http://healnpd.org/newa/modules/articles/article.php?id=57
It is widely accepted in the psychological community that a person suffering from NPD does have a conscience and the ability to express genuine remorse and regret. This is one of the significant obvious differences between NPD and what professionals classify as Antisocial-Psychopath. If we allow ourselves to look beyond the book and examine other behavior Mr. Vaknin has displayed in his work the concern regarding the accuracy of his self-diagnosis becomes dramatically magnified.
Sam lives a nomad lifestyle which he describes in the interview with Bob Goodman. Mr. Goodman asks, “I understand you’re something of a nomad now, hopping from country to country and job to job. Do you ever long for a more settled existence?” Sam replies, "Never. You are describing a morgue, a cemetery. My life is colorful, adventurous, impossible, cinematic. Sure, I pay a price – who doesn’t? Is there no price to be for a sedentary, predictable, numbing existence? When one is 90 years old, all that is left is memories. You are the director of the movie of your life, a 70 years-long movie. Now, sit back and begin to watch: is it a boring film? Would you have watched it had it not been yours? If the answers are negative and positive, respectively, you succeeded to live well, regardless of the price you paid."
Mr. Vaknin’s nomad lifestyle is reflected in his ownership of several different support forums for “victims of narcissists”. After studying the archives on a variety of forums it seems that when Nr. Vaknin becomes bored with a group or if he feels they are threatening him by moving in a direction he is not comfortable than he ceases participation, sometimes starting a new group on another list. Many people have brought forward questions and concerns to me about the behavior on these support forums.
One of the major concerns is centered around Sam deleting posts on his support forums for no reason other than the author challenged his theories toward narcissism, often by suggesting that a person suffering from NPD can recover. It is clear that messages are deleted and people are banned based on the childish needs of Sam Vaknin. I regard these alleged support forums to be some of the unhealthiest such communities I have ever encountered, online or in the Real World. People are encouraged to worship Sam and his theories regarding Narcissism and are actively discouraged from critical thinking. Other concerns have been raised about the intent and behavior around these support forums but it would require a separate case study to examine everything which has taken place in the name of support from Narcissistic abuse.
What are some of the other motives which could lead Mr. Vaknin to engage in what I now firmly believe amounts to what is known as narcissistic acting out? Once again Sam offers insight to this question in an email exchange with Bob Goodman falling their interview. Sam was concerned about the status of the copyright of the article and wrote, “Regarding the copyright: I retain the copyright on everything I write - including responses to an interview. I hate Americans in general and their pusillanimous litigious minds in particular (as does most of the world) – so, do me a favor: take it or leave it and don’t waste my time with this any longer. Thank you, Sam”. It is a widely accepted fact that most of the study around NPD has centered around behavior here in the United States. Could it be that Sam saw an opportunity to lash out at Americans as a class of people, perhaps thinking that he is so smart that they will accept him as an authority. It is interesting that he likes America well enough to buy a degree from one of our diploma mills, and obtain a counseling certificate from one of our online schools, thereby obtaining credentials without doing the work required of others. I guess America has its better side, isn’t that right Mr. Vaknin?
In the interview with Bob Goodman the author makes it clear exactly how he feels about his own intelligence and authority on narcissism. Goodman asks, “I’m still curious, though, what your attitude is toward your “customers.” It’s clear you appreciate the attention from them, but do you consider them foolish for seeking advice from a narcissist such as yourself?” Mr. Vaknin replies, “I am by far the most intelligent person I know, so, the deep-seated belief that others are bumbling, ineffectual fools is a constant feature of my mental landscape. But seeking advice from a narcissist about narcissism doesn’t sound foolish to me – if the consumer applies judgement and his or her knowledge of narcissism and its distortions to the advice received.” I found this answer to be amusing as it a classic example of a person suffering from a severe personality disorder to greatly exaggerate their own intelligence and importance. It is even more interesting would viewed from the perspective that this work in my opinion confirms that the author has little or no understanding of narcissism and the various other psychological disorders which are related to the topics which he addresses.
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Mr. Vaknin’s reaction to the request for scientific information was largely predictable from someone suffering from an extreme personality disorder, and has made no progress or effort at healing. By his own admission Mr. Vaknin has a need for constant attention and adulation, it is becoming clear this may be equaled only by a fear of exposure of himself. Mr. Vaknin’s response to being exposed is a rage which covers a fear and anxiety about losing his special status. His response is a predictable primitive lashing out at those who are threatening not to only to expose his behavior, but his old wounds as well. There is much to be learned here in terms of asking critical questions and wondering why someone who has never addressed his own issues is trying to help others address painful issues in their lives.
It should be noted that malignant naricissim is well documented in professional psychological terms, and is commonly referred to as a sadistic psychopath rather than Narcissistic Personality Disorder. More information on this is available at Dr. Ramsland article on Psychopaths. As has been noted earlier in this essay Mr. Vaknin has incorrectly classified all levels of what he calls “Narcissisim” into one classification. An article addressing the continuum of narcissism can be found at Degrees of Narcissism. There is also a very interesting professional article by a psychologist in Australia who believes there are at least four different types of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and nine heads of narcissism. This article can be seen at Different degrees of NPD. I am amused that one of Mr. Vaknin’s devout supporters pointed out that in her words, “Sam loves this site and has put it on his Narcissistic Abuse list many times.” Interesting that he would put out material which goes against his basic point of view that all narcissists are the same. In my mind this reflects an inability to discern material and determine if they support your work.
I believe that those people who engage in critical thinking and ask the tough questions and demand answers from Sam Vaknin and all others, including myself, should be able to come to a clear understanding of what is NPD and what is invovled in healing. We do not need a guru of healing and I have no interest in serving in such a role. Mr. Vaknin has built his reputation as someone with an incurable disorder who has no access to his true self. His situation has been so helpless that he has not even made any noticeable effort at professional help. There is a certain irony, almost to the point of being comical, in watching Mr. Vaknin’s efforts to be a leader in healing this disorder. Amazing how he had no such interest until he was faced with exposure.
Many (most) people who are serious about information regarding healing are at a level well beyond where they turn to Sam Vaknin for guidance. Now that we understand that Sam is not talking about NPD and that he has no credentials or confirmed scientific research we need to let go of old patterns of thinking that have been established over the last several years. Together we can make our way along the long and often times painful journey toward healing. It is unfortunate that gross misrepresentation of professional credentials, unscientific material presented as scientific and other misinformation and games have been conducted in the name of understanding, and healing a disorder as serious as NPD. We can only hope that we now stand at the beginnig of a new era of working to truly understand and heal. IF your interested in such a journey we welcome you and look forward to what you have to share
Sam is sam and the book is an excellent reference. Lets not expect more from him than he’s able to give.