Hi Anne,
Oh how sad I was to hear your situation hadn’t improved. I understand about our sons…& Cache is so confused now that he is thinking about moving back to this area again! I’m hoping he will si I can spend some time with him…but I’ll have to stay at my friend’s until I figure something else out because I know living with cache wasn’t working for us either.
My friend is back & forth, too. I think she was happy when I first arrived, but now it feels as though she would like her place to herself as well. She lies around quite alot & I am not motivated to do anything much. I feel like her caretaker at times, although I wonder how I will go about taking care of myself.
We were to have a yard sale 3 weeks ago & she kept postponing it. I got frustrated last weekend & said I was going to take the things & donate them to the Goodwill. I had hoped to make money for at least one nice pair of sandals or a new pair of jeans. It didn’t happen & we came home with even more “junk” because she can’t go into a thrift store without bringing home more things. Her apartment has boxes stacked to the ceiling in the livingroom, her bedroom, & the room I’m in has a few, too. It’s making me claustrophobic!!!
Can’t complain too much because it seems that’s all I do!
I pray you’ll get out of your lease & into a new place soon that will be better for you!
Stay in touch! I’ll be back to the computer in 2 days!!
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori,
Sorry to hear your situation does not seem to be any better than mine. Is Cache still seeing Juls?
It sounds bad with so many boxes around you and I truly feel for you!
I am pleased that Andrew went back, he said a few times that he would stay because I needed support to get things sorted out. To be honest although I do need support I would have felt bad about him being ‘stuck’ with me.
I had a good talk with my friend last night and she has assured me she does not mind me being here. I still feel I am intruding though. My friend spends all her time on the computer and, I mean, all her time from getting up to going to bed. It is not my way of living but it is now 5 years since I had a ‘normal’ life I no longer know what normal means!
I bought a second hand car a few weeks ago and its already had to go in for repair for an oil leak, now its leaking again…seems everything I do goes wrong!
I will close now and hear from you in a few days. I am thinking about you and pray that we both see brighter days soon.
take care
love
Anne x
Hi Anne,
I decided to get out of the apartment & go to the library this morning. I am a homebody when it’s my own home, but I don’t like to sit around with someone else all day (that makes me feel lazy.)
Cache is still seeing Juls, but I’m not pleased with that since she was seeing someone else while living with us. I just don’t trust her not to break Cache’s heart time & time again. So I don’t say anything.
I’m sorry about your car, & I have had similar problems since I got mine. The latest problem is that the engine light stays on, it sometimes “chugs” as if it will die, & I know there is one heck of an electric problem so I can’t get the air conditioning fixed. I think I’ll need new tires soon, too.
I’m working on my dental problems at the same time as the car, & I hope to have them both fixed by the end of the month. Next month will be better because I should get my full benefits (nothing deducted for the month of May when I worked!)
No news…but I’ll try to check in & say hello every time I get to the library!)
Take care,
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori,
I went to have a look at a little cottage in a very nice area and thought I could not have it because it said no DSS (welfare benefits) on the advert. The estate agent rang me today and said the landlord will take DSS. I am all confused now! It is strictly no pets…so I could not take peanut and it is hard for parking round there so not sure where I would keep my car. I don’t know what to do…it needs decorating and I worry that I will decorate it and then the landlord will decide to sell. I don’t know what to do!!
Any suggestions? What a mess!
My idea was to just ‘move out’ of the other house…the rats are back and have been gnawing at the frame of the understairs cupboard! Plus, of course the house is totally damp. Andrew said I should just ‘move out’ and pay them no more money because they knew about these problems when they let me the house!
love
Anne x
Hi Anne,
Well…I think I’d move out of the house with the rats, too. You probably don’t want to be there, nor do you want your things left there. Is your lease almost up anyway?
The cotage in a good area sounds nice, even if decorating has to be done, it would give you something to do just for yourself. I wouldn’t worry about fixing it up & having it sold out from under you…but I’d speak with the landlord & have something in the lease agreement if you’re afraid of that happening.
I had my car fixed & I think I will drive to Denver tonight to spend time with Cache…maybe spend the night there. My friend is an old friend…& of course we don’t have alot in common anymore. I don’t want to live my life like she does…& I feel as if I’m just waiting things out with her. I don’t know what to do either but wait!
