I'm going crazy!

Domestic Violence In the past year, I also printed out a lot of information on domestic violence , recently I have been concentrating on this disorder and my recovery, my children are adults and I have not been able to get through to them about this disorder and there is damage for sure, to both my adult children, nothing was normal growing up for them, he was ok with them, till they became teenagers and he felt threatened with their free thinking minds and the manipulation and control started with them.

 I have read that we need another womans movement to call attention to domestic Violence , we need a clear definition of domestic violence, that is the no 1 problem, even mysef did not realize all the ways I was abused, I thought you had to be beat, but emotional and verbal abuse are far more destructive and damaging, the scars last a life time. I printed this out months ago:

 A survey conducted in August 2006 by Opinion Research and Ruder Fin found: when asked to deifne what actions comprise domestic violence and abuse,

2 in 5 Americans(%40) did not mention, hitting, slapping, and punching.

OVER" 90%" OF AMERICANS FAILED TO DEFINE REPEATED EMOTIONAL, VERBAL, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND CONTROLING BEHAVIORS AS PATTERNS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!

 THE SURVEY CONCLUDED: WHEN AMERICANS CAN IDENTIFY DOMESTIC ABUSE, AMERICANS WILL ACT.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS DISORDER TALKED ABOUT, I EMAILED DR PHIL TWICE, NO RESPONSE, OPRAH, ONCE, NO RESPONSE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN LUNDY BANCROFT WHO WROTE THE BOOK" INSIDE THE MINDS OF ANGRY CONTROLLING MEN" TALKING ABOUT CUSTODY AND THE COURTS AND WHAT WOMEN GO THROUGH ON ANY TV SHOW. PEOPLE THINK THE PROBLEM IS BEING TAKEN CARE OF BECAUSE THERE ARE SHELTERS FOR WOMEN TO RUN TO WITH THEIR CHILDREN, WHERE IS THE ABUSER, HOME. THE PROBLEM IS THE ABUSIVE MEN, THANK GOD FOR SHELTERS BUT THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER. I THINK A LOT OF ABUSERS HAVE THIS PERSONALITY DISORDER, THE" LACK OF EMPATHY," CONNECTING TO YOUR PARTNERS AND CHILDRENS FEELINGS, IS WHAT THEY ALL HAVE IN COMMON, THE UNDERLYING REASON FOR ABUSE IN ALL CASES. LACK OF EMPATHY, ANGER MANAGEMENT JUST DOES NOT HELP. BLAMING THE VICTIM , JUST LEAVE, IS NOT THE ANSWER, THE ABUSER MOVES ON, NO DISRUPTION IN THEIR LIFE. WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN, YOU LEAVE, THE COURTS DON'T CARE ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL TORTURE THEY PUT THE CHILDREN THROUGH. SO WHAT CAN WE DO. I AM WONDERING IF WE CAN TARGET A SHOW,A TV STATION, BUT COME TOGETHER AS A GROUP AND ALL EMAIL ON A SPECIFIC DAY ALSO TO OUR SENATORS, CONGRESSMEN, LEGISLATORS, ENLIST EVERY FRIEND WE KNOW ALSO, CAN WE FORM A GROUP AND WAGE A CAMPAIGN TO CALL ATTENTION TO THIS DISORDER AND MAKE CLEAR THE DEFINITION OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?? WHAT DO YOU THINK,DOES NOT COST ANYTHING BUT A MINUTE OF YOU TIME, DSANCHEZ, WHAT STATE ARE YOU IN GIVE US SOME EMAIL ADDRESS FOR YOUR LOCAL STATIONS, AND WHAT YOU WANT US TO SAY. WE HAVE TO DO OPRAH AND DR PHIL ALSO ON A SPECIFIC DAY, HOW MANY ARE ON HERE AND HOW MANY CAN YOU GET TO JOIN IN. WE CAN ALL GET THE EMAIL ADDRESS FOR OUR STATES AND WORK THEM ONE AT A TIME. I AM RETIRED, I HAVE LOTS OF TIME, PUT ME TO WORK. HUGS MAMOLIE

Exposing them is a start to getting over it. Finally after 4 years I
exposed my N and I have not heard from him since.

When I would threaten to tell our friends of the horrible things he would
say to me, he threaten to “F… me up” real good. That would hurt me at my
job since we worked together. The real big reason I did not tell my friends
or family was because I was ashamed.

