I met my husband in April 2002. We became friends instantly. He could walk (with a cane) then, and drive and really still enjoy life. As we became closer friends and I studied MS online more and more, I knew then, and told him, I would be with him and help take care of him for the rest of his life. I knew him Already far better than he knew himself. A year later, we were married and he was in a wheelchair. Just a bit more than a year ago, he was in a nursing home and I cannot get past the guilt. I cry on the inside everyday;I cry on the ouside almost every day and Nobody knows why.

I broke my promise to him! 

MS has a habit for breaking things you never thought it could. It was not you. It is a disease bigger and stronger than the both of you. If he needs to have care you can not give, he is safer in a Nursing home.

The guilt is hard. Very hard.

My now ex husband could not handle my diagnosis and the effect that it had. It took a very rapid course at first and caused many problems. It is 3 years now post diagnosis and I’ve been chronically ill now since about 2001. I have been disabled since 2004 and only work part time. It has ruined future dating opportunities and even now I am unclear if the person I am dating can or wants to make things any more serious at a future date because of my illness. I have had other people seem to act very caring towards me and then act as though they cannot handle my issues, however slight they may be.

Many of us made promises to others based on thoughts we had about our health. Then it changed. I wish we all had answers. We can hope. We can have pride in ourselves. We can talk to others about our feelings and not ball them up in side. We can talk about our feelings of guilt, feelings of hope, our dreams, our desires. Keeping it inside is probably the worst thing we can do…but we all do it, don’t we?

knightshotter wrote: