Be selfish here…you have a lot on with the boys i bet…forget about him and think of yourself…and your baby.
One thing worries My boys were crushed when he left. My boys have two different type of Autism. So took them a long time to understand he wasn’t coming back. But Now They Understand. they are so excited about the baby coming. They play daddy all the time… Thing are back to normal. Then he calls.
and causes …waves…attention i wonder…?
Huh? Not sure what you mean can you please explain?
Protect your boys, you don’t need to tell them he called. Protect yourself. If things are getting back to normal protect that space with everything you’ve got. You deserve peace, your boys deserve peace. They and you have enough to deal with. I have two autistic nephews. It’s not easy.
Spiral means that narcissists like to shake things up. Cause arguments and generally piss people off. They like attention.
I agree with everything Dee said. I would add, be polite, calm and rational about it. Drives them nuts. Keeps you safer. Makes you look good.
Here’s one that will drive him nuts if he admits he said the baby was dead to him. “Either the baby is dead to you or you need to step up with some support. What’s it going to be? The choice is yours to make. You tell me.” And proceed from there.
It’s only a suggestion. I don’t know all the particulars. So take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m rooting for the good guy here.
Unfortnately I was anything but calm. I was so mad that he would demanded me to anything when he has done nothing. I tried to stay calm but Hormones got the best of me…But after today I don’t plan to answer anymore of his calls. If he keep bugging…I will change my cell phone number.
Thanks DD had to go offline…yes…thats what i did mean…attentin seekers…sounds like mummys getting him to:“shake things up”?
Probably so. She was his N coach. From what I have been told He is this way, His mom is that way, and His Grandma was that way.
Apparently Family Tradition.
to hell withthe family tradition…its your baby…and its your call and its your LIFE.
Dear AutieMomma05,
Welcome to the forum. ‘WHAT THE HELL?!’ Is a very apt reaction to all the crazy things N’s do/donot do.
I can imagine the level of frustration you must be going through right now. I remember, there were days/time when I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs! Seriously!
I am no expert on N’s, but they usually like to 're-visit the ‘scene of crime’ after they have abandoned you. I have no idea WHY he was inquiring about the gender of the baby. Maybe it was his way of making small talk. Maybe he wanted to see if you were even talking to him or not, Who Knows! What this person has done to you and your two boys is totally UNACCEPTABLE. N or not, this is not done, sweetie.
You seem like a strong person and if you think going no contact would be best for you the you should do it. I remember I changed my number, e-mail address too.
Just do what is best for you and your kids. I haven’t even met this guy and I can actually FEEL his craziness.
Stay strong!
Love,
Nancy
Yeah Nancy, you are right on the mark about re-visiting the scene of the crime. I hadn’t thought about that until you mentioned it. Thanks. And I also feel the crazy about this guy.
he is a scared child…like an"expectant teenager"i dont think that"his reality’can handle the reality of being a father…with responsibility for someone other than himself…becoming a father signifies maturity after all…or should do…and a new baby is a competitor for attention and far cuter than an N
also…the baby is possibly a way of pleasing his mother…?and he could probably NEVER please her…part of why hes like he is…i bet
Please only worry about yourself…worry never changed anything !what will be will be.