We celebrated ours last month already. I had a lot to be thankful for this past year. The list was short but every item hard won, or an unexpected blessing. And I realized how much better I am (we all are in my family) than I was last Thanksgiving.
I’m hoping your lists are rich with good things too!
Its been a sad day for me today. Its raining here and it all just hit me how things were last year. But we are supposed to move forward right? I have a friend and my mother coming for Thanksgiving. All 3 of my children will be here. It probably won’t be the fanciest dinner but there will be peace and acceptance from the people I am with. I am thankful for the peace. I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank you Phoenoxxx
My life is not better and even more happened since last year. I was not sure I could even live through the holidays. Thanksgiving through Christmas seemed like an eternity of greif and overwhelming sadness. I just wanted to go to sleep till it was all over, but no, I was acutely aware of every second that ticked off the clock.Thanksgiving and Christmas day of trying to look or seem happy or ok so I didn't ruin it for everyone else, especially my grand neice, was pure hell and exhausting for me.
My own personal life was a disaster, didn't know about NPD when my sister died 3 years ago and she made me promise to help and look out for her family, especially her grandaughter, my grand neice.
Along the way,sister and I ended up cooking and catering to our husbands families, we visisted but did not eat dinners together for the holidays.Other days through out the years, just not Holdays. On my end I was beginning to dread the holidays cause of my H and son fighting all the time in that nightmare restaurant our money was tied up in.
So I lost my sister in August and now I feel responsible for her family, my BIL, my neice and my little grand neice, for the upcomming first holidays without her. I hate to say it but it felt like such an extra burden on my shoulders to carry along with my personal life problems.I also felt guilty and bad that I did not have those holiday dinners with my sister, now here I am with her family and not her.
My BIL is clueless about my life and he would never be able to understand if I even tried to tell him but I have come to know him more since she passed away. He now calls me once or twice a week to talk, he even shares housecleaning tips and what's on sale at the grocery store with me now. He was really lost without my sister, she was a stefford wife, it worked for them. He was not mean but controlling with money.
So here I am comming to terms with and accepting different, not the life and family I so wanted and hoped for, but letting go of that idea of family and making the best of WHAT I DO HAVE LEFT IN MY LIFE. I have always had my daughter but now I am seeing, feeling, accepting and appreciating them as my family now. I am accepting a different kind of family. They actually look forward to getting together. The trouble with the unknown, different, you don't know when you have arrived, you have nothing to base your feelings, perceptions or expectaions on so it can take awhile for it to sink in or dawn on you. I knew exactly what I wanted my own family to be like but have no idea what a different kind of family could look or feel like. I am a work in progress, will I ever be done working through it all, sure hope so, I feel a little closer to that goal now.
I have a crazy Jack Russel Terrorists that I worried about my neice being around but she has grown so much that it will be ok now. He looks like my avitar, but brown only around one eye, not both. I have been cleaning decorating and actually looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner . It has been snowing here, the fireplace is buring, the table is set and all the prep work is done, it feels warm, inviting and cozy in my house I am grateful for my sister's family and looking forward to dinner, instead of dreading and wishing it to be over. It is very lovely feeling for a change.I am so grateful to be feeling this way again.
Happy Thankksgiving to everyone and if your not feeling it don't give up, your situation may not change but you may change and mentally be in a better place next year, never give up on yourselves.
Hugs mamolie
I know I’ve told you this before but I love it when you post, especially about your home, and your cooking and your family coming, and now the fireplace too. You paint a lovely image, its easy for me to imagine and wish I could come knocking on your door with a bunch of flowers and pie 
I didnt realize you Yanks celebrate Thanksgiving on a Wed? or is it tomorrow? We always have ours as a long weekend.
I also smile reading about your BIL and how he calls you so often, reaches out and touches his wife through you Its lovely and sad and so beautiful. Your love must be very valuable to him, and his kids too.
I’m home from work today, not feeling well, reading the book SMG recommended and crying its so devestating…but it also helps me put my own experiences, as bad as they were, into a healthier perspective I think. I might start a thread about it later.
Mamolie, I love that youre our den mother, especially on days like this. And I havent even met you, or known you in any other capacity except here…I can only imagine how much others in your real life love your motherly presence in their lives.
I hope that love permeates your day, your meal, your time with those people whom you care about and for.
many hugs
sorry to hear you are not feeling too well today. Wondering????? since we both have run out of PATIENCE, do you think we could POSSIBLY run out of TEARS too, it has been such an added expense buying so many boxes of tissues the past few years.
Honestly I had some bad days I had to resort to bath towels to keep up with it so I didn't flood the house. I use to be embarrassed cause I cry at special moments, when I am touched by lovely things or ocassions that happen in life, even to and with strangers. My daughter is the same way, we don't apologize anymore, just state that we are criers.
It certainly tells us we are not like them, we feel deeply and can cry. Most of them can not and if they do, it is about their feelings not anything they did to hurt someone.
Patting you on the back and big hug, we know it is part of the journey to healing,I know I am not done crying yet about the sadness of it all, but I look forward to more days and times, celebrating tears of joy and happiness and I wish that for you and everyone else here.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow but the table was loveingly set this past Friday. The china, wine glasses and silverware has not been seen or used for 3 years, had to wash the dust off and polish the "faux" gold silverware and chargers for the plates to sit on. I should have been an event planner, I plan out everything, right down to every dish dish I need for all the sides and main coarse, maybe becasue there was so much chaos, uncertainty and unpleasant surpises with my H and son,all I could control was my end of it make sure that dinner went as planned and went smooth, anyways I could be an event planner from the experience now.
Thinking of you and hope you feel better and I will talk to you friday.
