I am not an idiot

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

I love my counseling sessions with Nate. He is the best ever. We talked about how my week went and how I feel like such an idiot & loser for putting up with all of this crap from Jamie & Ashley. Nate told me that many people go through the same things I am going through and even worse chasing after this thing we call LOVE and that it is a very powerful emotion. That I haven’t done anything wrong by still sleeping with Jamie and trying to make things work. But that I have been led to believe that Jamie was sincere about being with me and loving me but right now he is just selfish and everything revolves around him. That this is not how a person who loves me would treat me. That a person who respects me would not hurt me this way.
He said that he could tell I was doing better despite the steps backwords I had taken in the past few days.

He told me not to beat myself up over the mistakes I have made with Jamie and how I have been acting and to just learn from them. He also told me that Ashley is just a mean spirited brat and that she is only egging me on because she still thinks she is in Jr. High but that she is also getting lied to by Jamie. I told him about how she was making fun of me for crying over Jamie and he said that I have every right to be sad & cry because I am going through a mourning period over our relationship & how he has treated me. That being confronted with Ashley and seeing through the lies that Jamie has told me about her is every reason to be angry and upset.

We went over my list of reasons why I don’t let jamie go and he said I have very valid reasons why I have hung on for so long. So my homework assignment this week is to:

  1. Define the characteristics of LOVE. What is means to me and how a relationship based in LOVE should be.

  2. Define the mistakes that I have made in my relationship with Jamie.

Luckily I only have to wait until Wednesday to see Nate again. So I have something to really look forward to.

#2

sounds like your are on the right path. you sound very excited about your counseling sessions. it shows that you want to change and be more healthy.

#3

Keep up the good work…you are making such great progress!!!YOU ROCK!!!

#4

You are so right ! You deserve REAL love and I know that you know that . You are doing great !

#5

I’m so proud of you, sweetie! May I suggest that you make a trip to Erie with your son on a day or weekend you know Jaime wont be there? I know this woman is dear to you and you deserve to say goodbye.
I think that at the end of this weekend, after you stay home and hang out with your son, that you will be so proud of yourself for resisting going and seeing Jamie. You will look in the mirror and actually see this new found strength.
Like I said, I’m so proud of you.
Sue

#6

I have decided not to go to Erie this weekend - If I do decide to go to Erie it wont be until Monday afternoon. I am now leaning towards not going at all just based on how Jamie has been acting towards me the last few days. He is being a jerk and I hate how he is treating me.

#7

go diva go and i not saying to jamie i am say i am proud of you with your couceling session with nate and how he is making you strong yeah!!! big big hugs to you and you can do it this weekend of staying away from jamie make plans of doing someyhing with your son or friends to movies or just walking the malls or renting movies or curling up with a good book!!!

#8

You are so right about not going to Erie ! Stay home cuddle in and watch some good movies , anything but supporting Jamie !

#9

Heather stay stong…

#10

Little Jamie is with his dad for the weekend for the wake & funeral but I do have Kyra & Eric at home so we can hang out and chill. I asked Jamie if he has talked to Ashley while he was in erie and he was like - “Why does that matter?” Little by little he is showing me that they are together just from his responses and how he is acting. I wish I could just turn off my phones and not have any contact with him for a whole month - then I would be used to not having him in my life and I could get over him.

#11

Your counsellor sounds excellent :slight_smile: . Im glad you have a good one.

best wishes to you…

#12

Heather you are doing so well keep up the good work and keep up with Sue’s HW she is right , I ditto her feelings !!!

#13

Luckily I have not heard from Jamie today (so far). I am still kind of disappointed but I will get over it. I had a phone interview for a job in Hartzville. It went rather well. I should hear back from them in a few days for the second phone interview with the startegic sourcing manager. WOOHOO! I have decided to move. I have not been happy at my job for a long time because there is no chance for promotion and they dont take care of their employees. I do not have family here so there is nothing really keeping me here.

I am envisioning my next position/job/house. I talked to the kids and decided that starting tonight we will begin packing all of our non-essential items plus getting a bunch of stuff together for a garage sale. Once the weather breaks I am having a garage sale and what does not get sold gets donated to good will.

Time to clean house!!!

I am sick of this crap in my life and I need to get strong and take my life back into my own hands. I am really angry at Jamie right now and that is the way I need to stay.

Also I am supposed to meet with Nate today at 4 pm - My neighbor is picking me up at 3:40 for my appointment. Unfortuneately I do not have my homework done - maybe I can get to it before then.

#14

ok… i was leaving well enough alone, until i read that thing about your kid… and it is gloves off time… so yeah, i am going to be a bit less humourous than usual, and also a bit more stern as well.
This has just gone from a relationship between you and your ex to something FAR MORE important. You need to leave. Now. Have your affairs in order, if there is no Court-ordered visitation, let him know that there is he is not able to see you child. Get a restraining order, have the cops on speed dial if you think he is going to be rash, Do you know why I am telling you this? Because your child is in the hands of an addict whenever he visits his dad. that is the reason why they went over there, so your ex could score some drugs, don’t you see that? Do not put your child through this shit because it is at the very least, going to scar him mentally, and at the worst… this could KILL HIM!
You can no longer afford to take him back like this. You no longer have the option to even be nice to him. Because this is not about you, but about the well-being of your child… so DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

Now… i am sorry to have to word it so strong… but this is that serious, and we are still here for you… but right now you have to do the next right thing… please do it.
james

#15

there is one more thing for me to say… don’t worry, it is not chewing out, but a little something i want to tell ya, a secret that most ppl never learn… going through life, it isn’t about being strong. It isn’t about winning. It is about putting one foot in front of the other… and to keep going along. To do the next right thing.

#16

Nods to james - for all of my experience on this planet, he is right…