what do i do keep it or not i dont know ???
I kept my baby, and 7 months ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that I named Abigail Faith. My doctor didn’t have any reason to think that she would survive as long as she did. Abigail thrived for 24 hours before she peacfully passed away. Aside from her condition there was nothing wrong, she nursed, pooped her diaper, cried, talked, she was able to hear and see me. She didn’t even suffer a minute, at 9:33 I was holding her and she was breathing and had good color and at 9:34 she just stopped breathing and was gone exactly 24 hours after she was born. I don’t have any regrets, I know that I gave Abigail the best life possible and I did everything I could for her. Its your choice but I think that if you opt for an abortion then you will always wonder, “What if” and that is such a big question that I know eats at people. I hope that the decision comes easy to you as it did me. If you want to talk more I would be so willing to share my story with you so you can get a better understanding of the feelings and heart ache. But it dosen’t come with out joy and reward.
Your Friend,
Faith
i think i would consider it but my family and partner are so against the idea,they think all i will be doing is prolonging the agony. my midwife said that most of the time nature is kind and makes the choice for you but there must be a reason why my baby wants to live i have had terrible morning sickness and come out in spots so my baby is trying so hard to live. how can i make that choice,i dont feel as if it is my choice to make it could mean i lose my partner and upset a lot of people i also have two other children and my partner says i have to think about them
Hi
8 years ago, I got the same news than you. I carried my daughter to term, had a pregnancy without any problems, an induced but otherwise totally natural birth 40 weeks. My daughter Anouk was born alive and we were blessed to have 13 hours with her. I have never ever regretted the choice to carry to term.
they think all i will be doing is prolonging the agony
It’s the first days after the diagnosis that are the worst. You are in a state of shock. But this agony will not last all the time.
If you have an abortion, you will NOT do better. It will not “delete†your baby as if he or she would never have existed. Sadness will be there and you will have to grieve for that child. But you will have only very little memories of that child, you will hardly know who he or she was, what he or she would have looked like. And believe me, this will make grief a lot harder.
If you carry to term, you will have time to bond with your baby. Time to make memories, time to prepare his or her birth. Time to accept and to get over the first shock, anger, sadness. When you will meet your baby, it will be a baby like your older children were, and you will see beauty in that child (believe me, every mother sees beauty in her baby, no matter the birth defect). You baby will be perfect in every way except the top of his head.
it could mean i lose my partner and upset a lot of people
I’m sorry to tell you that, but if you let your partner have you an abortion against your will, maybe he will stay with you, but how will YOU be able to stay with a man who made you kill your own child?
And about the people that you will upset, this for sure is sad. But if they cannot be there for you now as your baby is alive, how will they be able to take care of you when your baby will be dead and you will grieve?
i also have two other children and my partner says i have to think about them
Of course you have to think about them! What kind of message do you think they will get if you abort that baby because it’s not perfect? One day they may be afraid and think that if THEY are not perfect, you will want to get rid of them too?
Isn’t carrying to term their sick sibling the best proof for them that their life is valuable, no matter what they do, but just because they are?
This diagnosis has changed you as a person, as a mother, as a wife. You will never be exactly your old “you†again. No matter if you have an abortion tomorrow or if you carry to term.
By following your own conviction, you make the first step to healing and recovering.
With caring,
Monika
http://www.anencephalie-info
I rarely post on this board because I feel like I’m look down on for choosing to tx my pregnancy. I was 5 months when I got the dx. I had an u/s at 10 1/2 weeks and they said everything was fine, then all of a sudden at 20 weeks they said Caden had anencephaly.
I don’t regret my choice at all. I don’t care how “peaceful” people say it is, I see no peace in watching my child die. I was induced knowing that my baby would most likely be stillborn. I know that my son never knew anything but my love, he never felt pain, he never had to struggle to take that last breath, nothing. He was created in me and died in me. I went through labor and delivery and got to hold him and kiss him for 10 hours before having the funeral director take him. We took tons of pictures, got foot and hand prints, a birth record, his blanket, and tons of memorial things.
