I need someone to talk to :(

i suffer from bipolar. i try my best to be good from day to day without meds. but its very hard. i was with a man for over a year and we broke up about 3 months ago and he still lives with me and stays by my side and trys to be there for me the best he can. i appreciate this more than anything because ive never had anyone stick by me the way he has. things have gotten difficult though lately again. while we were together my mood swings affected him so much that he changed into another person. if i pushed him because i was so irritated with him, he started pushing me and throwing me down and even punched me in the stomach once. thankfully i have stopped all this as im trying to get better and he doesnt hurt me physically unless i push him first. its just so hard though, i know most of the time i start fights over stupid thing’s. i know this. it hurts me to know that im pushing him away. but when im in a good mood, he usually is too and we’re great. we laugh, we have fun, he hug’s and kiss’s me all day long. but i think his attitude because of me is just to much for me to be handling. tonight we had a huge fight, he wouldnt talk to me, it didnt matter that i was begged him to just talk to me and tell me what happened because i didnt think i did anything wrong. most of the time when i get upset, i like, become this other person, i dont think rationally, i say stuff that isnt true ( ie he doesnt care about me and love me ) so i always try to ask when i snap back into reality what i did. well, this is why we had to fight, at 3 am, when we were fine… we both like sleeping on the same side of the bed. so he decided ( which he decide’s what happens normally) we would switch back and fourth everynight and take turn’s. fine by me. i have no problem compromising. when he tells me i should do something a certain way i always try to listen as best i can… i know im not right ( since im not on my meds ) and i dont want to argue. so i figure he’s ok mentally so i should just listen. well i slept on the side we like 2 nights in a row… he didnt want to sleep there the night before… his choice. so tonight, he said he gets the side we like… i said, but i thought we were supposed to do it switching… and according to your rules if someone decides to give something up for the other person the dont get it… lets say refunded to them… the next day. and no i didnt think this was a big deal i was just trying to follow the rules. ive given up plently for him so i should know :slight_smile: he got upset. wouldnt talk to me and even called me crazy. i said fine sleep there it isnt worth fighting over what side of the bed we sleep on. to late. it didnt matter anymore. once he gets upset theres no talking to him. i know i know, this is the most pety thing youve ever heard. i agree. i didnt get mad the whole time… i just keep asking him to talk to me and asking him why we have to fight over something so stupid. i think now… because he’s dealt with me for to long… he’s just got an anger problem now. so my question is, yes he’s been here for me and i love him to death… but when im already sick and everyday is a struggle for me to get better without meds all by myself, so should i be talking to someone who would make me cry over something so stupid even though he’s been there for me? i just… i dont know how much more i can take of fighting. i used to cut myself a few years ago… ive done very good on not doing… we fight now and thats the first thing i think of. i even did it about a week ago because he got mad and called me stupid. i dont know what to do anymore… he’s all i have in my life but i hurt so much sometimes and i dont know how to make it stop without having to lose him. i even ask him to help me when i get upset… all i ask is for him to tell me he love’s me. he’s done that once… and it kinda made me snap back into reality and not be mad anymore. im trying to hard to deal with life day to day, if i get mad, the second he see’s it he’s ready to start yelling at me and calling me name’s but he wont do anything to help me. i just… dont know what to do. im lost. anyone have any advice on what i should do? if i should keep him around and just try to be better and deal with his attitude for a little while since i know im the one who made him change the way he was? again, i know this is a stupid fight…i think so too… but its just an example on what i have to deal with when he’s upset. please help me :frowning:

Sweet, sorry about being so tough in my last reply. I’ve just seen too many domestic cases end horribly and initially that’s all I thought of.
I did just read your story though and if you truly want to be with this guy then you should at the very least see a doc and get on meds… Then after the meds kick in re-evaluate your relationship.
I don’t, for one second, think you should stay together if you’re going to continue to physically harm each other, but if you guys can work it out and your relationship improves, after you get on meds, then so be it.
I hope this helped and please go get on some meds. I hate taking them too, but I owe it to my family to at least try them and you owe it to yourself.

well… i know that he acts the way he does because ive put him through so much. i know he loves me and care’s about me. thats why a lot of the time i just try to give him what he wants so that was i can just avoid the fight. as far as why im not on meds… ive been trying to get back on them. im trying to get medicaid ( insurance through the state ) but appearntly to have a new account its frozen right now to sign up unless you’re disabled… so im waiting for the application in the mail to find out if i am or not. i had a doctor’s… they said it would only cost me $15 to come in and get my med’s but somehow jumped up to $155 so i can no longer go there either. im having a very hard time finding a job especially because most of the time i dont feel like doing anything so if it wasnt for my Ex being here… i wouldnt be eating at all. we go and donate plasma twice a week together just to buy food…so right now unless i can find some sort of med program… i have to keep doing this on my own. As far as with the ex though, i decided last night after writing that… that i just going to let him do and sleep whenever he wants…i know i made him have an attitude so to make up for it i shouldnt disagree with him if he wants something. so i guess ill see how that goes.

Life is to short. You are a special person worthy of fair treatment and you have a mind of your own. Someone that wants to control you doesn’t value your own judgement. I lived with someone like that for over 10 years, I won’t do that again! I lost myself in that relationship and am reaquainting myself with who I was and who I am now. Good luck in your life and continue to talk with people that care for you. :slight_smile: