So, I may be in a little state of denial. I have been diagnosed from the biopsies, but my blood panel came back negative. My Dr. insists I stay GF, that the panel could very well be wrong since I had stopped eating around the time the blood was taken, but a small part of me is like “naw, they are wrong again with the diagnosis”. So I’ll test the waters and “sneak” a wheat or gluten product, even just a bite. Then I get HORRIBLY VIOLENTLY ill. However, not every product gives me the same reaction. Like I had some WF/GF toast that I had noticed some wheat bread crumbs had gotten on in the toaster, and I got incredibly nauseous. Then, I grabbed a couple pieces of pepperoni from a slice of pizza and within 5-10 minutes was throwing up everwhere and became very lethargic. And I grabbed one of my kids chicken nuggets and got such bad gut rot I thought I was gonna die. HAS ANYONE ELSE, OR IS ANYONE ELSE GOING THROUGH THIS? It’s like I really refuse to believe that this is what’s wrong with me, though all my symptoms over the last 8 years CLEARLY point to this. Why am I in such denial?
Having CD is a huge life change. This is not some fad diet to lose 20 pounds and then you can eat "normal" again, it is forever. In the beginning it makes you feel helpless and hopeless.
October will be one year since I was diagnosed and I am doing much better now. If I said that it still isn't hard to watch my husband eat a stuffed spinach pizza, I would be lying. However, when I think of how sick I will be for days, if I eat that pizza, then I no longer want it. Your family and friends have to support you too. In the beginning it was really hard, because they all kept saying "Oh, you can have a little..." Explain to them that if left untreated that you could end up even worse off then you are now. I want to have children and the threat of miscarriages, infertility and possible cancer was enough to shut up the people that were encouraging me to cheat. When I was diagnosed, I went through a really horrible bout of depression, which I have just recently come out of. I was seeing a Psychiatrist, who said that it is normal to be angry, basically this disease took your old life away from you. She compared what I was experienceing to the steps a person goes through when they are in mourning for a loved one. It sounds off the wall, but when you really think about you have to go through ceratin stages of mourning for your yummy food. I suggest you buy the book The Gluten-Free Bible by Jax Peters Lowell. It is wonderful book!!!! It covers everything related to CD, including the ten attitude adjustments. It has really helped me pull myself out of the depression and be more positive about CD. Once last thing, you need your own toater or toaster oven to avoid contamination from other types of food.
Don't worry, you are not alone!!! We have all been where you are... I am still struggling to keep myself in-line some days. It will get better, it just takes an adjustment period. Some people do fine in a few months others it takes a year or two. If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me email@example.com.