I’m assuming the other posters are assuming that you would have an abortion (d&e) and never see your baby. You do have the option to go through L&D depending on how far along you are. I hate when people see it as black or white, either a d&e or carry to term. I will never regret my choice of delivering at 20 weeks. I knew he would be too young to survive delivery and would be still born, I wouldn’t have to watch my baby die, but I would still be able to see him, hold him, and kiss him.
Ultimately it is YOUR decision. Give it a few days to sink in and then decide what you want to do.
As far as the other kids, my dd was 15 months when we had Caden. We told her we had him, showed her pictures and explained that he went to Heaven. For her young age she understood very well. She still at 3 years old talks about her brother and says she is going to tell her new sister (5 months) all about him when she is older. Kids are amazing, they understand a lot!
Good luck with your decision. Again, do what is best for YOU!!!
~Karen~
Zebs…I wish you the best during this difficult time. Karen said it best when she said:
“Ultimately it is YOUR decision. Give it a few days to sink in and then decide what you want to do.”
I think each individual has to do what they feel is right for themselves and their baby…and in each case what is right is going to be different. I completely respect those who choose to attempt to carry to term, just as I respect those who choose to end their pregnancy early. Ultimately no matter what you decide, your baby is not going to live. That is the very sad and tragic reality of it all. It is an unbelievably difficult thing to deal with, but you carry on. It’s been over 11 years since my daughter “was born to heaven” and it still hurts…but time does help.
I, personally, choose to have labored induced at around 22 weeks. I didn’t rush into the decision either. My husband and I discussed what would be best and we asked for, and received, input from our family, friends and clergy. I don’t regret our decision and I don’t consider having labor induced, when delivering a child whose fate has already been determined, abortion. We have many memories of our daughter and we had a loving funeral and burial for her. It makes me sad, however, when sometimes I feel like people view her as less of a “real baby” because she wasn’t delivered at 40 weeks. Incidentally, it’s not my friends and family who make me feel that way, but rather individuals who have no idea what it’s like. And what’s even more sad, it that when I went through this, the internet was none existent in the form that it was now…and the groups that I contacted via USPS mail made it very clear that they didn’t support my decision to induce labor early. But I regress…
“Ultimately it is YOUR decision. Give it a few days to sink in and then decide what you want to do.”
Like I said, I wish you the best during this difficult time. You have my support whether you choose to induce OR choose to carry to term.
I agree with the others that you should wait and let it all sink it. I also have a hard time reading these because I also feel as if inducing my labor early is looked down upon. I had my own reasons and feelings for going ahead with my decision. I found out that my daughter had anencephaly at 19 weeks. I spent two weeks deciding if I wanted to go to term or to deliver her. My first reaction was to go to full term. I wanted nature to take its course and have her die on her own time. But as a mother it is not about you anymore, it’s about your child. You make the best decision for your baby. I read many books and did a lot of research on the whole thing. I read one story that stood out in my mind. It was about a baby that survived three days with no top of her head and was in agony the whole time. There were other stories like that, that changed my mind. I did not want my child to feel any kind of pain. If the doctor told me that it would or wouldn’t how can they really know. Every child is different and how can we really know what they are feeling. I did not want my child to suffer. I wanted her to feel only love. She came into this world with love and I wanted her to leave with only love and never feeling pain or suffer. Also, I was able to see her and spend as much time as I wanted. Just like the other post, I received a blanket, got many pictures of her, and got a plaque of her foot prints and many more. I do not feel that ending your pregnancy early makes you less of a person or makes your baby not as “real”. No matter what you choose your child will always be close to your heart. I respect any decision that you make and so should everyone else. This decision is yours, you are the only one truly going through both the mental and physical of it all. I listened to what everyone else had to say but when it comes down to it, your the one carrying the baby and you are the one that has to deliver, if its as 20 weeks or full term. You are in my prayers and no matter what decision you make it is right for you.
I’ve just found out too- you’ve probably made your decision by now- what horrible two choices we have with the results both ending in our baby’s death- I’m a zombie and a waterfall the next- I can’t fathom either choice, but moreso keep getting more attached to my baby and to have it come out with half a head and brain I think I’d go straight to the nut house- pls contact me if you want to talk- I need anyone right now would can understand what we’re dealing with…