After a major blow-out on July 3, when I said I did not want to see him on
the 4th he went crazy with he name calling.

I decided to then call my sister and tell her everything. A couple hours
later he texted me. I called him and told him that I told me sister about all
the name calling, threats and his recent supplier.

I have not heard from him since. I was very ashamed to tell my sister what
I had been tolerating. The next day I told my best friend.

People will understand. It is very important to remember that a N has no
empathy and their life is their image.

I still get sick to my stomach when I think of what I put up with. It has
been over 2 months. While I still feel bad sometimes, overall I feel free.

************************************** See what’s new at http://www.aol.com

I am in…let me know what I need to do. My husband and I have just been forced to miss our second vacation in the last eight months, because my ex NH refused to give the kids back for our court allowed vacation. He is trying to hold onto a rediculous technicality and we could not get the case into court in time. we have already taken him to court, because he tried to sabotage our last vacation to Spain and the judge told him to knock it off.

He has the kids completely in the middle, they have not even known what to do…not to mention the schools that he called regarding this issue.

All of the “abuse” issues you guys are missing are just amazing. It is like you are speaking about my life with my ex. Strange. We go to mediation and the mediator is totally manipulated by him, too. She believes his bold faced lies. I don’t even tell them (when I go in there) that he was abusive…physically or emotionally, because I never reported it to the police.

Anyway…we all have too many similar stories for this not to be a part of this NPD problem. LMK what I can do!!!

Let me know what I can do.If we all work together something will happen.I think Oprah and Dr.Phil is a good idea because they reach millions of people and they have influence.Denise Brown also knows alot about this and is doing something about abuse.You know her sister Nicole Brown Simpson who was killed by OJ? Now is a good time to write Oprah or how about Bill O. on the Factor he is always against child abuse.OJ is in the news now big time and he has NPD.The time is now.Look at what our girl Mamolie wrote.

Hello all;
Sorry I haven’t been writing but weekends are always crazy for me. A lot of people in our justice system do not take into account that NPD plays such a large role in DV and child abuse. Well I fully believe that we are more powerful in numbers. I do have a good plan (i think)… I will write more about it late tonight after my kids go to sleep. We do have to force change and awareness. Other wise there will be nothing but silence… Thanks so much for all your support and involvement.

mamolie npd-cpt5904@lists.careplace.com wrote:

Hi dsanchez650:

I can so relate to you!!! I am still living with my N husband because I am so afraid of what will happen to son if I divorce!!! At least if I am still here I can some what control what he does to him. I can already tell my 7 year old son has problems, he is in special education in school and I have seen some strange behavior in him. He is totally trained to go along with every thing his father says or does. I know his father is brain washing him against me, He has already turned all our friends against me and family members that I do still talk to don’t understand just how awful a person he is, they think he can just be fixed. I also have two daughters from a previous marriage an 18 year old and an 11 year old. My 18 year old and I used to be best of friends, now that is all going down the tubs because of the life we live with him. My N and her hate each other which is understandable since I hate him too for what he done to this family. My 11 year old I have had to teach to just stay away from him, not to speak to him, look at him and even to leave the room if comes in. One day he was on the couch covered up with a blanket and she had drawn a picture, he called her over and opened the blanket for her to get in, he said (Oh let see it) of cores she was trained to do what he wanted as was everyone. Well the tone of his voice, his demeanor just everything about him made every hair on my body stand up on end. I looked at him and said SHE’S GOT HOME WORK TO DO. Well when he answered me back all sweet and nice I knew for sure things weren’t right!!! A while after she said thanks mom, for saving me it was REALLY hot under that blanket. Well you know I can’t prove any thing and if I tell people it will confirm that I am crazy just like he has everyone believing. After that I make sure she not alone with him or any where around him. He tries to suck her back in by talking to her and trying to buy her thing and I make her leave the room and I make him take the gifts back. It is an awful way to live but I am so afraid of will happen to my son in the divorce and after, what will happen to his mind if what already is going on is not destroying his mind.
I just can’t believe that there no way to make the courts to under stand narcissism and what it does to a family and children. If any one has any advice on what to tell or do when I file for divorce against this monster (hope to file in the fall) please help!!!

