One step forward - two steps back!!! I move on mentally - have a great date yesterday - haven’t heard from N in 11 days - hoping that I won’t, but fearing I would when he returned from California - but, with every day, becoming more hopeful - 11 days of NC - a record! - had never been more than 3 days - sitting at computer an hour ago, typing a thank you email to Kole (yesterday’s date) when my cell rings - guess who!? - I didn’t answer, but my stomack knotted up - damn! - here we go until he gives up - I am much, much stronger and know I won’t need to talk to him - just afraid of him getting mad because I won’t answer - terrible temper! - seen it before and was worried about him showing up at my work. Any suggestions? I DO NOT want to have to talk to him, but would it help diffuse the anger if I did? And, if I should, what should I tell him? D**n - really hoped it was done…
Be calm and wait to see how persisitant he is. Ignor all calls, see if he leaves any messages to get a feel if he is mad. I just remembered you had some concerns about his anger. Let us know what happens. Try to keep your self busy and calm for now. hugs mamolie
Mamolie! Thank you - once again, you are the rock - the first to reach out and help. That was a knee-jerk reaction that I experienced - just had to get it out - and I am better now. I can deal with anything IF I know what it is, and that’s been the biggest problem anyway. Even when we were at our best, I never really knew where I stood or what was next. I have taken a deep breath, slept a little, spoke with Kole, spoke with girlfriend and I am bracing for another attempt by him today. Mamolie - he has a habit of NOT leaving messages and I think it’s to keep control. I have often wished he would so I could gauge his mood. Still, I am hopeful that he will either do just that, or give up, if I continue to not answer. Unfortunately, I’m not banking on either. Thanks again!
It is hard learning not to care, to ignore, to refuse entry.
Mamolie, your still with yours, how do you interact with each other? I admire you but your suffering into a future, and i know how that feels. I am in a long phase of going nowhere and doing nothing - but i feel that this will pass, come time. And there is a future for me - terrifying as that is. Events in this journey have often made me feel - just for a moment - that maybe i would be safer now had i stayed - but its not true. My relationship with my children has suffered but i left for my kids, i knew i had to do what was right or how could they ever respect me in the long term. I have only ever tried to do the right thing, and in ending my sham of a marriage i did that, despite the pain and difficulties this has brought with it.
Angie - you had a great date and the prospect of more, bask in that loveliness and let your ex find someone else to rage at and ignore him. Call the police if he makes trouble. He has NO RIGHT. x
ahh bless you angiezee…I agree take some deep breaths n step back and look at the situation.
Of course you had a knee jerk reaction…it threw you off course and always these people really do get to us…
Be brave and be strong and stick to what you feel is right to do and defo get support from family and friends its good to know there normal people out there too !!
nickinstant…sometimes I think we do get to times when we feel were doing nothing. going nowhere etc maybe we need times where we walk along a plateau, as you say it WILL pass ,and of course youll have doubts about did you do the right thing its only natural with any big change. Keep strong and keep up the belief you DID do the right thing !
Well, he called 6 times today (so far) and I’ve resisted everytime. I don’t want to talk to him, but I can almost “feel” him getting more upset with each attempt. I will continue to not answer - thank you all for your support. It’s funny (okay, not really) how something this simple can throw us for a loop, isn’t it?
Ladies! HE went no contact yesterday!! Yeah for me!! It was a relief, but, I remain mindful of the term “the calm before the storm” - hopefully, not.
Have a great and blessed day!