My husband has AS. We’ve been married only 5 months. We didn’t know each other that long before our marriage and I didn’t know about the AS. Never heard of it and surely didn’t understand it. At this point I am lost. He goes days without barely speaking to me. Our intimate relationship has all but dwindled to nothing. He hybernates not just from me but his best friends. I feel I’m a burden to him. I love him and need advice. I’m felling like theres something wrong with me. And fighting depression. Please help.
I wish I could be of help, but my only experience is with AS children, not adults. My son’s therapist had recommended a couple of groups, Center for HUGS and Family Solutions Group, that provide family/couple/individual counseling and workshops. Here is their phone number (one is a division of the other) and websites: 949-770-4847, www.familysolutionsgroup.org and www.centerforhugs.org. I hope this helps!
Leeann
Dear Meshka,
I am a husband with AS and I have put my wife through similar things.
This is not your fault. Your husband may be trying to be a good husband to you but feel that every time he interacts with you he can’t stop from causing an argument. To prevent this he may be avoiding having contact with you so that he doesn’t hurt you. If your husband is food intolerant like I am this kind of logic may make sense to him. People with AS can think very strange things when they are having the wrong foods.
Your husband may be depressed because he feels that he can’t be the husband that he wants to be. It would explain his withdrawal from you. Antidepressants may be an option. If you can get your husband to your GP and get him talking to them maybe they can assess him for depression. Nothing wrong with medication for either of you. Marriage is a big change and it can be a trigger for depression.
Doesn’t mean that your husband should be excused for his behaviour. Just means that you are both going to have to talk together about this and try and figure out what his behaviour means. You may have to give him some hints on how to show he cares for you.
One thing that has really helped in improving our relationship is to change my diet. There is a well-established link between ASD and food and chemical intolerances.
Have a read of the information below and if you want any further information let me know.
This has really helped us to be happier. I’m not “cured” of my AS but I can manage the negative symptoms of it such as depression and withdrawal from others much better. I am also more patient and more able to read my wife’s moods and feelings. If I am having a food reaction after eating the wrong thing then I am absolutely hopeless as a husband and I have heaps of tantrums and cause arguments.
I hope it helps.
Regards
Kingfan
http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/factsheets/Factautism.htm
http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/factsheets/Factdairy.htm
http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/factsheets/Factdepression.htm
Hi Meshka, I think I understand what you might be going through at the
moment. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 8 years and could describe
something quite similar. he lives by himself in the country and I live
in the city about 2 hours away - I find it very hard to live with him
because I am quite social and talkative and he says he would be happy
not speaking again (very compatible as you see) - but on another level,
we are very suitable for each other because we have similar interests.
I suggest that you look closely at what the ‘glue’ is between you, and
perhaps confront your expectations and assumptions about what a good
marriage looks like. It seems to me that you are doing the right thing
trying to get support and learn more about his condition because I
think it is important to honestly face up to the situation you are in.
It can be very difficult to have a relationship with a person like
this, and you might need to assess whether your love for him is enough.
Sometimes I feel as if I am going mad, and also that there is something
wrong with me. What saves me sometimes is having good, deep friendships
with other people.
Maria
you need to understand that aspi’s often live in a world of ‘aversion’, things overwhelm them, fear of rejection in interaction with others is overwhelming, even with people closest to them…
cuddle quietly, reduce sensory input, reassure him, and say you will help him, and he needs to help too…
when in social situations tell him to ask you to explain anything he is curious or concerned about… make it fun, but i may take a while ti click for him.
go to a meditation group together, and meditate together daily, mornings are best before mental activity reves up. you will both begin to live in a world of solutions, rather than a world of problems. meditation is a method of training the mind, you will soon learn how to detach knee jerk emotions from situations, concepts, thoughts.
google:Insight Meditation groups are everywhere, Shamballa centers teach meditation. if you live in a bigger city you have a better chance… you can also check in your local http://www.craigslist.com and a local yoga center… Yoga is also a Wonderful thing to do also… i consider it essential if you want to have a health pain free elder life
Buddhist centers are the best source. http://www.buddhanet.net has a video and some audio instruction in their Buddhanet Audio section.
At this moment, I am in an angry state of mind. I missed out on a wonderful opportunity to visit New York because my job refused to let me go. As the result, I am still waiting for time off for my summer vacation. So far, I am not getting any days off. It is one excuse or another. I realized that the past couple of months that I have not heard from my family (with the exception of my dad, only he calls me rarely). I would not say that I am depressed, rather frustrated about this situation that I am in. I have a few things to drop off at my dad’s tomorrow. I know he would be at work, so I will not have to interact with him. I have not been official diagnosised with AS, but I do have a lot of characteristics of an Aspie.