Hi, this is Kazbar. I know there are now answers, but I am feeling so alone, so down, unable to get out of bed and shower, well that’s impossible. Although I must do this before my partner gets home as I am a mess. Feels like I’m never going to get through this Bipolar, just keeps coming along and hitting me in the face and I’m completely over it. I’m up for a few days and then bang, here comes the man with the baseball bat to hit me across the head and leave me feeling lost and lonely. My meds have been reduced considerably, I only take Xanax now (which I abuse) and the slow release Stilnox at night to sleep, but I will need to find an alternative to stillnox as it is costing me $30 AUS every 10 days and being on the pension, this is just too much. Off to see Psych tomorrow, see what he has to offer. Also have been talking to him about some psychotherapy as I feel I need to sit and get some things out, and over, but he believes that I have been far to unwell to even begin this, 6 years later mind you. Maybe I’ll head off to a psycologist and see what they have for me, but it’s the cost that concerns me as there is no rebate. Sorry for being soooo negative, but I’m sad. Karen
Hi ,I know how you feel.My psychosis is really bad,the voices are getting me down,Every little thing is an effort.I cannot give in too much as i have my daughters to look after.Sorry to heatr about your meds,i sympathise.It costs me £28 british pounds every month,my psychiatrist has increased my Risperdal to 2mg daily .I can see it being increased even more with my symptoms being the way they are.
Hang in there,are there no support groups near you?
There are none near me,still this site keeps me going.
I hope you have better days soon.
A big hug to you.
Fionaxx
hiya kazbar know where your coming from, the nature of this illness is just hideous and can be back breaking, as ive posted the vunrabilty to which i can feel and the aloneness and sheer giant effort to breath is something to be hold ! ans my meds is lithum and my pyscharists did say did i want to have it increased so iam waiting for my blood tests to come back to see, iam bit forunate that it doesnt cost me a penny seeing my pyscharist because shes on the n.h.s but i have to wait, thanks fotr your message and keep messaging back never be alone - fizzy
Thanks for yor reply finn & Fizzy, what can I say, we all go through our own delima’s and it’s good to know that we have each other to get them out of our heads and onto this website. I do find it helps, I read of soooo many of you out there with bipolar or depression or psychosis or whatever and it remains a mystery to me why so many of us have these dreaded illnesses. As I said I off to see my psych today and hopefully he will have his listening ears on because I need some help and fast. He’ll probably put me back on my anti dep (Lexapro) which works but unfortunately takes away any sex drive I might have had. Side effects, over them, does one thing, stuffs up another but if I can get at least one smile on my dial then i’ll take as many as he wants me too. I do get somewhat tired of dealing with these issues with drugs, probably a stupid thing to say but I wish there were other ways instead of throwing pills down my throat. My heart goes out to you, keep up the fight, as I try to tell myself, talk soon, cheers kazbar
Kazbar,i hope all goes well for you,keep in touch.
…sorry for the double post. My computer isn’t working properly.
hope your ok kazbar take care - fizzy
Hi. Thanks for your message. Things have become quite hectic and I may not be able to read my mail as often as I’d like. I hope to be back soon.
Chuck
Hi kazbar68. I know what you are going through as i have gone through all the things you are going through.
For about 8 months last year I had no energy and I didn’t know what was happening in that regard. People kept telling me “You have to get some exercise and you will feel better.”
They didn’t understand that this bipolar disorder will do what I was going through. I don’t remember when it all changed and I felt so much better.
Anyway, kazbar; don’t worry too much. Tell your shrink about how you feel and maybe all you need is for your meds to be changed.
Take care man and try to look at the bright side of things.
Hi kazbar68. I know what you are going through as i have gone through all the things you are going through.
For about 8 months last year I had no energy and I didn’t know what was happening in that regard. People kept telling me “You have to get some exercise and you will feel better.”
They didn’t understand that this bipolar disorder will do what I was going through. I don’t remember when it all changed and I felt so much better.
Anyway, kazbar; don’t worry too much. Tell your shrink about how you feel and maybe all you need is for your meds to be changed.
Take care man and try to look at the bright side of things. Things will get better with the right meds.
Hi all
Sorry to hear about everybody’s ups and downs. I have had a bad start to the year with and unfair dismissal hearing then I had two car accidients in a short period (only very minor), but this has cost me more money. Then went on spending spree when I was high (manic) now back in debt again. Was overdrinking (alcohol) and overeating now more depressed as I just jumped onto the scales today to discover I have put on 20kgs in the last two year, so now I just feel fat, ulgy and frumpy. My mother does not help as she is unsupportive with my bipolar and tells me how fat I look (dont need to reminded as I know I have put on quiet a lot of weight). Looking at extreme dieting measures to loose the weight again so I can be happy with my body again. Think the unfair dismissal with my old employer has not helped and I am still fighting out some issues with them and keep hearing false claims by them through the legal processes. Sorry to be so glum i just wish things would start improving in my life. I have to remain positive so I can move forward and look forward to the future and not dwell on these obstabcles.
Cheers
Ellebay
Hi all of you,
I too have Bipolar, and thankfully for the time being, am able to work. My husb. is on disability, which does also help.( I am able to get my meds free since I go to a Native Amer. clinic. I f they had a pdoc out there, I could also go to him/her).
