Hi, all…
I thought I’d add that for me it’s the ongoing frustration and feeling like there’s no one else to even consult with or anything else left to try that gets to me the most. Pile that on top of many, ongoing losses due to this illness, and it does make it hard to deal with at times. I know that depression is common with any chronic illness, but I really find that keeping positive and laughing daily really helps incredibly-- I always refuse to ever give up, no matter what. I don’t get depressed, but I credit that to being very open with my feelings: both the happy and smiley ones as well as the sad tears and pain. I don’t hide from them or sharing them-- it saves me… really. I thought I’d copy a “Health Blog” article that’s now on my website in the archives… Hope it might help!
Love and hugs…
Lisa
“THERE ARE ALWAYS OPTIONS”
Suicidality & Depression
in Pancreatic Disease
© Lisa Bard, MSW, DAPA
October 1, 2007
www.lisabard.com
Although the pancreas is often called “the hidden organ" (because it is located deep inside the abdomen behind the stomach and is hard to visualize), it’s difficult to hide the all-encompassing feelings that often go along with pancreatic disease, whether acute, chronic or cancerous.
While the pancreas is only 6-8 inches long in an average adult, this relatively small organ can reek havoc on daily life and functioning of those who have developed one of it’s many diseases. Whether you find yourself facing acute pancreatitis, chronic pancreatitis, diabetes, or even pancreatic cancer, there is no easy solution and just managing day to day may be more than most people can handle. The physical pain that accompanies pancreatitis and pancreatic attacks or flares, the limitations on food options, the supplemental medications that are often required, the plethora of medical appointments and tests and procedures deemed “necessary" these all can lead to a feeling of isolation, helplessness, hopelessness, and in some cases, feelings of wanting it all to end so badly that suicide begins to seem like just another treatment option.
There’s no question that pancreatic disease comes with many challenges, most of which exceed any you’ve faced before¦ and likely go beyond that which your physician can truly understand and be empathetic to. One of the first steps to take when you’ve been diagnosed with a pancreatic disease is to seek out support. And this support can be through understanding and accepting family, friends, and co-workers, or can be an outside support group in your community or through a local hospital or you can go online to resources such as CarePlace (www.careplace.com) where you can find ongoing support, information, and have the opportunity to connect with other caring people who are suffering from the same symptoms and feelings you are likely experiencing.
Your doctor, whether a general practitioner or a GI (gastrointestinal specialist) may start out seeming understanding and helpful, but over time your knowledge and personal experiences will frequently exceed that of your physicians. While it’s easy to just give up entirely or consider switching providers (getting second or third opinions is never a bad idea), you may want to take the time to educate your current practitioner and take whatever steps seem necessary to advocate for yourself as your treatment continues.
It’s not unusual to run into doctors or nurses (whether in an office setting, during an inpatient stay, or at and emergency room) who may question your knowledge and label you as someone looking for medical attention unnecessarily, assert that you may be “drug seeking" when you’re in horrible, unbearable pain and are looking for nothing more than an appropriate medicinal intervention, or who disbelieve your confirmed disease entirely based on the vocabulary you’ve acquired over time or that you’re not acting like they expect you would if you were really in that much pain or having a pancreatic flare. This is often the most frustrating of the interactions you may encounter, leaving you feeling even more helpless: If the medical community doesn’t believe you or won’t do more to help you feel or get better, who will?
Again, you have to learn to be your own best advocate (it’s always a good idea to have a close friend or family member also advocate for you in case you’re admitted or aren’t in a good position to be persistent in your requests or getting your needs met). This can be extremely difficult when you’re not feeling well, let alone when your pain is over on that infamous “1-10” pain scale. Even in these most challenging times, and even when you don’t think you can take it one more minutes. This is the time you need to dig down the deepest and find something, material or metaphorical, to hang onto. Seek out a counselor or therapist to have a neutral ear so you can honestly state just how horrible you feel and how badly you want the disease to end. Or find an object that can hold some positive symbolism and that you can have with you as you travel this often rocky, unpaved road ahead.
In surveying a number of patients currently diagnosed with a pancreatic disease, most admit to having felt depressed at some point in the course of their illness, if not most of the time. Of those surveyed from around the United States and across all adult age groups, most have also felt suicidal or had some thoughts of committing suicide during the course of their disease and some retain intact plans “just in case".
So while depression and suicidal feelings are normal feeling to have when faced with a chronic, painful, or disabling disease there are alternatives that need to be considered and implemented so that as a person with a pancreatic disease, you can continue to have a fulfilling life despite your diagnosis and it’s symptoms, and don’t have to look at it as an “end," but as an opportunity.
Although most of the time it won’t seem like a viable possibility, remaining positive despite such a challenging illness is, indeed, a real option. It’s a choice; and while a very difficult one most of the time¦ it’s still a choice. You have the ability and right to choose to begin and end each day with a smile or a laugh even when you might be spending much of your time in tears and despair. Find that funny spot and don’t be afraid to laugh until the painful tears become happy ones. Find something, regardless of how small or seemingly insignificant in each day to see as an opportunity or a positive moment in that day. Take each day a moment at a time if needed, and focus not on what’s wrong like your pain or lack of a cure but on something good or beautiful or fulfilling. If you dig deep enough, you’ll find what that may be for you and use it as your daily focus point for positive energy.
While illness can be extremely draining, save some of your time and energy for those moments of hope those moments of support and begin to focus on what you “can" do, not what your limitations have become. Start a list of those things that touch your daily life that drain your energy, as well as those that provide you energy. Over time you will be able to spend more of your conscious time in that space that supports you and allows you to refocus your energy-grabbers into energy-givers. It’s there: You just have to be dedicated to finding it and not remaining determined that you “can" do what you choose to and that staying depressed and even maintaining suicidal plans are not beneficial to your healing, living, or life. Begin to enjoy every moment you can and start a new way of seeing pancreatic disease. You’re way! Don’t let anyone, doctors or medical providers included, tell you there’s nothing that can be done. You get to decide that.
Please note that www.suicide.org provides a wide variety of crisis resources and numbers (put your curser over this web address to get their directly).
Suicidal? Need Help Now?
Call 911
or
1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)
or
1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)
or
Text Telephone:
1-800-799-4TTY
(1-800-799-4889)
If you’d like suicide resources by state this website should be helpful: www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html
Note: You’re all so great… Hang in there no matter what, and remember that feelings are ALL okay, no matter which ones they are or how uncomfortable they can be. PS-- For a few of you who mentioned meds you’re on… I had subspecialized in psychopharmacology after my MSW degree: Some of the posts have seretonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI’s-- antidepressants) or other antidepressant classes such as tricyclics with Benzodiazapenes (a class of meds often used to treat anxiety, but have other medical uses as well). Please, no matter what you might be taking or what you might read here or elsewhere, please, please don’t make any changes to these meds without your doctor’s knowledge and advice. Some abrupt changes can result in dangerous or even fatal outcomes-- such as static seizures. As was mentioned, some of the antidepressant classes can help with either pain or sleep as well, and can be used for this even in the absence of depression. Please also note that by some of the comments I’ve read, a few of you might be having paradoxical (opposite) reactions-- like getting more depressed or anxious-- from the very meds prescribed to prevent or treat these conditions. Again, please talk with your doc-- and don’t go through all this alone… therapy usually helps meds to work their best.
More hugs to all–
Lisa
Anyway I again as well about the depression/anxiety, I think Zoloft is the same as Lorazapam/generic…