Check out the cottage some more & let me know how that goes!!! It actually sounds a bit exciting!
I’ll email again soon!
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori,
The cottage was no good very tatty on closer inspection so I am still looking. Things are not too good here at my friends…a few remarks overheard which I take to mean she wishes I was not here anymore. I am very down I am constantly looking for somewhere to live and nothing is coming up so I feel beat!
How are you doing at your friends? Heard anything about your low cost housing yet? Did Cache move back?
I don’t know what to write my friend all I want to do is lie down and not feel anything. I am still on my lithiun but only on 400mg and have to wait to see a pdoc before I get anymore.
I am really depressed and fed up of this life!
love
Anne x
Hi Anne,
Please try to cheer up a bit. I know the low dose lithium is almost pointless. I was on 600 mg & that did nothing for me either.
I’m sorrry about your cottage not working out. I seem to be facing similar problems. I’m at my friend’s & she doesn’t have a washer/dryer…so that means she wears the same clothes for a month before she does laundry & by then it’s an all day project. I feel pretty dirty living there, although I manage to go to the laundromat about once a week. It’s just not an ideal situation. I’ve given my friend money to help with her rent & when her air conditioner broke, & bought her a new one, saying…that will have to apply for my next month’s rent payment. (I know she will forget when that time comes around.) 2 of her 4 sons are in prison for drug related charges & her youngest, who’s room I’m staying in, is in & out all of the time…doing what his older brothers did. What’s wrong that I can’t find a living situation that is moral & at least a little bit clean?! Now I’ve been on the wait-list for 3 months. 9-21 more months to go. It may as well be an eternity.
Keep posting me, even if it’s just about the weather or you’re having a crappy day. I care about you & want you to be able to get back on track, as much as I hope that for myself!
Time’s up on the computer here at the library. More soon.
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori,
Sounds like it is not a very good situation for you at your friends.
I am still ‘down’ and trying hard to not slip any further. All I want is a place where I feel safe and secure…its 5 years since I last felt any security!
Sorry not much to report. Still looking for the ‘right’ home. I have not been down to my house for a week and hope I can get there tomorrow…its all such a mess and is mentally taking its toll on me!
I also pray that we both can ‘get back on track’.
love
Anne x
Hi Lori,
Went down to the house and paid some bills…it seems mad to be paying bills for a place I don’t even live in, but thats my life now. Crazy things seem to happen because I make the wrong decisions. I can’t see a way out of it at all. Today I feel ‘worn out’ and a mess and know if I was settled and secure I would get a nice hot bath and make myself a cup of tea and just ‘relax’…all I want is to be able to relax!
Hows things for you? I feel bad just moaning all the time but thats the way it is. It could be ‘self-pity’ but I feel I’m justified feeling sorry for myself after all thats happened!
Still not heard from the mental health team so have not seen a p doc so I remain on 400mg of lithium…it seems so pointless!
Oh Lori, I hope things start to improve for both of us like I said before we deserve some nice things after all the crap we have been through.
Hope to hear from you soon, take care
love
Annex
Hi Anne,
Every day seems to blend into another around here. I’m not hapy at my room-mate’s either, & she is very difficult to live with because she is a terrible complainer. I think she’s also angry at the world, or at least it seems that way. I try to get out of the house most days for one little errand or another. If not, I’m destined to lay in bed most of the day as she does.
It cooled off some today so it is far more comfortable, but I think in a couple of months it will be colder than my body can tolerate & I may head south for a few months. I remain on the housing wait-list & am getting very tired of doing not only my laundry, but several loads for my room-mate at the laundro-mat.
I feel like I’m just biding my time, although I don’t feel afraid to remain in my current environment…just depressed to be here.
Good luck with finding the next home! I pray that will be your “refuge” for sometime!
Take Care,
Love,
Lori
Hello Lori,
Sorry to hear your living situation is no better than mine! I also feel ‘dirty’ here and I know my standards have slipped!
I got a letter off a social housing association yesterday to say my name came up on the waiting list and I may get an house through them. The house is not really in the area I would like but they do have some accommodation for over 55’s in the area I would like…so it may be that I should go with that if I am offered the house…and think long-term.
I am undecided but think that renting off private landlords brings with it, its own set of problems! I will wait and see what happens!