SORRY SO LONG

There is a guy that writes about Narcissism in the work place an he is affiliated with Harvard business school,we could also enlist his services if he cares to respond.He has an organization called The Macoby Group.however,someone in the media has to call attention to this.But then you wonder how mant of them may also have this disorder.

Wow I never thought of how many people in the media could have this disorder. You are so right it does make you wounder. I do have a suggestion for her situation but I have to wait to give it because another group member posted it to me in a different group and I want to get her permission to copy and paste it here. It is good advice and I will post it as soon as I get the ok from her. Take care. Keep strong.

healed1 npd-cpt5904@lists.careplace.com wrote:

It really bothers me, if a man physically abuses a woman, he goes to jail. He knows it is wrong. If it is verbal, we are left with putting our lives back together and dieing inside and nothing happens to them. We just have to accept it and move on… this is sad, we have to do something!!!

Hello Hopetoday,

I receive all of my careplace messages on my email. I get so many messages
and I find that I learn so much from everyone. But this time I felt
inclined to comment/respond to your message. Although it was short, it was
very much to the point and definitely a very strong message. My name is
Sandra and currently going through a very difficult divorce from a (not yet
diagnosed) NPD (cerebral). After 13 years of emotional as well as physical
abuse (cracked jaw, busted ear drum), I am also left with having to just
"pick up" the pieces. We share 50/50 custody of the kids and the worst part
is: The emotional abuse still continues. I cannot move on.

My feeling is that unless we see some acceptance in society in regards to
"emotional abuse", we will never, ever see changes in the legal system!

Because he is NPD he is swift, sly, very intelligent and good with his
words, outright liar and worst of all, carries the worst anger, hate and
revengeful attitude that I believe that even after the divorce is “final” I
will suffer from his abuse.

Like you said: “nothing happens to them”, “we have to accept it and move
on”. Truly this is very sad.

Thank you so much for your message. It reminded me that I AM NOT alone.

Sandra Palmatier

----- Original Message -----

From: “hopetoday” npd-cpt5904@lists.careplace.com
To: sandrapalmatier@cox.net
Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2007 10:50 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] I’m going crazy!!!

Help spread the word - Forward this message to interested parties and
relevant discussion groups!

Refer journalists and editors to my media kit:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/mediakit.html

Pathological narcissism may be the undiscovered, and most under-reported,
epidemic of our age.

Some (like Christopher Lasch) say that our whole civilization is infected
with narcissism.

Many (maybe even the majority of) criminals and abusers are narcissists, or
have narcissistic traits.

So what is “Narcissistic Abuse”?

All of these, and more, are part of it:
· Emotional abuse,
· Mental cruelty,
· Systematic abusive manipulation,
· Pathological control,
· Pathological deceit,

Narcissistic Abuse can, and does, occur in any setting. It can affect one
person, or an entire community.

· In a relationship,
· In a family,
· In the workplace,
· In School or College
· In any other community,

Wherever it occurs, Narcissistic Abuse always causes lasting damage , often
serious damage, sometimes very permanent damage.

Narcissistic Abuse is difficult to prove at all, let alone sanction or
control.

For the victims recovery can take far to long. There are too few resources
and too little is understood.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO TOGETHER TO CHANGE THAT?

(I can be contacted directly for any assistance I can give, with the
following, at palma@unet.com.mk)

  1. Ask your local library to buy books about narcissism and narcissistic
    abuse.

  2. Ask your local bookstores to buy books about narcissism and narcissistic
    abuse.

  3. Contact journalists, columnists, talk show hosts, and other
    people in the media and tell them about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.

  4. Establish an online or offline reading group, perhaps in
    collaboration with your local library or bookstore.

  5. Tell your psychologist, therapist, psychiatrist, or social worker
    about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.

  6. Open your OWN NARCISSISM WEB SITE! Mirror (replicate) my web site
    content FREE of charge - and let me help you, step by step, to create
    your web site! (contact me: palma@unet.com.mk)

HOW CAN I HELP YOU FURTHER?

I can provide:
· Annotated lists of recommended reading
· Resources, links, reading group guides, and tutorials
· Copies of my book and other materials
· Background material and references
· I am available for interviews and know of others who are
· Any other assistance that may be needed

Help fight Narcissistic Abuse!

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “dsanchez650” npd-cpt5904@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, September 14, 2007 7:33 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] I’m going crazy!!!