If I ever commit suicide.... please blame my so called pain management doctor

This pain is getting too much.... the only place I can ever imagine being free of pain is in heaven... or hell.... which ever the case may be. Don't really believe in either at this point....

Can god really hold it against me for commiting suicide for being in so much pain it's making me insane?

JustSue I know what you are going through But please don't do anything that drastic.  Your kids need you more then you my think right now.  Your mother died when you were quite young as I understand.  Think about what it did to you and then think about what it would do to your children.

I have been at the point where you are right now and it was the thought of what would happen to my children as a result that kept me going.

My Doctor put me on anti depressants which has helped a lot. If you are not taking any you should get to your Doctor asap.  If you are taking some get to your Doctor asap and have them changed as it is obvious they are no longer working.

My love and prayers go out to you.  If you need a surrogate mother I am offering my services as you are probably the same age as my children right now. 


Tons of Hugs from Grannygray

Dear JustSue,  I know you are hurting, but please don’t quit living.  Your children need you, your husband and your friends at Careplace need you.  If you can bring joy and hope to strangers over the internet just by connecting with letters back and forth you are someone special.  You have been such a brave girl surviving the loss of your parents and the relationship you had with your stepmother.  And raising yourself since you were a young lady.  Then the bad marriage and health problems.  You have good things in your life though too.  I just met you but you have your husband and children.  You are a beautiful lady inside and out.  Spring is coming and then we can get outside more.  School will be out soon and we won’t have the stress that comes with kids being in school.  I wish we all lived closer to each other so we could help each other out.  Three weeks ago when i was ready to give up, every little thing kept pushing me further away.  I reached out to my doctor during my sons appt. and said please put me on Cymbalta.  That weekend i was still feeling down but once i got some in my system it helped my depression, blocked my pain signals alot, and i have lost 14 pounds in 3 weeks.  It probably works different for everyone but its the best one i’ve been on.  I weened myself off the other ones a few years ago, but it got to the point were i needed it again.  Sometimes i think all of the pain medication i have to take messes with my chemicals in my brain and i get a chemical imbalance and can’t deal with life.  I’m finding things that bring me happiness now.  Before anything that use to interest me i had no desire to do.  And like GrannyGray said, your kids need you and you know how hard it was growing up without your parents.  Do it for yourself and them and please don’t give up.  If you have to go to your local hospital and check yourself in.  Or reach out to your husband or a pastor.  I keep going doctor to doctor until i get the relief i need.  I owe doctors from 9 years ago.  My credit sucks because of it but i deserve treatment.  I let the insurance pay them and then i send $5 here and there.  And if they are rude or don’t do anything for me, they don’t get paid.  Most doctors write off their losses anyway.  You keep going though.  I had a pain management doctor tell me i was at the end of the road and no one else wanted me so he had to brain wash me.  And was i married, oh well i was already in misery to begin with.  I think he was trying to be funny but he pissed me off and i quit going to him.  I have had tons of bad experiences but i have also had a few very kind doctors.  I think we should all go on Montel Williams.  He has MS so he can relate.  And maybe he can find us a doctor that can help us.  Please Sue write to one of your friends here at Careplace you have a lot of us.  We can’t go on without you so please stay with us!  Your friend, Sherry