is there anyone on here who feels totally freed from their N?
hope, go back and read a post by gypsy, no more an N magnet in the forum,
it might help you a little. hugs mamolie
I am free but my life is different,my husband who was a N killed himself.It,s been in the last few months that I’ve been free.Do I still have him in my heart?yes.Do I still feel pain?yes.Does it control me?no.My peace comes from God and I know who I am in Him and I keep my focus on my future.My charactor is stronger because of my suffering and I believe some good will come out of all my shattered pieces.I don’t think I will ever allow myself to be abused again.That is not my destiny for myself or children.It has taken me months to get to this point in my life and I’m thankful that I’ve come through this with a sound mind.You can get through this,if I can you can.You need this time to heal-focus on yourself not him.You need to put your energy in healing you not fixing him.
This is an interesting question. Do I feel totally freed? No
But I do feel like a work in progress. I feel like I’m healing.
Regardless of what I’ve been through I have always been blessed. I have always had God’s favor. Sometimes out of fear we hold on to people who are not good for us. Friends, lovers and relatives, people who sap our energy and stress our nerves. We hold on when God was finished a long time ago. It’s not necessary to hate the people who hurt you. Life has a way of dealing with them and there’s no need for retribution. On the surface life my seem perfect for your abuser but deep down there’s self hatred and anger bubbling. The drama they create with you they will go on and create with others. There won’t be some special woman who comes along and delivers them from narcissim. He will give her the same treatment he gave you.
Hope,
Fortunately and unfortunately, my N’s are my brother and my father.
My brother, yes, I have come to
peace with his disorder. If and when, he steals and lies to me
again, I will not go off the deep end. I
have to watch him because he will never change, but for now I am at
peace. My dad, after watching the
WWII documentary last night, I feel more sorry for. His father was
gone for his formative years fighting
the Japanese (which looked HORRIFIC), his older brother shot himself,
his father was an abusive alcoholic, his mother was a Narcissist, his
other brother was handicapped, and his other brother
was a somantic narcissist. My mother died and I truly think this
sent him over the edge. For some reason, because I am the ghost of
of my mother ( and a reminder of her) he abuses me with strange
narcissistic abuse. It is a hard situtation to deal with. But I am
taking it day by day. I have been in therapy since May. Without it,
I don’t know where I would be.
On Oct 2, 2007, at 9:28 PM, hopetoday wrote:
You guys, I hear every word you say and I feel like I beleive it but I can’t stop crying and I can’t stop thinking about this and I am so angry that he is going about his life as if nothing is wrong. I just can’t handle this paid again… this is the worst pain I have ever felt and I want to die inside, I feel like he killed me and yes, I know I need to take care of myself and pick myself up for me but I just want to beat him up and undo what he has done to me even though in theory, I let him do it to me. why can’t i feel better, why don’t I see the end of my pain? I know this is pathetic and I feel i have to hide from my friends no one wants to hear that I am still depressed and sad and they are sick of it and have their own shit going on. i feel so alone and I just want him to hold me and say sorry.
Try that thing I told you EMTRIA.ORG. Find a doctor that will
perform it.
On Oct 3, 2007, at 4:32 PM, hopetoday wrote:
Hope, I wish he could hold you and say I’m sorry. I know this pain only too well. There’s nothing anyone can say or do to help you through this. You need to figure out what will make you feel better and don’t tell me it’s him coming back to you because that’s not realistic. What do you want from life? What do you need? There must be something else to live for, something you need to do for you. Because if their isn’t that’s a part of the problem. Nobody should be your everything.
Freed? Free from his control? - yes! Free from his presence completely? - no! But, it doesn’t matter because HE doesn’t matter to me anymore. He calls every few days, but I still haven’t seen him in 2 months! I honestly have NO idea why he continues to call because he doesn’t ask anything of me. In fact, if anyone can explain this to me, please do so… But, I just let him babble so I don’t have to worry about his rage and then go on with my life. I now go days without even thinking about him!!! I could not have imagined that a month ago - relief is in store for everyone here. Some will take longer to achieve this peace than others, but it WILL happen if you want it to.
Dear Hope,I understand your pain.I also felt just like you.The crying is part of the healing and at first you dont see anything but the pain.You see no way out -it’s a very dark place but let me give you some hope, grab our hands and we will all walk you through this .It starts minute by minute then day by day.You are feeling abandoned and rejected,used and abused.It’s a whirlwind of up and down emotions.Keep talking to us the more you talk the more you release the pain.For me-my most comfort came from reading the Bible it calmed my spirit,gave me a foundation to stand and healed my broken heart.Without sounding preachey-this was my light at the end of the tunnel and my way out.This will past.This was something that you experianced in your life but dont allow it to take your life.When you come through the storm you will be more complete and whole than you were before you met your ex.The charactor that is being formed in you because of this will be used for part of your destiny.You will touch many peoples lives and give them your hand and help them to put together the shattered pieces of their lives.You my dear have so much value and worth,you alone are priceless!Believe me and us when we tell you this.Speak out of your mouth words that are positive about yourself even if you dont feel it,there is power in your words.Keep saying I’m going to get through this,I’m loved ,I’m not alone ,I’m ganna make it.My future is ganna be better and brighter than my past.
There is a spirituality in this, isn’t there? I felt like my blossom
had folded, and my art had stopped. But
truly here ladies and gentleman (if there are any of you in these
conversations), open up your pedals and
shine your beauty. God didn’t put you on this planet to suffer SO
MUCH over someone that just CAN’T VALUE you. YOU HAVE TO VALUE
YOURSELF FIRST…DON’T LET HIM WIN! It took me 39 1/2 years to
figure
this out…ACT ON INTUITION AND FLY, NO MATTER HOW CRAZY HE THINKS
YOU ARE…DON’T GIVE
UP THE REAL YOU… FOR THIS PIECE OF *HIT… AND
THEN LIFE WILL START AGAIN…
On Oct 3, 2007, at 7:59 PM, maryb2100 wrote:
Dear Hope,
Thanks for your support you gave me today even when you felt your world falling apart. What you said was very meaningful and supportive and I want to thank you for that. Maybe together we can all get through this mess and come out smiling. They say after every storm there is a rainbow. You and I need to keep telling ourselves this. 
It will get better right?! I’ll keep my chin up so I ask you to please try to do the same.
Wrap yourself in a blanket of love. Just imagine it completely surrounding you and you can even smell the sweet sent of roses or wild flowers with you. This is very calming but you really have to relax and imagine that you can feel the energy of love around you within the blanket. It really does help, you might want to try it. I sometimes do that when I feel very alone. I cry, wrap myself in a blanket of love and then I feel better. You can draw strength from doing this. It’s not a cure but it does help get through some of the tougher times.
hope,
i feel your pain, we all do. you feel as if you just won’t survive another moment of life without him there. but… you will. go back and read some of your posts and the way he made you feel and ask yourself … do i really want that? i told my therapist that i thought i would just die because my ex did not love me… i told him that i kept thinking over and over in my head…“he does not love me, he does not love me” and each time i died all over again. my therapist looked at me and asked…“is this the kind of love you want?” he told me to think about my life with my ex… not to think about the good times but the times when he made me mad… not sad or hurt… but mad. (we internalize hurt and sadness, we own it, we make it our fault) but anger… that is something we throw at others… so anyway, answer the question… is this the love you have been waiting for? one that makes you doubt yourself, or hate what you look like, hate who you are? that is not love. hate him for that. he is a big fat N with a big fat bad attitude and he does not deserve to be with anyone that can FEEL as deeply as you can! don’t get sad… GET MAD AS HELL!!!
bumping real NPD related post
GD