I am only out of my relationship with an n for one week. Each day I feel more relieved that I am free of the severe emotional trauma I was living with every day. When will the flashbacks fade and go away? That is the hard part. That and the utter disbelief that I was so completely fooled by him…that I had been living with a monster who I thought loved me.
As each day passes, you will look back and even with more time going by you will realize just exactly how bad it truly was. It has been over two years since my separation and divorce from him and now in retrospect I realize even more how sick he really was and is.
You have to learn to disassociate yourself and concentrate on YOU. DETACHMENT is the word here. FOCUS on yourself and do things to make you happy…and be deserving of it. WE deserve to live a normal happy life full of peace and serenity. What kind of emotional trauma did he display??? If you could explain your situation further, I would be more than happy to listen and help if I could.
— lucky1
Lucky, I don’t know how long your relationship was, but it is not easy to move on. I put in 39 years before, I had a name for all that pain. I went back through it all and released so many painful events and memories , but I was finally able to make sense of it all. As uncomfortable as it is, I beleive it is part of the recovery. I was in pretty bad shape for about 6 months, off and on. Something on TV , something in the house, sometimes nothing you can see will trigger a memory or flash back of some of the things you endured. It is a very traumatic experience to live with a narcissists and there is so much sadness to face and deal with to begin your journey to healing. Some days I could make myself go out and do something so I would not spend all day sad and crying. Then there were days, I gave myself permission to grieve and cry for THE RELATIONSHIP THAT NEVER WAS, all your time and love meant nothing, you did nothing wrong, it was a personality disorder you knew nothing about, there was nothing you could or can do. Have patience with your self, flash backs are normal for what you went through. it is called post traumatic stress. If it persists, you might want to find a therapist. You are not alone, many others have been fooled, we all feel like you do, recovery is a process, not the same for every one, but you will have better days ahead. I posted in the forum about “recovery from living with a narcissist,” read that, I am here if you need to talk. Hugs mamolie
Mamolie,
I just read your “recovering from living with a narcissist” and it’s very good. You are very encouraging and have totally identified what it’s been like. The hardest part is facing that the relationship never was what I thought it was. It’s so strange. And he was so good at manipulating that I truly bought it for 6 years. He acted like he worshiped me and that he was the “perfect” man for me. It was all a lie. He has no real feelings about anything. He’s nothing but a robotic coward who sucked me dry of all of my love and emotional support. I had nothing left to give so he vanished into thin air, totally unexpectedly. He has found a new “source” and she can have him. It’s a blessing in disguise, I truly know that, but I am still reeling from the shock of it all. I worked so hard to “help” him, to “fix” him and I now see how ridiculous all of that pain and work was. I have now read all about NPD and knowledge is power, because I finally understand why he did the things he did. It was total manipulation and not love. He is a robot who is not capable of love, but I sure was fooled for over 6 years. This last year I wish I could have back. He tried to destroy me emotionally and he almost succeeded. I am feeling so much stronger without the vampire sucking the life out of me every day, but it still hurts. I know you know exactly what I am talking about! My therapist told me to thank God that he is now someone else’s problem and that is so true…I just can’t wait til the shock and the pain subside and I can look back at this and not feel the pain of all of the memories that were not even real. My therapist told me that my feelings were real, even if his weren’t, and I guess that’s why I hurt so much. I wish I was capable of just turning my feelings off like he did, but then I wouldn’t be human, so I really am the lucky one!!!
Thanks for your support and kind words.
MAMOLIE, I HAVE BEEN ABUSED FOR 39 YEARS. YESTERDAY WAS THE LAST
DAY. ONCE YOU PUT
YOUR FOOT DOWN AND ARE CONVINCED THAT YOU ARE THE STRONG ONE, AND YOU
KNOW YOU
ARE THE NICE ONE, THE ABUSER CAN’T PENETRATE. I COULD HAVE DRIVEN
OFF THE SIDE OF THE ROAD THAT DAY. I COULD HAVE DONE EXACTLY WHAT
THEY WANTED ME TO AND CAVED TO THEIR
WHIMS, BUT I DIDN’T. I STOMPED MY FOOT AND SAID “NO” I WON’T PUT UP
WITH THIS BEHAVIOR ANYMORE. THEY AREN’T SPEAKING TO ME, BUT THEY ARE
NOT ABUSING ME.
On Dec 17, 2007, at 1:26 PM, mamolie wrote:
This use to be about trying to help each other deal and recover from a distructive NPD, relationship and boy it is hard to recover from it, especially when you have no one who understands what it like. hugs mamolie