Hugs mamolie
I think your theory about tears might have something to it. All I know is I too used to cry all the time. For years I was crying everyday. That was when I was with my exN/S. I think I posted before my son says stuff like he’s happy that guys out of my life now because he doesnt see me cry everyday anymore. I feel bad he had to notice it at all.
When we broke up I oddly enough hardly cried at all…for months. In fact I think I counted 63 days straight no tears. But then when I learned about Nism and sociopathy the tears really came. Realizing the kind of thought processes that were really going on behind the scene made me realize how little I was actually cared for, that most of it was all a mirage.
These days I dont cry, but I dont feel pain of any sort either. Even physical pain registers but there is no suffering if that makes any sense. But what I HAVE noticed in talking about the last few traumas of my life in the EMDR sessions is, I am…whats the word… dismissive now.
“ugh this bullshit again? no thanks, already did that, can we go on to something else?”
I seem to be irritable and intolerant of… repetition… its more than just boredom with having to do something twice, or something similar twice…I think its about growth, “I did that hard work, I’m past that now, give me the next step, something new to conquer”.
I dont know, every step along the path brings something I didnt plan or could anticipate.
The last few days though I had a handful of times where people with their kindness and care have really busted my heart open wide…it slammed shut again…but I figure that might be the slow process of re-animating after having locked myself down.
we’ll see I guess
I dont know anything anymore, I just walk around with an open mind, listening, watching , learning, changing, growing.
People can be amazing in their cruelty…but others can knock my socks off with their care.
" could be an event planner from the experience"
O my hosmuch do I relate to this!!!
happy thnksgiving guys
we dont do it here so am not withthe beat , but have a great one
xxx
Nic
you have Guy Fawkes day coming up dont you?
or has that paassed already?
Did you celebrate?
Hows life these days?
its past. We just lob sparkly things into the sky! And here in the city the sky is banging for about a week - peeps letting off fireworks everywhere - more for menace than celebration!
I actually hate fireworks - my stbxh was a complete pyromaniac and loved fires and fireworks - so you know how that goes?! A bit like me and chinese food! I only just started to eat chinese again sometimes - he was fixated on it, and over the years is was like blah blah ANOTHER chinese take away! hahahaha - !
My sons birthday is close to halloween and we usually throw a party and it was all planned this year, and I had to cancel cuz I was so up to my neck in coursework for uni and stressing like a mad thing! It was a Friday too and usually all my friends kids in the village (my old village - where i still visit) used to congregate at my house cos it was central and we would have a glass of wine while the kids did their things round the doors - so this year - it being weekend was gon be grrreat - but never happened!!
Anyways - I was up there last weekend and just had the BEST time - caught up with so many peeps! As a consequence, I have been holed up all week trying to get back on top of everything!
So am slightly cabin fevered tonight - was supposed to meet a friend after her work but she was sick and did not make work or our evening - I got plans rest of weekend, but have an essay to finish tonight/tomorrow in order to feel i can relax and enjoy!!
Aye, so all is pretty good at camp nic! Am eating my way through a tub of chocolate cornflake mini bites, I totally love my dog - he and I are an item - best thing that could of happened to each other!! LOL he makes me laugh and he makes me walk and he loves me to bits - what more could a buddy ask for???
stbxh is excelling himself in mental mentalness and his lawyer has balls to her knees, mine don’t care two hoots, I am past caring that mine doesn’t care and that his is just as mental as him and that I am treated like scum - I just have to laugh - nothing else you can do!
IT WILL ALL COME GOOD IN THE WASH! That is the mantra of the moment thanks to a very dear friend reminding me of what a great mantra it is!
I’m good, thanks for asking. Life is an interesting minestroni - I guess there is balance somewhere, good and bad, that is the struggle. We talked about evil a while back, and it was an interesting question with interesting answers. I always believed the message in religion was good and bad - positive and negative - simple really! ISH!!!
You know, a few here are struggling with the beginnings of separation and the early stages of break ups and my heart goes out to you. it is a struggle and I know I have not been posting much but I have been reading, and I wanted to speak about something that came up recently that got me thinking.
A friends mum who I am close to lost her husband a while back. He died young. She coped really well, but you know, although he died, and she was heartbroken and lonely, there was nothing about him dying that made her feel bad about HERSELF. Sad, but not BAD. NPD does not afford any such dignity. We give ourselves over and they fuck us over right back. It does take a lot of getting over, particularly when they remain there to twist the knife over and over in any way they can. And they do.
You will get a dignified divorce as long as the N walks with everything. Otherwise expect the worse. Expect to be continually surprised as you were in your relationship. It still does not cease to amaze me how predictably unpredictable my stbxh of 18 years is, and will always be. ANY opportunity to wind me up, any opportunity to cause difficulties and misunderstanding and problems. I am gradually becoming immune. The last text I got about 3 weeks ago (he does not generally contact me) failed to wind me up, and that, I know drives him mad. He is LOOKING for reaction. But I also know things are not good in his new relationship. If I reacted to him, they would probably be great, as he would be getting what he needs from me.
But Ns are good VERY good at doing mental things things that beggar belief, things that have massive potential consequences. I am more than 3 years away and still he presses my buttons, he will continue to. But one day he will stop, and that is the day he will expect me to treat him like an old friend and wonder why I don’t! I can see it all, I can predict it all. It will be when he breaks up with his chic. Because he will be using me against her all the time and will be terrified of us becoming allies.
LOL, but we sooooo willl! Hahahahaha, I have walked in her shoes. She is daft, but so was I. He will punish her, and I will support her in her fight against him to retain custody of their child.
That’s about it for the noo!
xx