**Does anyone have this problem?**

Bipolar
#1

I don't know if it's me or if anyone else does this.  I seem to dwell on things, particularly things in the past I cannot change, and bad things that have happened throughout my 47 years of life.  My meds seem to help but not take it away.

Now that my brothers and I are grown and have raised our children, we seem to become more and more bitter toward our mother.  The older she gets the more guilty she is for not being a better mother and grandmother.  Everything is about her and always has been.  I guess because she is so alone now she has more time to think about it.

Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my mind for a while and get some rest.  Does anyone else think as much as I do?  Just over and over, the same things no matter what. 

 

#2

YES!  I have a psychotherapist but it doesn’t help it go away.  And it does no good to talk to my mom.  Like I said, it’s all about her.  She’s dealing with her own demons.  It’s never going to change.  I take Xanax when I get all panicky and want to relax a bit.  I was just wondering if it was just ME.

#3

That sounds like the 'nature of the beast' isnt it? I get that all the time... always have. But ive more than one 'problem' area: see my community list!!! Blame is unhealthy though, for both. You are soley responsible as an adult for your life, she got it wrong. Most folks do. If she did something VERY wrong then you must decide whether she should explain herself to you, and whether it would even help. May be talking to a counsellor will help vent some of those thoughts, and get some of the 'rubbish' we deal with daily in our busy little heads...out! Stewing does no1any good...i did it for ever it seems... it helps to 'disclose' .... TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE.

Your gp might help... diazepam helps me to chill a little?

#4

Nope you are not alone.. I dwell on a lot of things that are from the past ..My mom is one of the biggest things I have a problem with. Everyone as said I need to tell her how I feel but she has alzheimer's and its not going to do any good.

I just in the past few months found out my first serious b/f killed his self and I took it really hard and thats all I thought about for over a month and I made myself sick ...

One of the things I really need to work on is letting things go...Most of it is from my past and I can't change it any way...

So see you aren't alone!!!!!

#5

i dwell on things alot. the same things over and over. what my past was like how i grew up. my mind races all the time. i know what u go thru.

 

#6

Sorry if i seemed to not listen then, i was, i agree that doing as you say is indeed an unfortunate part of being bipolaR i think. I splent last few days thinking of y my mom wasnt home at the right times... or y my brother hung himself and never thought of us. I think so much of these things it hurts my head.

And so i try to ''BE REASONABLE'' as im told to be. It came out wrong before, sorry.

:-( shah

#7

That's okay, and I appreciate everyone's input on this.  Now I don't feel so bad. 

I'm shocked to see how many people on these forums have friends and family members who commit suicide.  That must be horrible for you.  My sis-in-law killed herself by drug overdose about 4 years ago and my brother hasn't been the same since.  He went off the deep end (which wasn't a long way to go already) and stayed messed up on drugs all this time!  His 16 year old son has practically disowned him because of his addictions.  Brother is now living at a VA hospital and going through their rehab program.  He'll be there at least 9 months.  We talked him into going there, and he's so hopeful for recovery.  He was thinking suicide!

I can never deep-down forgive my mom for our upbringing.  You can read My Story for more info on that.  I've been depressed over this issue all my life!  I so wanted to be in a normal family.  At times I just wish I could remove myself from them all.  I don't really see anyone much except my little brother and grandmother, which is enough for me.  If you know what I mean?

#8

Add me to the list. I'm a constant ruminator. And like so many others it revolves around dear old mom. I never really realized how much my mom contributes to my problems until the first time I was hospitalized and she had to meet with my therapist and me. Each time I would try to tell her how I felt or what I needed she would start pouting and turning everything on to her. She got so bad that my step dad had to tell her to shut up and listen to what I had to say.

As a result of my childhood I always swore my children would never suffer through what my sister and I did. On a positive note my parents taught me how not to be a parent and for that I thank them.