all worked and have overcome a lot of their issues, so why can’t an N?

It is not a genetic disorder, it was inficted upon them. right?

so sad.

i am sick to my stomach that the world is filled with N’s hurting so many women out there and killing them. emotionally and physically.

What else can we do to stop this?

I know Oprah is great, but what else can be done?

This has got to stop.

I would do anything, start an ad campaing, call news stations, oprah… anything… or is this just a lost cause and I am in so much pain that I am still hoping?

I don’t know and I am just rambling.

There are so many amazing people on this careplace and so many people have reached out to me and listened to my venting and hurt and pain. And have not only empathied but have taken the time to write thought out detailed thoughts, stories and advice and insight.

thank you!!! Thank you to all of you. At some point, I want to write you all and I will. I just am overhwhelmed and need time to process and work too. I can barely get stuff done and everything is going in slow motion.

i feel very lucky right now.

#27

Don`t get me wrong.I am not saying this to be mean,especially since they had no control over their childhoods and their survival mechanisms theirin.But think about this.A person wants,takes,makes promises,even demands,playing with a human beings emotions and giving nothing in return.It is like constantly expecting to withdraw from our emotional bank accounts without making any deposits.

#28

I know. you are right. and it is not fair!

it sucks for them and is very very sad.

but it sucks they did not ask for this and now they are messed up for life!?!?!?

i want to go and beat my N’s mother. I don’t like her. Only met her once. His sister is a big B too!

No wonder he hates women.

they are not good women and now they ruined him.

how can i ever accept that someone messed up their child and ruined them and hurt society and ruined other people’s lives becasue of their own issues? so not right.

#29

Hopetoday!!! “Listen” to what you just said - “I feel very lucky right now” - that’s huge!!! What a difference a few days have made!! Can you imagine yourself saying that just yesterday or the day before? You’ve already made progress by leaps and bounds. Congratulations! You’re gonna be just fine!!

#30

I’m not so sure that Narcissism can’t be genetic too. I totally agree that a bad childhood can be the cause. I’ve noticed, in my daughter, traits of her father who’s an N. She has a hard time with empathy herself and she’s 9. I began to notice this a couple of years ago. I have basically been the one that has raised her up to this point, not her dad.

#31

Mqcq,
We have to speak positive words over our lives and our childrens.Your daughter is healthy.You have to claim it and believe it.You can work with her and get her excellent councilling.She is still very young.I called myself Healed1 because i am believing God for complete healing.We here are no longer victims,we are victors.We have the victory,all things are possible.We win!!!

#32

I would never give up on my daughter or son. I’ve fought a tremendous battle for them so far and will continue to do so. Prior to this past spring when we went to court to fight over custody, I did everything I knew to save them from spending more time with their N dad. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I became angry with God because I didn’t understand how I was supposedly doing everything right but things were turning out so wrong for my children. Everything I did to protect them ran up against a brick wall. I knew that God loved my children more than I did which is hard to imagine. I started reading a book that changed my life forever by Dr. James Dobson. I suddenly realized that I was trying to take on this monumental task on my own, my way, in my own time. I finally decided that God knew what was best, He had a plan for not only my life, but my children’s lives and things would work out for us on His time frame. He was going to take care of us. I “let go and let God” as someone else posted. A funny thing happened. I’ve never had such an incredible peace. I’ve seen so many answered prayers. I may not understand the whys, and whens right now but I know that in the end, it will be God’s will. I know this can apply to those who are trying to heal from the abusive relationships from their N’s. You can find incredible peace in the midst of turmoil.

#33

I defo feel sorry for them…its a real sadness to be this way whatever causes it.

OK they have a NPD they cant help that but its not an illness they still make choices etc it cant all just be blamed on having a NPD or tendancies towards one. I think a lot of the problem is just total lack of thought before doing anything…not thinking how things will affect anyone but themself…

Out of interst it seems childhood is often a factor in shaping these people BUT there must be something else…my friend defo has problems of some sort but his brother is fine, ok his brother isnt gay but otherwise they must have shared a fairly similar childhood?

#34

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal56.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal68.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

ABUSE in RELATIONSHIPS RESOURCES

ARTICLES

What is Abuse? The various faces of abusive behavior and coping methods.

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse.html

Spousal and Domestic Abuse advice

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

Abusive Relationships Newsletter Archive

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/narcissisticabuse

“Traumatic Bonding” and the Psychology of Torture

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/torturepsychology.html

The cultural and social dimensions of traumas - Traumas as Social
Interactions:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/trauma.html

The narcissist and his family - The malignant narcissist abuses his family

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq22.html

The narcissist in the workplace - abuse and bullying in corporate settings

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq81.html

Articles about verbal, emotional, and spousal abuse, domestic violence, and
workplace bullying

http://www.suite101.com/bulletin.cfm/9128/12848

WEB SITES and COMMUNITIES

Domestic Violence FAQs

http://www.suite101.com/topic_page.cfm/6514/2051

FAQs regarding abusive relationships and the psychodynamics of abusers.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd

Discussions, journal entries and links regarding the Narcissistic
Personality Disorder and relationships with abusive narcissists.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse

http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/verbal_emotional_abuse

Discussions, journal entries and links regarding verbal and emotional abuse
in relationships.

Spousal Abuse and Domestic Violence

http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/spousal_domestic_abuse

Discussions, journal entries and links regarding domestic violence and
spousal abuse.

Open Site Family Violence

http://open-site.org/Society/Issues/Violence_and_Abuse/Family_Violence/

Abusive Relationships FAQs

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/indexqa.html

FAQs, articles, chat transcripts and resources regarding relationships with
abusers

More Abusive Relationships FAQs

http://www.faqfarm.com/Love/Abusive/

Corporate Narcissism

http://www.suite101.com/bulletin.cfm/6514/10621 (New York Times)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/corporatenarcissism.html (United Press
International)

http://www.nypress.com/16/7/news&columns/feature.cfm (New York Press)

CHAT TRANSCRIPTS and INTERVIEWS

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Personality_Disorders/Site/Transcripts/narcissism.htm

http://healthyplace.com/communities/personality_disorders/site/Transcripts/abusive_narcissists.htm

http://healthyplace.com/Communities/personality_disorders/site/Transcripts/narcissism_workplace.htm

http://www.mental-health-today.com/narcissistic/transcripts.htm

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/71/81306.htm

http://www.healthyplace.com/Radio/archives/audio_narcissism_02-10-12.htm

http://www.natterbox.com/vaknin/vaknin1.html

Mirror, Mirror … (Toronto Sun)

http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/TorontoSun/Lifestyle/2004/08/30/608650.html

The Infinite Mind Radio Show - Narcissism

http://www.lcmedia.com/mind290.htm

Listen to “Psychopaths in Suits” on Australia’s ABC Radio

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/mod/bbing_18072004_2856.ram

Or read the transcript here:

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/stories/s1158704.htm

Thank you again and take care.

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “healed1” npd-cpt5935@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2007 2:07 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] confront or just leave

#35

bumping real NPD related post

GD