I have to admit, some days are a lot harder for me at work then other days; and then it is hard for me to go back to work the next day. I really would prefer less work right now, Going into the summers, sometimes is hard on me; as that is when my abuse was. But knowing I’m bipolar and have a tendency to make a mole hill into a mountain, and I’m impulsive, and easy for me to go off on a tangent, even with meds, does keep me restrained some what. I just get tired of having to keep myself under control all the time, sometimes it is a real struggle to keep my mouth shut when I think negative thoughts; and want to BITCH at anyone and anybody. The meds does help however. You know when I’m manic it is so different, I love everyone! Want to spend all the money I don’t have! and nothing seems to bring me down at that point. It is such a disappointment when I come down, and nothing was as good as it seemed when I was manic. Then the depressive side hits, and I want to curl up, take the phone off the hook, and talk to no one! (not even God if I could). (well I can talk to God through prayer, but at that point that makes absolutely no sense to me, why would he even listen to me since I am so awful; so worthless; and just not worth his time for him to listen to me, besides it’s always the same O’ same O’! Doesn’t seem to get any better for me, so why should he listen to the same thing all the time from me?). Sorry I got so carried away here. Any way, all of you with the depressive side, My heart goes out to you! Been there, done that, and still do, even with meds!
You who are manic, ENJOY while it lasts! We all know it doesn’t last long before we are feeling depressed again!
Love,
Bip
Hi all of you,
I too have Bipolar, and thankfully for the time being, am able to work. My husb. is on disability, which does also help.( I am able to get my meds free since I go to a Native Amer. clinic. I f they had a pdoc out there, I could also go to him/her).
I have to admit, some days are a lot harder for me at work then other days; and then it is hard for me to go back to work the next day. I really would prefer less work right now, Going into the summers, sometimes is hard on me; as that is when my abuse was. But knowing I’m bipolar and have a tendency to make a mole hill into a mountain, and I’m impulsive, and easy for me to go off on a tangent, even with meds, does keep me restrained some what. I just get tired of having to keep myself under control all the time, sometimes it is a real struggle to keep my mouth shut when I think negative thoughts; and want to BITCH at anyone and anybody. The meds does help however. You know when I’m manic it is so different, I love everyone! Want to spend all the money I don’t have! and nothing seems to bring me down at that point. It is such a disappointment when I come down, and nothing was as good as it seemed when I was manic. Then the depressive side hits, and I want to curl up, take the phone off the hook, and talk to no one! (not even God if I could). (well I can talk to God through prayer, but at that point that makes absolutely no sense to me, why would he even listen to me since I am so awful; so worthless; and just not worth his time for him to listen to me, besides it’s always the same O’ same O’! Doesn’t seem to get any better for me, so why should he listen to the same thing all the time from me?). Sorry I got so carried away here. Any way, all of you with the depressive side, My heart goes out to you! Been there, done that, and still do, even with meds!
You who are manic, ENJOY while it lasts! We all know it doesn’t last long before we are feeling depressed again!
Love,
Bip
kazbar68, I felt the same way as you over and over until my pdoc changed my meds and got the right cocktail: Lamictal, Prozac, Trazodone and Xanax as needed. I don’t really need the Xanax as much now because I feel so much better and able to get outside and do things and go places without freaking. The right medications have made a world of diffence in my life and can now enjoy it. I’ve been stabilized since January this year and have only very short spurts of anger and frustration (aggravated by my husband’s short temper and know-it-all attitude.
Ask your pdoc to adjust your meds until you are feeling good without the extreme cycling. Good luck.
Hi there, don’t be so hard on yourself I know is easier said then done
because I am myself but nobody is perfect and we can not help that we have
this illness. I’ve gone through hell and back for about 5 years. This past
year has been more stable finally but it was a long hard battle. My doctor
hasn’t even diagnosed me as having bipolar but I know I am when I was so
sick I had the racing thoughts, the up and down moods, severe agitation plus
I had numerous side effects from meds till they got me on the right ones.
Still I have the extreme impulsivity don’t think things through spend money
uncontrollably, etc. Is there any drug that can take that part
away…lol. It’s still a struggle for me but have more good days than
bad. I take zoloft, risperdal, and clonazepam. Seems to be a good mixture
for the most part. I was also having psychotic symptoms with my illness
which have gone away also it’s just my impulsive behaviour I have a hard
time dealing with and some depression and anxiety. Sorry to be going on so
long, but keep the faith. I know where your coming from!!! Take care.
Lisa
----- Original Message -----
From: “bip_moreorles” bipolar-cpt3320@lists.careplace.com
To: Bailey1ca@syd.eastlink.ca
Sent: Friday, May 25, 2007 7:58 PM
Subject: Re: [bipolar] Down & Out
Lisa,i can so relate to every word you wrote,i have yet to be diagnosed with Bp,but take 2mg Risperdal daily for the psychosis.I had my first manic episode in February.Every day is a struggle but we have to try and hang in there.
Take care.
know where your coming from lisa, up and down moods i had my diganoses last year but thats after years of anti-depressants, and before that self medication! its a thug of illness and sometimes i feel fabulous other two months wiping myself of the planet would be the best thing since sliced bread! i dont even know if iam making any sense at all the this present time but there you go- fizzy
Lisa,
It sounds to me like you have some bipolar symtoms, too. Has your pdoc ever wanted you to try lamictal or lithium or any other mood stabilizer?
Hi all, just to let you know that I will be off-line for a little while as I am going into psych hos today to sort out meds and head. Take Care to all, Kaza
Hi all, just to let you know that I will be off-line for a little while as I am going into psych hos today to sort out meds and head. Take Care to all, Kaza