I have an appointment with a p doc on the 7th August so hopefully my lithium will be increased and maybe that will help me…I am very down.
Will you really go south? I think you are very brave if you do. I don’t know why I stay in this town but not able to afford to go anywhere else.
Stay in touch Lori I think about you often and hope that soon we will both get a break!
love Anne x
Hi Anne,
I may have the best chance of getting into low income housing after a 6 month wait on one list (Oct.) based on disability. It would be more than I want to pay, but I would be on my own. I am just staying where I am for the moment because I don’t have the money to go elsewhere either.
The clutch cable went out on my car & I have to replace a coolant sensor soon. I had the clutch cable fixed, but the other will have to wait until I have the funds.
I have an appt. with the P doc on Thursday, but it’s just for a renewal on my anti-anxiety med. Then Next Tuesday I will have a crown put on that tooth that broke off in May. I waited at a health fair all day on the 18th to have my teeth cleaned & a chipped filling filed down. After the crown, I will be good for a year (I hope!)
I just had my car repaired yesterday & it’s been awhile since I was able to go to the laundro-mat, so today I will do that. Not much news.
Hope you’re able to get your own place soon!
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori,
Glad to hear you got your teeth sorted out…mine badly need cleaning (nictotine stains) but at the moment I feel so ‘down’ I can’t be bothered!
Nothing much is changing here just going an hour at a time. I was very distressed last Friday and my friend rang the GP he asked her to bring me in and he talked to me and tried to get me some psychiatric help. The crisis team were suppose to get in touch with me, but did not! The doctor did give me some diazepam so I took that and a couple of sleepers and went to bed!
I am still looking for somewhere to live and feeling quite defeated I have the money but no-where is coming up.
I am going to ring the housing association now and see if the house they said they would consider me for is still available.
Love
Anne x
Hi Lori,
Hope all is ok with you? I went to see the p doc last Thursday and he upped my lithium to 600 mg…that will still not be enough I was on aboit 1,200 last time I was on it. Everything takes time to ‘kick in’ and I get so frustrated!
A lady is coming to see me today about social housing and I have to remember to not mention that I have an house! The house was broken into on Friday night…nothing taken and no damage to the interior,just the back gate broken down and the french doors prised open…there is always something!
I am still very down and still think about my past alot and feel so full of grief. I don’t know when this feeling will go and think perhaps I will always feel this way!
Please write soon
love
Anne x
Hi there, Im Kim, I just got this email from you, not sure how this works but I know your in the CARE PLACE site. Its just that I have never had any email to my regular email address until now. And then your mssg seems to be to someone else…Laurie ??? Anyway it came to my hotmail. You can still contact me at this address if you want. We don’t know each other yet, but I am also diagnosed Bipolar, and have taken lithium before, lately I have been taking something called Lamictal. Well who ever you are, take care, and write back to me if you want to.
----not that it should matter, but just to let you know I am male, with a name like Kim people tend to think its a female.
no worries…
Hi Anne.
I’m so sorry that you are still feeling poorly. You’re right…things take time. When I was withdrawing from the lithium, I was on 600 mg & that did seem to do the trick for me. If I hadn’t had to go to the loo so often I might still be on it!
I am feeling a bit off, too. My son called to tell me his dad & wife of 2 years (but they’ve lived together for 10) are divorcing. We were married for 14, & although I admit he was the love of my life, I don’t need any more heartbreak. Of course cache wants me to stick around CO long enough to perhaps reuinte with his Dad, but I’m almost ready to move back to Georgia & in with another girlfriend. I’m so sick of waiting to get my own place. It’s very difficult to feel I’m always in a temporary situation.
I’m on the 20 minute timed computer at the library again, & detest the fact that I can no longer write to you as often or lengthy letters. Cache has said he will give me his old computer when he moves back to N. Colorado in mid-Sept. but I won’t hold my breath!
I want to go on about anything that might lift your spirits, but until next library visit…just know that I think of you so very often, keep you in my prayers, & seriously hope things will become better for you soon.
Love,
Lori
P.S. Kim…this is an open forum & you can join in any time you’d like!
This is kimistree from care place, I was wondering about you, I had an email from you, but couldnt make it out.
Write back
Hi Lori,
I have been having a bad time! How are you doing? are you still at your friends?
Love
Anne xx