why do i allow him to loop me in everytime?
Because they can be VERY manipulative and VERY convincing… No
one is these things that N’s make themselves out to be. It is ALLURING…
Now when I am feeling down dealing with the Narcs and the self absorbed I try to repeat the wisdom of the 90s R & B group En Vogue
“Whoo, yes sir, I give to the needy, and not the greedy mmm hmm that’s right!”
The Narcs are greedy, and I am only giving to the needy so that is my new time saving strategy.
This is really superficial advice, but when I feel like picking up the phone to call some leech I sing that song “Never Gonna Get it” to myself I don’t want to make that call.
If anyone wanted to do a inspirational Narc healing IPOD list let me know.
I have a lot of cheesy music I listen to or sing to myself whenever the vampires get me down.
Nat
The were several reasons I eventually faced that contributed to me staying in the relationship. Apart from the blame on the N, there were were issues of my own that are my own fault.
I kept making excuses and not seeing things for what they were. Not only did the N in my life convince me and manipulate me… I also convinced and manipulated myself into thinking things might get better.
I also didn’t love myself enough to know that I preferred an abusive relationship to being alone. It was a choice I made to keep going back to the abuse because I was afraid of being alone. I could make a never ending list of all the things my N did that were wrong but the choice to stay was mine and my alone and I am solely responsible for my own life and taking care of myself. Expecting the N to come around and take care of me and my feelings was a mistake.
Yah, I was tricked, I was lied to, I was manipulated into thinking things would eventually get better. But at some point, I made my choices knowing full well that it wasn’t true and wasn’t going to happen. Why did I keep going back? I didn’t respect myself or think I deserved any better.
wow!..respect…you always deserved better…!
there is a certain responsibility we all take in these relationships. we want to be wrong don’t we. we want the person to have a change of heart and we listen to the words without really hearing what they are saying or reading into them what we want to hear. they know just what to say to get us hooked. it is hard to unlearn this behaviour on both sides. it is behaviour we learned as children perhaps we believed we were bad and unacceptable and so find ourselves with partners who really aren’t good for us but we cling to them because we are frightened to let go and be alone. We kind of think they are the best we will get. When I think of the men I have had relationships with I would never want my daughter to be anywhere near such people. I feel she deserves so much better! So why did i accept it for myself? I have learned a simple truth about myself lately. I deserve to be happy. Depression is a anger directed at the self and I am not going to sink into it. I am using techniques learned in all my relationships and it works. When we talk I am honest and helpful but not bending over backwards like I used to do. Relationships are two way things.
Wow Ambergirl! That really touched my heart.
One lesson I’ve FINALLY learnt after this experience is that:
“Actions speak louder than words!”
And now I concentrate more on what a person does rather than what they say. Plus, my N always played the ‘I’m always misunderstood’ card with me. He was just full of BS!
I have a super-duper memory (if I may say so myself;) And I would discover months later that what he had told me was not true (about some incident or something).
When I would confront him he would just twist my words around and use them against me. Making me think I was crazy and paranoid.
anotheer wow…everyone seems to be"blooming"
I love what you said about"not wanting that for your own children" ambergirl,they are lucky to have you.
I too believe that anger turned inwards causes allsorts of weird stuff"my bro.the son of an N…actally hears voices when he is"too happy"saying its not allowed…and doesnt know why…perhaps we all hear this at some level,even as internal dialogue?
true happiness is allowed…life doesnt revolve around ns and their infantile needs!
This is one of my favorite “break up” songs ever … in the immediate aftermath of my Narcissist abandoning me (something he promised he would never, ever do), this was the only song that could make me crack a smile:
I love the fact that you sing “Never Gonna Get It” to yourself! Very empowering.
Here are a couple of my other favorite songs that I thought referred to “him” - that were more of the empowering variety, and not, you know, the pllleeeeeeeeease come back to me variety:
Running Out Of Fools
Get Yourself Another Fool
Hmmm, I sense a theme here 
